On Hiatus 'Til Whenever
Added 2021-02-16 17:57:45 +0000 UTC(2 minute read)
Hi all,
Hope you're okay! Seasonal Affective Disorder + winter lockdown is no joke.
Long story short, I'm extending my hiatus until "whenever" – this Patreon remains paused & you still won't be charged.
As I've said before, I've known for years that my current way of living/working is deeply unhealthy for me. And since the pandemic, I've lost most of my good habits & amplified my self-destructive ones. So in Sep 2020, I started my first-ever sabbatical/hiatus to take a break from "doing educational projects".
Guess what I've done for the past 6 months? All "educational projects".
And they're cool! One's on General Relativity, a way to visualize intrinsic curvature without extrinsic curvature, and lets you find geodesics in spacetime by eye. Another is original(?) computer science research where I convert the NP-Complete Circuit-SAT problem to a gradient with no false local minima, no plateaus, and at most one saddlepoint (spoiler: still not enough for P=NP. darn.) And yet another is that "Expandable Explanations" idea I showed you a GIF of last time.
I'll be super proud to share these eventually!... but they're not what I need right now.
I specifically wanted to take a break, and I somehow failed. This is not a humblebrag of me being a "productive" "workaholic". This is an admission that I don't know how to treat myself as anything other than a tool, a means to an end. I am sick, I am self-destructive, and I need to stop.
Whoof.
Okay I feel 90% better after getting that melodrama out of my system.
Anywho, I'm extending my hiatus until "whenever". You won't be charged, and when I do un-pause the Patreon (& thus collect pledges again) I'll give you a month's heads up.
Once again, please take care of yourselves & your loved ones. I've meant this every time I said it, but this time I especially mean it.
♡,
~ Nicky Case
Comments
I would be more than willing to give you payment through sabbatical.
Sarah Gagnon
2021-07-03 13:54:15 +0000 UTCAnother voice from me - I semi-hesitated a bit about becoming a patreon if it's paused, and who knows when I would have checked back. Anyway, I would just like to say that I wouldn't like anyone I support to think they need to produce "billable hours" or something for the monthly contributions, but I fully understand that good work can only come when the person takes the time they need for self-care and love. <3
Daniel Hires
2021-04-29 14:39:20 +0000 UTCI'm glad you are taking care of yourself. I love hearing from you. ❤️ And no pressure!
Melanie Stegman, PhD
2021-03-03 11:52:38 +0000 UTCThanks Dave! <3 We chatted before re: mental health in communities like ours, and, yup, what an ongoing issue it is
Nicky Case
2021-02-26 22:40:31 +0000 UTCThank you Adka! And oof, yeah, I also used to be in journalism. During 2016. That was... A YEAR, let's say. Thanks for the recommendation for Byung-Chul Han, I just added samples of his books to my eReader, to read later! > What are other things seen as 'good life' nowadays in the west but to achieve? The obvious one is "be a good friend, partner, parent, person in your community" but wow, if I was bad at deep social connection *before* the pandemic, it has not improved since then
Nicky Case
2021-02-26 22:39:40 +0000 UTCThank you so much! <3 And best of luck with the new small human!
Nicky Case
2021-02-26 22:35:08 +0000 UTCThank you Cassandra! And I just loaded up the sample for Kitchen Table Wisdom to my Kobo eReader, will give it a perusal, thanks for the recommendation! :)
Nicky Case
2021-02-26 22:09:57 +0000 UTCYeah, taking a break can really be hard... Take care, Nicky. Also, I second all the comments about not-pausing your Patreon if you need to. You don't have to be productive all of the time for this!
Voyage Goya
2021-02-21 15:56:09 +0000 UTCYup, same here. I wish I could keep my support. Take care Nicky, and be kind to yourself!
Menka Stojanova
2021-02-18 09:36:15 +0000 UTCHi Nicky and everybody! This feels like a AA meeting (Anonymous Achievers). I am in journalism, very high stress job. So I bought a cargo van and I am rebuilding it to a camper van (very hip), and while it's something completely different, I realized that not being able to do it as fast as I would like to also gives me stress. So I am trying to read philosophy about achievement driven society (started with Byung-Chul Han) and maybe do some art based on that in the future. But it's also just more things to do, to achieve. It feels like being trapped. What are other things seen as 'good life' nowadays in the west but to achieve? Can I somehow re-frame it so it won't give me this feeling of entrapment? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Krakenova
2021-02-17 11:24:14 +0000 UTCHello! I'm with everyone here who says that breaks are an important part of being creative, and that I'd really like to support you throughout your break, however long it is.
cmotuz .
2021-02-17 08:54:48 +0000 UTCok, cool. see you on the other side. i wonder if you can do these things without breaking yourself?
Chris K
2021-02-16 23:17:38 +0000 UTCThank you for such honesty and openness, Nicky. Like many of the other commenters, I too am struggling with the same productivity machine habits in this reduced way of living. It’s always nice to hear from others who are working through the same challenges. Also, like many other commenters, I’d be happy to continue supporting you in your hiatus. Investing in you is different from investing in your product, and I feel like Patreon is really about investing in the creator and not the creation.
Cassandra Ichniowski
2021-02-16 20:26:09 +0000 UTChave you ever considered skateboarding?
kaitlin smith
2021-02-16 19:52:13 +0000 UTCHug, Nicky! We appreciate you so much. Please take care of yourself. If it's up your alley, recently, I read this book called "Kitchen Table Wisdom" which was full of life stories that gave me a good cry / reset perspective.
Cassandra Xia
2021-02-16 19:16:27 +0000 UTCI what you are experiencing. These times (this life) are so challenging. Thank you for your authenticity and vulnerability in sharing this. You are important. Your being is important, not only your doing. May you find a way forward that allows you to share your gifts as well as experience healing. I am willing to continue Patreon support for your being and for your hiatus. It is my sense that you are a good investment!
Steve Ryman
2021-02-16 19:08:28 +0000 UTCYou don't necessarily have to pause the Patreon. My small pledge is to support you, not your productivity. I mean, of course if it makes you feel bad to receive money for doing nothing, you don't have to. But I feel like that's the definition of health insurance and work insurance. You deserve those too, no?
narF
2021-02-16 18:57:50 +0000 UTCTake care Nicky, Taking breaks can be really hard. Know this myself. Anyway, is there a chance to keep the patreon up (maybe a second account?)? I personally hate the Culture within Patreon to pause the subscriptions just for taking some time out. I want to support your creativity and as that is not taking a break during hiatus/vacation/holidays my support shouldn't either! :)
Frank Hansen
2021-02-16 18:40:50 +0000 UTCThanks for sharing. Please take care of yourself — we'll be here when you're ready to reengage.
Jorge Arango
2021-02-16 18:40:01 +0000 UTCI appreciate you being so open and honest about where you are in your journey, Nicky. I myself and a recovering tech achievement-holic who is transitioning to mental health and well being (crisis counseling, empathetic listening, professional coaching…). There are a ton of resources out there if you want help working through things. Happy to talk things through if you're interested. ❤️🤗
Dave Cortright
2021-02-16 18:18:43 +0000 UTCAw, take care of yourself, Nicky! Slowing down and doing less is *really* hard when you're in go-go-go mode all the time. I'm on my second week of maternity leave (just waiting for the baby to come!) and it's been really, really, really surprisingly hard to shift my schedule into one where most of my day is spent "relaxing". I'm just finally now starting to get into a slow and care-focused daily routine (after two weeks of my brain being like "is this just an extra-long weekend? How can work be happening without me?"). So... Just wanted to say, I get it, you're not alone! I've found that journaling in the morning helps me reflect on what I want to do with my day and helps me stay focused on doing the things that I know keep me grounded and healthy and feeling good. Good luck with your sabbatical!! If nothing else works then maybe you can make it "your job" to do all the nourishing self-care things you know you need to do. ❤️💖❤️ (And learn to love the nap!!)
Brittany B.
2021-02-16 18:09:35 +0000 UTCLooking forward to "whenever"! Take care!
Erwin Susara
2021-02-16 18:06:04 +0000 UTCI've found myself doing this as well, it's not great. See you "whenever", I'll still be here!
Daniel Delaney
2021-02-16 18:05:05 +0000 UTCTake care, Nicky!
Alejandra Canahui
2021-02-16 18:03:48 +0000 UTCTake care!
Nikhil Harithas
2021-02-16 18:01:16 +0000 UTC
