Story Pitch in Need of Feedback

Hello everyone!

Today I wanted to hit you with a story pitch, just to test the waters with it. I know, I know, at this point I have too many story ideas and not enough writing time. I wouldn’t put pen to paper on this until I completed Downward Dog and Hottie in the Mirror, but it's kicking around my brain right now, so I wanted to talk about it. 

I've been experimenting with mixing some romantic themes into my stories lately in Hottie in the Mirror, and I thought it would be fun to write a kinky, taboo, happy-ending romance story. The story will be the story of the MC earning respect and recognition of his masculinity from an older woman who starts out as his teasing dommy mommy, finally moving into an equal and loving relationship of two dominant people. The tone is meant to be feel-good, but with plenty of kinky sex and power struggles. The concept is different than a lot of my other stuff, so I was hoping to use you guys as a sounding board and see if this story sounds interesting. Let me know what you think! What follows is a vague, spitbally outline of part one of the story.

• 1. Nate (18M) has been living with Sammie (33F) for a few years since his life went to shit. She used to be his next door neighbor, but now looks after him and is sort of a surrogate mother figure. Sammie is a curvy, tattooed, dominant woman who is sexually ravenous and fiercely independent. Her relationship with Nate is teasing, bordering on bullying sometimes, but he is well aware that she cares for him a lot and is very protective of him.

• 2. Nate has developed a humiliating crush on Sammie recently. One day, Sammie accidentally walks in on him masturbating to a scantily clad social media post she made. Nate is mortified, but Sammie thinks this is very amusing. Building off her playful bullying attitude towards him, she can’t resist teasing him by dressing in skimpy outfits and flirting with him. 

• 3. Finally, Sammie realizes that Nate is taking her teasing too seriously and feels a little bad. She sits him down to apologize, but as she is trying to, Nate screws up his courage and kisses her.  Sammie has to admit that she is impressed and mildly turned on by the little guy’s balls. She knows it’s a bad idea, but she has always been a little impulsive: fuck it, if the little squirt is so thirsty for me, why not give him a little taste? 

• 4. Sammie handcuffs Nate to a chair (“in case his big balls give him any other crazy ideas”) and gives him a teasing, dominant handjob. To Nate’s shame, he involuntarily moans out “Mommy” as he cums, which Sammie finds hilarious and inexplicably arousing.

• 5. Sammie tries to tease Nate about calling her “Mommy”, but their dynamic has shifted after their first sexual encounter, and they both get turned on. Without either intending to, they are both drawn together like magnets. Without handcuffs, Nate is eager, almost aggressive, but Sammie puts him in his place. She is physically stronger than him, and pins him down, riding him hard as they have sex for the first time.

• 6. Afterward, they have real talk: Sammie knows that this situation is a little fucked up, but she has always been very sex-positive and also very good at maintaining positive relationships with former sex partners. She is willing to fool around with Nate, but only on her schedule: she won’t be at the beck and call of a horny teen. Oh, and he has to call her Mommy in bed.

• 7. Nate and Sammie get closer, spending more time together even aside from sex. Sammie starts trying to cook for Nate, despite being a horrible chef. Maybe she is subconsciously trying to match the “Mommy” image Nate has of her.

• 8. Nate and Sammie playfully wrestle in bed. This has become their bedroom dynamic, pleasurable, teasing physical struggle. Sammie always wins. Nate admits that he wants Sammie to see him as more than just a little boy who submits to her: he wants her to see him as a man. Sammie dares him to show her how manly he can be, then. He fights hard, but is pinned again by Sammie’s powerful thighs. As the cuddle afterward, Sammie tells him bluntly, but not cruelly that he has a ways to go before she can see him as a man. Nate starts working out.

• 9. Nate asks Sammie to go on a date. She is surprised, and the idea is strange, but she respects his courage in asking and agrees. Nate takes her to a carnival. It feels strange to be out in public like they are a couple, but Sammie doesn’t hate it. They do romantic things, which begin to feel more natural as the night goes on. Some drunk guys catcall Sammie and Nate stands up to them. Sammie rolls her eyes and says she doesn’t need help, but inwardly reflects that courage and protectiveness are an attractive look on Nate.

• 10. As a reward for doing so well in planning their date, Sammie has a special surprise for Nate: She takes a more submissive role that night, allowing him to experiment with being dominant towards her (something she knows he has been craving). Nate does surprisingly well despite his inexperience, and as he makes Sammie cum, he successfully pushes her to call him “Daddy”.

• 11. Afterward, they have another serious discussion. Sammie is affectionate, but firm: tonight was a lot of fun, but she likes being dominant in bed most of the time. She’s willing to play around with switching roles sometimes, but Nate had better not expect that she is his submissive plaything now. Also, about the “Daddy” thing… Sammie played along in the moment, but she has to break it to Nate: He isn’t Daddy material right now. She’s not saying he won’t get there someday, but he’s getting ahead of himself. Nate stubbornly insists that he’ll just have to prove himself then. Sammie laughs, tousels his hair and relents a little: maybe on rare occasions she will let him be “Daddy” for the night as a special treat. They both fall asleep, wondering where this relationship is headed…

Well, what do you think? Interesting? Not interesting? I would hate to spend anyone time developing this idea if people think it sounds bad. Let me know in the comments!