Stumbling Up: A Loser's Guide to Progression - Chapter 52: Sewer Stakes

Took you losers long enough. I would advise not coming into the room.

"What's that voice?"

"That's our sentient slug, Richard." Meredeath thankfully answered for me.

Peering into the room, the team was suspended from a cage above a giant bubbling vat of green liquid. The concoction looked deadly. Oily bubbles formed and popped with a sizzle, making me think it was an acid. Tandy sat, dejected with a yellow slug on her shoulders, up on his tail, tentacles waving at us.

"There she is, I knew she was still alive," Andrew whispered, pointing. Adjusting my gaze, I saw on the opposite side of the room another cage, dangling above what appeared to be a vat of normal water. In that cage sat a young girl. She crouched, little hands holding tight to the bars. Behind her sat two decomposing skeletons.

This was not a good look.

"What is this, some sort of Bond movie?" Meredeath whispered. "Where’s the villain?"

"I don't see anyone, do you?" A raspy voice from behind us, hot breath on my neck.

Meredeath whipped around, and the green flare in her eyes dimmed as horror took hold.

Everything happened in slow motion. Andrew reached for his axe as he slowly spun. Four giant claws burst from my chest as my body lifted off the ground. They were yellow and bloody as they poked through my torso.

Meredeath dodged, rolling into the room to avoid the claws aimed at her.

I was dimly aware that my body was feeling pain. I could feel blood pump uselessly out of my wounds. That vital organs had been punctured. But my awareness was floating away. The creature, which I still couldn’t see, shook its paw, flinging my limp body over Meredeath’s head.

I caught a glance of her shocked expression as my blood speckled her pale face. My body twisted, giving me a quick view of the giant raccoon standing behind us.

The bandit-faced creature squinted as it grinned at my demise. It stood ten feet tall, clad in a giant trench coat with thick arms and foot-long claws. Sunken eyes, missing whiskers, and sagging lips gave it an unnatural appearance.

My spine had been severed, so I hit the ground in a boneless heap. My mind was trapped in jelly as my health plummeted to 0.

[You, Cole Thornfield, are [Dead].]

[[Cheat Death] has triggered. You are incapacitated while the analysis of the situation is complete. This may take some time. I hate this skill.]

Later, I'm sure, my team will ask me what it feels like to be dead. I floated above my body, watching my team lose to the amorphous beast. Dying feels helpless.

The beast barreled forward, knocking Andrew down and trampling Meredeath. Green daggers flashed forward, aimed at its underbelly. The creature didn’t flinch, its body almost bending away from the blades.

A horde of smaller raccoons flowed in behind it, filling the corners of the room. An audience for the spectacle. They chittered, watching their god take on the two [Adventurers].

Something about the boss bothered me. I tried triggering [Analyze].

[Your skill [Analyze] has failed. You are [Dead].]

A glob of fat shot out of the sleeve of the creature, pinning Meredeath to the floor. The green on her daggers snuffed out as she struggled to keep her mouth free of the goo.

Andrew roared a skill as his double-bladed axe sliced neatly through the monster. The two halves of the creature split in two. Tandy and Leo cheered, but the watching ring-tailed seemed unconcerned.

Don't stop, it's still alive! I tried shouting, uselessly. No lungs pushed air through my incorporeal throat.

The two halves of the creature slapped back together with a wet smack. The creature’s skin sloughed off as it relinquished the disguise. Underneath, the monster looked like a collection of fat and grease dumped into the sewers over the years.

A congealed arm whipped out, slamming Andrew into a vat, acid sloshing over the rim. The [Wayfinder] spun, his face bloody and bubbling. I fully expected him to be joining me in the afterlife.

Instead, he flashed a grin, knuckles white on the handle of his axe.

Flecks of red fury danced in his eyes as he spat two skills, "[Bloodlust], [Mirror Weapon]."

I wouldn't have considered Andrew small; his shoulders were too broad to be petite. Short? Yes, but small? Never.

Now the [Wayfinder] towered over the boss menacingly, as he’d tripled in size. Stepping forward, his axe had magically split so he could dual-wield mirror copies. He looked ready to kick ass.

Sensing their master's unease, the audience bounded into the fray. Little knife-wielding furry hands stabbed Andrew as they crawled up his body. The [Wayfinder] laughed at their little toothpicks, tossing the raccoons bodily into the waiting vats.

The boss, enraged, spat a glob of fat at Andrew. The man deflected with a swipe of an axe.

Andrew triggered another skill. He spun as the raccoons flew like debris in a tornado. His axes arced, spraying congealed chunks across the arena.

Not even Leo would dare challenge that guy to a fight.

As the skill wore off, Andrew staggered back dizzy but self-satisfied. A giant wedge had been chewed out of the beast's body. He watched as the creature toppled sideways.

"Mira, I'm going to get you down. Don't worry!" Andrew called to the girl, who was watching him wide-eyed.

I watched the body of the boss, presumably dead, on the floor— the goo of its body leaking through the holes in its coat. The goo started congealing with an intelligence that could only mean one thing. It wasn't done yet.

I yelled, the words stuck in my psyche. There had to be some way to get their attention. I closed my vision, mimicking taking a deep breath to center my mind and gather my will. This time, instead of screaming at Andrew, I mentally shouted.

THE BOSS LIVES!

Andrew heard none of it. Meredeath, on the other hand, started shouting.

"Behind you!" she screamed, trying to get the shrinking brute's attention. Meredeath threw a dagger across the expanse, and it hit the creature with a dull slurk.

Andrew's [Bloodlust] skill had worn off now that his attention was focused on Mira. His body shrank down to his normal size, axes combining into one.

The creature rose, no longer trying to be sly. A dagger hilt sticking out of its head. Within its gelatinous body, a raccoon skull floated like a berry stuck in gelatin. The creature was smaller than it'd been before, but not by nearly enough to make a difference in the outcome of the fight.

Andrew turned, finally getting the message. The monster wasn't taking any chances this time, raising both its arms. A giant glob rocketed towards the [Wayfinder], catching him full force in the face.

The fight had ended.

The raccoons still alive skittered out from the darkness, surrounding the creature with chitters of adoration and praise. The monster used a skill to pop Meredeath into the cage holding [Your Mom's Party], and Andrew into the cage holding the girl. Gelatinous fat dripped off them both into the vats below. Angry fins appeared in the water as sharks fought for a chance morsel.

[Analysis complete. Here are the skills you and your slug deserve.

You have gained the skill [Gelatinous]. You have a permanent body augment that allows you to resist physical damage. You have decreased resistance to [Cold] and [Heat], and [Moist] environment needs have increased.

You have gained the skill [Gelatinous Regeneration]. You have a permanent body augment that gives you increased regeneration from physical attack.]

My consciousness slammed back into my body. I lay, pretending to be dead. I clenched my teeth, trying not to moan, as things shifted around my wounds. It felt like my skin slithered over the wound. It felt like worms burrowed in my body, slithering things into place to fix the damage.

I concentrated on my health bar, which showed 4/25 and began ticking up rapidly. Although the new skills were uncomfortable, they seemed effective. I could feel my guts seal into place. I curled up, revolted as I knew I’d lost another chunk of my humanity. This wasn’t healing; this was something else.

Richard brought me back to reality.

Be careful, you're our only hope now.

Richard always cut to the heart of it. If humanity was the price to pay for my friend's lives, then so be it.

Triggering [Analyze], I finally had a name for the creature.

[The Fat Berg takes on characteristics of its last kill. Gelatinous, it’s resistant to most physical damage.]

The dungeon had seemed to go into a resting state. The raccoons had scattered, running down the dim corridors to their natural resting places. The gelatinous monster had followed them, as if he were going to review the traps and placement of his maze. Maybe he was.

The boss chamber was quiet, just the low hiss of the bubbling cauldron and the silent sobs of the girl clinging to Andrew.

I sat up slowly, eyes on the dark corners. The room appeared to be empty.

The control mechanism for the cages is on the wall behind the vats.

Carefully, I followed the wall. Even the girl had stopped sobbing, eyes glued to me. The chains holding up the cages ran along several pulleys down to a magically enhanced crank. Buttons sat in the panel to lower the cages, to raise them, to swivel the hook holding them in place. Another set for each vat to empty and fill them, and an emergency release.

The labels seemed straightforward, assuming they were labelled correctly. One wrong button punch could drop everyone I cared about into an acid pit.

I slowly approached the control mechanism to get a better look. Andrew's training kicked in as I looked for a potential trap. This was too obvious to be a simple hit of a button. I spotted recessed nozzles pointed around the panel. My health had ticked up at a supernatural speed to 20/25.

I didn't see a trigger plate. The buttons themselves must be the trigger mechanism. Taking a step closer, a plate clicked. Shit, I hadn't thought to look out here.

An alarm started blaring, the inset lights in the ceiling of the dungeon flashed red, alerting everyone to the intruder. Fuck.

"Cole, he's coming!" Leo shouted. No kidding.

My mind raced. Which button to hit? I wasn't concerned with the traps anymore.

An audible splut drew my attention. The trenchcoated blob turned the corner, its face morphing into a wild raccoon grinning at me with sharpened teeth.

An arm pointed at me, ready to cover me in goo.

I lunged for the buttons.

Water jets tore through my body as I slammed into the panel, hitting several buttons at once. I flew into the air, watching as the girl screamed as her cage dropped an inch, and the acid began sloshing out of its vat.

The Fat Berg was overdue for a bath.