Genesi Joel of Nordstrom

I drove him wherever he wanted me to drive him. that day it was the mall. it was when i first started to realize he doesn't care about anyone but himself. his habits I thought were cute quirks when I saw him from a screen, was what was driving me to pull the trigger each night. I remember seeing how excited he was the moment his black eyes met with luxury goods
"woah this is a big one, haha." he said while he adjusted how he was dressed and stepped out of my car. I held my smile and chuckled with him even though I didn't find any of this funny. it's 8pm, we'd been looking at new apartments the whole day since my lease for the one we were staying in was almost up and he refused to get a job to make more money. swore he couldn't. yet here we were at the nicest mall in Chattanooga I could bring him too. "with what money to spend" I thought.

I did love seeing him like this though. for someone with so much narcissism and obsession he also hated himself a lot and wouldn't let himself smile much. It reminded me why I destroyed my life to let him move in with me with all that promise he held. He would get so excited telling about all the history of designs I never cared about. I really just wanted to go home and play DnD with the friends I was waiting for me. 

His eyes were so dark yet they sparkled like diamonds when he spoke of Burberry, Gucci, Louis Vuitton. he would warn me not to touch anything when we went into these stores. and suddenly, the best solution to our issue was right in front of us. what if he worked for the brands he obsesses over? 

I smiled more as we walked around till we came to the museum of excitement. a department store I avoided since I knew I could never afford it.
"Nordstrom" the text loomed over me as he gave me that unwillingly sinister smile as he pulled me through the gates of my own hell. for all the times he seemed adorable with his quirks it was times like this that I didn't find his disorders all that adorable. He would go on and on talking to salesman and women of each corner asking for shoe sizes he can't afford. It made me scared of him yet attracted to him how loquacious he was when he spoke of things he liked. he talked like a discord moderator meme cringe baby when we were alone together but here, he knew years, sizing, fabrics, textures so ripe. if you love all of this why do you act like such a couch potato at home? not even work on commissions overdue for years? suck at math? you lying fuck, you know it better then I do when you don't have to pretend to be stupid! I thought. I hadn't really spoke my mind this whole time through. after we were at the Balenciaga and Off-White Corner for half an hour I just slipped it in.
"why don't you just work here?" I said while smiling at him as he obsessively felt the fabric of all this art he couldn't claim. 

his eyes jolted at me like I'd never seen. he was smiling. not like the sinister clown he acted as around the salesmen but the puppy I fell in love with. He hated his mouth. and teeth. it didn't help after my mother said he had "long teeth." she couldn't help her white guilt racism even when I brought the love of my life, at the time, to dinner. 

"fuck dude, I actually might..." he said in that adorably deep calm voice of his. he grabbed my hand and gave me a big hug, smiling up at me the more he brewed the thought in his own library of Alexandra in his prefrontal cortex. "yeah~" I continued as I hugged him back and booped his adorable nose, "and you'd get discounts to all these brands AND you'd be making your own money to buy more of this stuff!" not obviously mentioning why I really want him to work. so we aren't homeless. to pay for food, bills, necessities we needed truly, not an industrial belt for 400 dollars cause it says funny words on it that's supposed to be deep. 

he actually went for it. he asked the salesmen for work details and even set up an interview so he can get the job I know he'll easily get. him being on the receiving end of a rich white vixen glimmering over the detail of a Chanel bag? he'll he could run the mall in a few years. I was excited when we went back in the car and left with all the paper work. "you excited?" I asked while putting on my seatbelt and turned the car on, smiling at him. he looked up at me and smiled. "maybe, heheh." he said. I didn't like the sound of it. "huh? why maybe? you already set up the interview, dummy"
"well, I was just being polite to them." he put on his ear buds and started blasting music instead of talking to me. I hadn't made any progress the whole night. He's still the confusing. apathetic. sociopathic. charming. self loathing black cat he always has been. 

"why the fuck did I bring him into my home" I thought as I began to drive back to our small apartment. my small apartment. for now.