A Bearable Partner: First Visit

We're jumping ahead a little bit here to get to the good stuff, I promise. Laquan comes over to spend the night at Cody's cabin for the first time!

*****

The cabin was as clean as it was going to get. The new furniture in the main room, hastily-purchased and carefully constructed, went a long way towards hiding the worst of the stains and splinters around the room, though. The walls were covered with one of those singing fish, some art that looked a bit like the lake outside if you squinted just right, and a big quilt Cody had found dumpster diving the other day. It smelled all right, but he washed it two or three times to be sure. He had opened all the windows, too, to make sure the cabin had gotten as much fresh air as possible. Sunlight streamed in to light up the sink and the small wooden table that served as the kitchen and dining room, glinting off the brand new silverware and extra plate he bought for the occasion. 

Cody had bought a lot of other things that he hoped Laquan would like. Books and games, an old flat-screen TV and video game system, a narrow vase that just held flowers. Pillows, and bedsheets, and cologne. Cheeses. Alcohol. Meat he didn't kill himself. It was more than he'd done for anyone in a very long time. When he looked around his cabin, it felt cramped and busy. It made the hair on the back of his neck rise a bit, and he clenched his fists open and closed. He had gotten used to...simpler living. He ate his food raw as often as cooked, and he didn't see the point in filling his home with stuff. It was enough that it smelled like him, and he could see the scratches he put on the walls. But he knew people used things instead of scents to mark their territory; the more personal, the better. He would have to get used to thinking that way again.

Laquan had a talent of explaining the strange ways people had so that he could make sense of them, so that they were endearing instead of baffling and vaguely off-putting. It was, he realized, one of the many reasons he liked him so much. It was an alien view of the world that made him feel more connected to it...or at least want to be. For the first time in years, he wanted to see more of the world beyond his forest. The city wasn't a threatening, stinking mess creeping closer every year; it was a hive of activity full of promise. Walking down the street with Laquan, he wasn't as worried about being found out; he actually felt comfortable enough to be curious about other people. It was still...unnerving, and he needed time in the relative quiet of his woods to recover, but...more and more, he found himself wanting to return to the concrete and asphalt world he had abandoned long ago.

It was a new feeling. He knew better than resist it, so he tried to stare down the challenge of reckoning with it. Maybe this part of him had been in hibernation for long enough. When it was time to poke your nose outside of the den, it was time. You just knew.

He wanted Laquan to be with him as he learned how to be in the world again, but in order for that to happen he would have to know about Cody's secret. If...whatever this was had any chance of working, it must be so, and the sooner the better.

So he had convinced Laquan to come out to his house for the weekend under the guise of showing him how to flourish in the forest. Well, not a guise, really -- he would definitely show him a thing or two. But by Monday morning, he would know what very few others did -- and either they would take their relationship to the next step or end it right then and there. 

Laquan arrived in someone else's car just before noon. He had three bags; one of those airport carry-ons, a duffel bag that felt like it was filled with books, and one of those trail backpacks filled to bursting with who knew what. He struggled out of the back seat gracelessly, and gave Cody an embarrassed smile in thanks when he hurried over to help. 

"You don't travel light, do you?" Cody said, a half-grin on his face as he looked away. It was a deeply-ingrained habit; you didn't look someone in the eye unless you wanted to challenge them. He was still uncomfortable when Laquan insisted on direct eye contact when they were having a conversation, but it was another one of those things he was glad to have a friendly guide for.

"It takes a lot of work to achieve this level of perfection," he said, gesturing to his outfit. And to his credit, he looked as amazing as always; skinny dark blue jeans were tucked into crisp tan hiking boots, and a slightly-too-large t-shirt bearing a writer's face draped off his slender shoulders. He wore a purple fisherman's hat and gold-rimmed sunglasses that gleamed in the sun and contrasted the rich, dark tone of his brown skin. Cody leaned in to kiss one of Laquan's high cheekbones, grunting in satisfaction.

"Well you'll have to show me your secrets this weekend. I guess I could use a few grooming tips."

"I don't know if we'll ever get that beard under control." He glanced sideways at Cody. "But I got some stuff in my bag. We'll see what we can do."

He brought the bags in and gave Laquan the lightning-quick tour of the house. He was worried that it would be almost hopelessly plain compared to what the city-dweller was used to, which was why he blushed so intensely when it was called cozy instead. Cody showed him the TV, the games, the compromises he made for his den to look more attractive. Laquan simply nodded with vague appreciation, but kept looking out the window, towards the calm blue lake and towering green trees. 

"So you just...live here?" He said, stepping out onto the front porch.

"Yeah," Cody said, looming behind him. "I like it out here."

"I can see why. You can actually smell the trees. And the water." He wrinkled his nose a little. "And whatever that is."

Cody laughed and gently cuffed the smaller man on his shoulder. "Nature is nature. It stinks a lot of the time."

Laquan shuffled forward a few steps and turned towards him. "Well, you said it. What do you usually do out here this time of day?"

It was an innocent enough question, but it still made Cody's heart skip a beat. "I...uh...I'm usually on a hike right about now. Deep in the woods."

"All right," Laquan said, stepping closer and grabbing Cody's hands. "Take me to your favorite hiking trail."

Cody raised his eyebrows. "But you just got here. Aren't you hungry? Did you want to shower? I bought alcohol, I can make you a cockatail."

Laquan snorted. "Cocktail? Why're you trying to get me drunk right away?"

"Isn't that what people do on vacation?" Cody smiled, but he couldn't keep the hesitation out of his voice.

Laquan raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Well, you've got me there. I tell you what -- make me a cocktail to go and we can drink while we hike!"

Cody sensed his excitement and felt himself reflecting it. "All right. I'll make something for both of us to share. Then we can go on a short walk."

He made something with pineapple and orange and coconut and a ton of alcohol, because they both loved their drinks sweet. Cody showed him one of his favorite trails to walk on Sunday mornings; since it snaked close to the road on occasion it could be loud at other times, but it also had the biggest variety of flowering plants, fruiting bushes and trees, interesting insects. Cody felt himself relax in the quiet, and with the alcohol, showing off the hidden caches of food all around if only one knew where to look. This was the tour he wanted to give; more than the busy and stuffy cabin, this forest was his home. 

Laquan was curious about everything, even when he didn't have to be. He listened to Cody gush about a berry bush for five straight minutes, asking questions about how he knew when the fruit would ripen and which animals frequented it so precisely. He screamed when Cody turned over a rock to show him the grubs underneath, but came back laughing to take a closer look. Even though he refused to eat one, he only said "gross" about a dozen times when Cody did -- just to show it was safe. He was even game to climb a tree when the path rose up a hill next to the river to get a view of how the water glittered in the sunlight. 

He noticed things, too. Like how Cody was lead along the trail by his nose. Or the deep scratches in the wood of some trees, as high as his shoulder and sometimes higher. He also noticed how a bubble of silence seemed to follow them wherever they went, the sound of birdsong always a hundred or so feet away from them. 

"Are there bears in these woods or something?" He asked when they took a detour to a small, rocky beach on the river. They were sitting on the ground, in the sun. Laquan had taken off his shoes to dip his feet into the clear water and was looking up into bright sky, tracking a lone, puffed cloud as it crawled its way east. 

Cody felt his chest tighten, but not as much as it would have without two-thirds of the cocktail warming it. Laquan had asked the question with the casual air of someone who expected the answer to be "no". Was this the time? 

He tried to imagine what it would be like to receive that news. Laquan talked a lot about how he felt danger lurking around every corner just because of who he was, how he always had to keep one eye on the exit in any situation. It wasn't easy for a black man to be openly gay anywhere; in his own neighborhood, he was cast out for who he loved, and out here he was cast out just for how he looked. Late one night in his apartment, after they had seen their first movie together, he talked about how he learned he wouldn't be accepted anywhere and how painful the lessons were. 

At first, the nervous energy that Laquan exuded made him feel confident, almost superior. Cody knew he could handle himself if a situation got violent, and he'd be warned of danger well ahead of time with the smaller man's finely-tuned senses. But as he learned why Laquan was so leporine in the way he interacted with the world, Cody came to appreciate the resilience it took to be broken, multiple times, and put yourself back together to go back out into the world. Laquan might not have been as strong as Cody was, but he was a lot more courageous. 

He could handle the truth, Cody decided. What's more, he deserved it. He realized his admiration for the man had blossomed into love, a warm and protective regard. He trusted they would be able to make this work. He really wanted it to work. 

"Something," he said, feeling his heart quicken in his chest. "I'm the bear in these woods."

Laquan looked at him for a moment, then snorted. "I always knew you were a bear, but it's nice to hear you finally admit it to yourself. That's not the kind of bear I'm talking about." He bumped Cody's side with his shoulder, bouncing off the larger man's solid bulk.

"That's...not the kind of bear I'm talking about either," Cody said quietly. He thought about slipping an arm around Laquan but thought it might not be taken as affection. He knitted his fingers together and looked down at his hands. "I know you're not going to believe me, but there's no way to say it in a way that makes it sound less crazy."

Laquan tensed, then lifted himself away to look at Cody. "You mean, like, one of those furries?"

Cody laughed. He couldn't help it; the shock of it summoned a disbelieving bark and then a warm, rolling belly laugh bubbled up within him. "No. Uh...no. I mean, I know a few. But not like that. I'm....I'm a werebear."

Laquan went quiet for a few minutes. The river burbled. The birds chirped. The insects buzzed. 

"Prove it," he said. "Right now."