There and Back Again, an Eulogy for My Mother

I don't normally get too personal on this page, but I just wanted to let you know why I kind of went radio silent for a few weeks, and fell behind on Patreon updates.

I was busy working on a few much-delayed videos regarding Patreon, and an update re: the long-awaited follow-up to my cyberpunk documentary.

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Then I got the call last week that my mom had only days to live. So I dropped everything and got on to a plane to travel from coast to coast the next day. It was easily the toughest week of my life, and she passed last Tuesday.

She had gotten a diagnosis a couple years ago, but she fought strong, and got better before her quick turn for the worse. And I’m sorry to say, it was very drawn out. Me and my brothers and sisters did our very best, with advice from medical professionals, to make her as comfortable as dying can be. But it wasn’t pretty.

My mom was a beautiful, amazing artist, who likely inspired me to pursue my own artistic endeavors; be it drawing, writing, game development, music, and (eventually) my career of 20 years: graphic design.

Mom became an avid gamer in the mid 90s. She never could quite connect to console games, but she loved MUDs (multi-user dungeons, essentially text-based online RPGs), MMOs and RPGs. She fell in love with Morrowind, Oblivion, EverQuest, and World of Warcraft. Her last obsession was Guild Wars 2, where she played every expansion, and reached max level for a character of every class.

There was a period where she was a bigger gamer than I was! And I was lucky to have a parent that shared my interests so closely.

After I started my YouTube channel in 2016, she would watch every video, and even comment on my livestreams. Even my Miami Vice documentary was inspired in part by her love of the series when she watched it back in the ‘80s.

The title of this article is, of course, a reference to J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit, a book Mom read to me as a child, no doubt sparking my deep interest in fantasy stories.

I owe so much to her, and have helped take care of her these past years, along with my siblings. She led a hard life, raising five kids, and as a single parent through most of these years.

I’m glad she can finally rest after suffering these past few weeks, but I’m still reeling from losing the one person in my life who’s always been there for me.

I not only lost my mother, but I also lost my biggest fan.

As always, when this sort of personal tragedy happens, your mind clouds with many thoughts like, “What am I even doing? Why aren’t you doing something that truly matters? Etc.” But I know my mom would have wanted me to continue pursuing my dreams, and continue to create works I am passionate about.

Take care of yourselves. Reach out to a family member or friend and let them know you care about them.

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I will make some exclusive director's commentaries as I promised earlier once I get settled and my voice returns from my illness I caught recently.

Thanks for reading, and have a great day!