Stumbling Up: A Loser's Guide to Progression: Chapter 60: What the Slug Giveth, He Taketh Away

"Where did she take him?"

"Gimi’s an alchemist in the Bath Quarter. He's probably fine. She does this sometimes, gets obsessive over an ingredient. The fumes have eroded her brains. I can take you to her place. My name is Liv. What’s your name, friend?" She stood, her body stretching unusually tall in front of me. I blinked. It had to be the drugs.

"My name's Cole." I tried to stand, but the world spun violently.

Liv signaled a server to bring two glasses of water. Sobering up was a good call.

This was turning into an awful night.

"I need to get back to Mistress Del's, get Meredeath." It was the oddest thing to hear myself mumbling but being unable to stop myself. How much of the sweet water had I drunk?

"You're one of Del's? You don't look her type. Crap." Liv snapped her fingers, and I watched as she talked to the server. They looked at me worried.

Suddenly Meredeath was there.

"What happened? Is he drunk?" She snapped her fingers in front of my face. I cringed shying away. "Oh, fuck, can't I just have one night off?"

Liv and Meredeath helped me up, and we staggered up the velvet stairs. The alley was dark and empty, and thankfully not too far from The Velvet Box.

The air smelled faintly of sewage and mint. Meredeath swore nonstop. I wasn't sure why Liv had latched onto us, but I wasn’t in a position to argue.

Leo'd been sleeping when we barged in. Tandy had been practicing. They both gave me a look of disgust as I sat heavily in bed, watching Meredeath and Liv explain what happened.

My mind wandered. The silence of the room after the club was deafening. They whispered to each other, debating a plan of action. My heart thumped distantly, stretched thin as it reached for Richard. He was alive. I knew that much.

I took off my vest. It was so hot.

"It's the sweet water. He's going to be naked soon if you don't stop him." Liv's voice rattled in my head. Was she talking about me? I started fumbling with the chaps. I just needed to change. The leather string fumbled through my fingers.

Leo batted my hand away. "Put this on, big man." He handed me my nightshirt as he helped with the chaps. No one had called me big man since I was a kid, and Floria's job had been to get all of us ready for bed in the loft.

"I'm not a big man. I'm an [Adventurer]." The words made sense in my head. An [Adventurer] was all grown up, not some puffed-up pretend version of an adult. Maybe I wasn't cut out for Meredeath, but maybe Liv was more my speed.

I blinked, realizing I'd been pointing at Liv. Fuck.

"Leo, take care of him, will you? We're going to move this conversation outside?" Tandy took control of the situation. She was cleaning up the mess. Reliable Tandy.

The girls left as Leo stripped me down.

"Did they leave because of me?"

Leo looked at me with, was it pity? Compassion?

"No, you're okay, man. It's just time for bed. We'll get your slug back tomorrow."

I looked at him and reached out, tugging at his beard like I'd seen Meredeath. He looked at me confused. I just patted his cheek and climbed up into the loft.

Distantly, I heard the door crack back open.

"He just climbed into your bed?" Tandy whispered too loudly.

"Yeah, after patting me in the face."

"Drugs do weird things."

"I guess."

Blissful oblivion took me.

The morning was not so blissful. I lay flat out on Leo's bed. Head probably right where his droop pile normally sat.

"Good morning." Tandy had pulled herself up, her head even with mine. She'd poked me awake.

"Please tell me I wasn't a complete idiot," I whispered. My face was burning as I realized I was naked except for my underwear.

"I can't do that, but I can tell you that you now own the top bunk."

Great. Failing up.

"Is it recoverable?" I'm not sure I'd recover my pride, but I had to figure out how to function.

"I mean, for you?" She teased. "Maaaybe… You're fine. Just get dressed before you come downstairs for breakfast. It's going to be a big day."

I came downstairs ready for breakfast.

"I mean, Richard is slippery. It's not all Cole's fault," Tandy said loudly, as I came up to the table.

"Yeah, plus you were there too, Meredeath. This is partially your fault," Leo chimed in.

I knew what they were trying to do. It made me feel better, anyway.

"So, what's the plan?" I gave a nod to Liv.

"We rescue Richard, then head to the Adventurers’ Guild to lodge a complaint and claim our dungeon." Tandy said matter-of-factly.

"I work with Mistress Del most nights, so she's tasked me with helping you. Besides, I want to get to the bottom of Gimi drugging you. The club is a safe space. Petty theft is one thing, but you were a helpless babe. If Gimi's drugging people that badly, I need to get her barred from the club. I mean, she should be barred anyway, but I'm not sure the twins are going to care about a missing slug," Liv explained.

"The twins?" I asked, my head still fuzzy.

"The barkeepers, the owners of the place." Liv was much too chipper for whatever o'clock in the morning this was.

So, Mr. Nipples was of the owners? I needed a new line of work.

"It's my new skill, [Gelatinous Regeneration]," I explained. "It decreases my [Poison Resistance]. On the one hand, I get drunk quicker. On the other...”

"... You get drugged quicker." Liv nodded. "That's a dangerous skill. Hopefully, the regeneration is worth it."

"Did you say gelatinous? You didn't tell me you’d picked up a new skill." Leave it to Tandy to latch on to the one thing I didn't want her asking questions about.

"Yeah, I picked up two after defeating the last boss." I darted my eyes to Liv, trying to redirect the conversation somewhere safer. "So, what's the plan?"

An hour later, I paced outside an alchemist shop waiting for my team members. My head throbbed. The sun was as bright as a flicker. Whoever invented sweet water deserved eternal boils.

Cole?

"Richard?" I shouted.

I'm in here.

"The alchemists?"

No, the spa.

I blinked. The spa? I looked around. Sure enough, a giant sign read Amidale's Spa Emporium.

"So you weren't captured?"

I was, but you think an alchemist in Eddie's Mill could hold me captive when the [Lich] Queen of Niyatgra couldn't?

The slug had a good point. I ducked into the alchemist's shop. Leo had Gimi pushed up against a wall. Tandy was holding a wooden cage, pointing at a slime pile.

"Guys, he's next door." The group looked at me. "Hi, Gimi. What are you going to offer us not to report you to the authorities?"

Oh, ask for a sample case. And get a jar of the dancing nettles. I could use that in my collection.

Collection? Was Richard an [Alchemist]?

"Uh, I could offer you a nice pouch of moon blossom?" Gimi offered.

Leo growled, shoving her harder against the rack. "And I could push you through this wall and send everything on this rack onto the floor."

The offer was insulting. The woman took one look at our group and assumed we were all partnered up.

"How about a sample pack, some of the white lace, a pack of yarrow, plantain, and all of your dancing nettles?"

Gimi's eyebrows knitted together as we started the negotiations.

We had an advantage. Leo applied pressure if Gimi got too stubborn.

We left Gimi's alchemy shop stocked with everything Richard wanted, and with a good start to my first aid kit.

Walking into Amidale's an attendant greeted us warmly. "Ah, such a large group this morning. What sort of service package can I offer you? We have baths, steam rooms, as well as a variety of treatments."

"I'm looking for my slug."

"Excuse me?" The lady was flabbergasted. I didn't blame her.

"I'm looking for a foot-long banana slug. His name's Richard," I repeated.

This got us escorted onto the street.

"Richard!" I called. “Come join us, or you're going to have to slug back to Mistress Del's on your own.”

Screams emanated from the baths as two half-naked customers came running out wrapped in towels.

The attendant was behind the counter with a broom aimed at Richard.

He was fluffed out, slowly undulating forward. His glistening skin was shiny, newly steamed, and no doubt abundantly moisturized.

Stepping forward, I pointed at Richard. "See? I told you my slug was in here."

I knelt down, picked Richard up and put him on my shoulders.

And that was how we ended up being banned from two establishments in one morning. Might as well aim for three.

Next stop: Adventurer's Guild.