Stumbling Up: A Loser's Guide to Progression - [Bonus Chapter]: The Slug also Rises Part 3

Richard had a long string of very bad days. Today wasn't one of them.

"And what does my little banana slug think?" Rhi Voss asked in a cutesy voice as though Richard was nothing more than a stuffed animal.

"Mrhble," he moved his lips at an approximation of speech. They'd established over the course of many years that she did not like being ignored. He refused to admit that he was anything more than a slightly oversized fanged banana slug.

She grinned at him, as though he'd complimented her choice of bones.

Rhi Voss, the bone lady, was an enigma to most mortals. Unfortunately, as far as Richard could tell, he wasn't mortal. He'd lived a timescale impossibly long for a fanged banana slug. For a mere human, it was almost comprehensible. The years march onward. It was no surprise that Rhi had lost her humanity at some point, a few hundred years ago.

Richard still regretted being the one tasked with finding out.

The bones framing his cage were smooth, honed by slime and inconsequential teeth.

Rhi stood in a flowing green dress reminiscent of the ballgowns she'd worn to celebrate their supposed victory over the Merkle queen. He still remembered her youthful smile as she twirled, watching the dress billow out like a child on festival day.

Technically, she was the same being. Some hair had fallen out, and her gum line receded as her eyes shrank into their sockets, but the mind behind her skeletal visage was his old friend. The years had changed them both.

"Ah, Richard. I wish you'd talk to me. Don't you miss our old [Party]? My sister, Leal, Dras, and Nissel?" She looked at him, her eyes focusing for once. "I know why they sent you, you know?" She waved a hand, raising a battalion of bone figures. "They thought old Rhi wouldn't touch you, not you, my old friend. My old, boneless, friend."

Richard blinked, his antennae extended as though he were recognizing her figure waving at him.

She stared a while, then moved on to one of the fifty other cages.

The beauty of madness was that she couldn't keep track of which fanged banana slugs turned over, versus the one who sat eternal. Richard wasn't about to inform her, as dull as the years had been. He knew she still sought vengeance.

It was his fault that her sister no longer stood with the living.

He undulated across his cage to munch on a wilted leaf of lettuce. He'd grown accustomed to less-than-fresh food. Wilt had a way of adding a layer of bitterness to the flavor profile. It felt fitting.

Half the time, she'd forgotten to feed them at all. He was a third of his expected size.

The skeleton army danced with Rhi as though she were a princess of the court, each twirling in circles around her in precise footwork that would have been the envy of any royal court, no matter that the steps were of another age.

Richard munched, one eye on her, when a portal opened up below his foot. Richard had one eye on Rhi as he dropped through the floor of his cage.

"I kneeeewww it!" Her shout rang out, just as a rush of green energy hit his cage, collapsing it instantaneously.

Richard dropped into the darkness until he landed with a wet plop.

"Whose there?" The platform Richard had landed on turned right, then left. "Come out, or I'll..." The man trailed off, presumably because he didn't know how he'd finish the sentence.

The man was bald and hopefully old and drunk, as not many individuals could gain a yellow toupee without noticing unless they were stroking out. The man burped, and Richard peered down, getting a good whiff of sour ale.

"Leo better come home, rent's due," the man muttered, turning to go back into the shack he called home. The screech of a predator broke the night air. Mice shook, waiting for fate to cast its shadow.

Richard found himself picked up by a rather large owl. Its claws were huge, plucking him off the old man's head like a kid with a candy stick. The bird wheeled over some tired [Outpost] full of rough buildings and dirt roads.

Richard was not going to stand by and be carried off. He was finally free!

He reared back, twisting his body, using his [Slime] skill to increase the slippage. Twisting, he angled his mouth right on the joint of the claw, squeezing him tightly and bit down with his two fangs.

The owl twisted in pain, claw spasming just enough for its prey to fall right through its talons. The bird craned its neck, watching the tasty slug fall into the domain of the bogquacker. The owl wheeled off into the night, looking for easier prey.

For the first time in a century, Richard had a stroke of luck. His trajectory sent him spinning right under an awning, into a barrel of mixed greens. They were wilted, and he had to share with a few squirmy worms, but the produce was several grades better than his usual fare.

The oversized slug began to chow down, hunger making him completely oblivious to his circumstance.

Hot pepper, too.

What a feast.

Chomp - Chomp - Chomp.

The night flew as he ate. He'd done his duty, warned Rhi of the breaches, and the consequences of the impending [System Failure]. It was time to ride out the apocalypse with a full belly. Richard yawned.

I'll rise up tomorrow.

Sleep took the oversized banana slug with a distended belly. Flies buzzed overhead, as the cackle of an old witch floated in the air.