Stumbling Up: A Loser's Guide to Progression - Chapter 18: Aerial Acrobatics: Dungeon Edition

Okay, it's not that Meredeath's heavy, [Enlarge] is wearing off! Hurry!

The dungeon groaned as Richard slowly pulled Meredeath up its esophagus. It took everything in me to run towards the wet burps gurgling up.

Richard was just over the lip, uvula bobbing and tonsils twitching around him. The harness wrapped around him was oversized, and his usually vibrant yellow skin was muted with the strain.

The harness was an intricate masterwork that carefully distributed weight across Richard's chest. The slug was shrinking slowly as his skill wore off. He'd given up on moving forward and heavily excreted a blue, gluey slime cementing him in place.

The rope dug deeply into the flesh of the dungeon, and I struggled to get enough traction to pull any meaningful weight off of Richard's form.

The floor vibrated in a gastric warning of a suppressed barf. I did not want to be swimming again. I dug mercilessly, finally getting my fingers around the trailing line. I tried to anchor myself, pushing my heels deep into the floor.

Richard sighed as some pressure released from his body, but my hands burned. How had my little Fanged Banana Slug pulled Meredeath this far? My forearms burned, and sure enough, my stamina bar started to plummet. Richard quivered beside me, his [Enlarge] skill wearing off, and I took Meredeath's full weight.

"Leo, a little help!" I hissed. I needed his muscles. Adjusting my feet, I stood in a low squat using my legs as leverage. Slowly, the rope inched up. I couldn't believe Richard had made it this far. He must have burned an epic skill or two. I needed access to his class details.

Okay, I can trigger [Enlarge] again, but this is my last refresh for the month.

"Do it!"

I glanced back, realizing that Leo was almost to us. The man was hyper-focused on the rope in my hand and wasn't paying attention to his feet.

What is the fool doing? Oh shit, [Peel]!

Leo's giant foot came down squarely on Richard. Immediately, the full weight of Meredeath hit me, and I staggered forward off balance. I saw Leo comically flailing as it looked like he'd just slipped on ice. Ass over tea kettle he landed and bounced smacking into me.

I was sent headfirst back into the abyss. My grip on the rope broke entirely.

[Enlarge]! [Heroic Moment]!

The rope under me snapped taut at Richard's skills, but it was too slick to grab.

My descent started to pick up speed when I saw Meredeath. Wide-eyed, she braced for impact.

I twisted my body to the side, narrowly avoiding a head-on collision.

We were both coated in slime. I started to slide past, scrabbling for any hold modesty be damned.

My fingers finally caught on the belt of her harness. The rest of my body swung past us. I held on tight, causing the line to jerk.

Eyes closed, I didn't know if Richard could sustain us both. When he didn't move, I slowly opened an eye, only to close it again.

My face was pressed into Meredeath's thigh.

My arms ached. My stamina plummeted. But it was the burn in my ears that was unbearable.

I took a deep breath, no time for dignity.

At least it was a good sign we weren't moving. Even if Richard wasn't pulling us up, we weren't free-falling either.

Dangling from her harness, my face awkwardly plastered to Meredeath, I wouldn’t last long. My stamina bar was down to twenty percent as it started draining again.

"Well, hello there," Meredeath said, "You know we've just met, right? Normally, you buy the girl dinner first." Was that a joke?

She was a lot calmer than I was. My feet dangled uselessly. The fingers in the makeshift harness grated against my fingers. The walls were close, but too slimy to use as leverage.

I tried not to think about breathing.

"Sorry," I managed to choke out. We started dropping again, not rapidly, but slowly. We were pulling Richard in with us.

I kicked my legs, hoping to catch on to anything that would take some weight off my slug. The fleshy walls just gave way, offering no easy grip.

"Don't do that," Meredeath snapped. I stopped. "The dungeon will cough or retch. No good can come from it."

Her logic was sound, but it didn't comfort me much as I watched my stamina bottom out. A muscle spasmed as my health started dropping. We'd stopped falling, but we still weren't progressing up the tunnel.

"I'm not going to be able to hang on much longer," my voice sounded hollow. A muscle slowly started to tear in my shoulder.

"Adventuring is about trusting your team. Just hang on a moment, while Richard's working on his end. Tandy?" she yelled up. "Can you hear me? Can you weave Cole into my harness?" The dungeon shook, and we dropped another span. I let out a harsh scream as tendrils started wrapping around my body. "It's Tandy, you ninny. Stop fighting it."

The rope wound its way through my legs, gripping my butt. Meredeath grabbed my collar and hauled me up. I gasped as the pressure released. My stamina and health began to tick up as the running end pinned me to Meredeath. It was uncomfortable, body to body, face to face. Her breath smelled oddly of mint, as her sizable chest pressed against mine.

It was impossible not to look at her, but I tried nonetheless.

How strong was she? I was twice her size, and she lifted me like a rag doll.

"How?" I wasn't proud of the first word that came out of my mouth. Meredeath wasn't either.

"We're [Adventurers] Cole, did you think I was a useless waif because I look it?" I blushed, fully deserving of the mockery in her tone.

I didn't respond because even after watching her tear into the ribbons of hunger, that's exactly what I'd assumed. My inner embarrassment cut short as we started to slide back down the shaft. Whomever was anchoring us was beginning to lose their battle against gravity.

I'm losing my [Glue] skill, and Leo won’t be much use.

I was about to respond when Meredeath beat me to it, "Damn it Richard, we were almost there." She could hear Richard? Before I could ask, Meredeath started wriggling her body to free her arms and legs from the tangle. She reached for the wall, muttering a skill in an unidentifiable language, "[Schrödinger's Feline]."

"Can you hear him?" I didn't bother hiding the outrage in my voice. If we were about to fall, so be it, but had they been talking behind my back this whole time?

Meredeath opened her eyes, but they weren’t hers. Alien purple slitted eyes stared at me with a glassy flatness. Weren't her eyes green? Even across this alteration, I could tell she wasn't amused.

"Do you want to survive or grill me on my relationship to your slug?" her voice hissed like water on a hot pan. Her skin changed, and fine, dark hair grew rapidly on her face. "Hold on, Cole, this isn't easy."

Meredeath reached for the fleshy wall behind me. I craned my neck to see that her long fingernails had become claws. Her claws dug into the walls, gaining traction immediately. Meredeath kicked her legs out, earning a hold as well. Our weight came off the rigged line, as she clung to the dungeon's throat like a cat on curtains.

As I watched, her face continued to transform. Her eyes shifted into almond shapes, purple swirling around her vertical pupils. Her ears grew pointy and tufted. Not completely a cat, not entirely human.

Was this an [Adventurer] class? I'd never heard of shapeshifting skills. I felt useless as I dangled from Tandy's weave. Meredeath had to have an incredible class.

The dungeon revolted as she began to climb up. The walls shook violently, trying to remove us, as though we were a fish bone stuck in its throat.

It coughed, covering us in wet droplets of spit and mucus. Meredeath kept climbing, slow but steady. I tried to wipe the sticky mucus out of my eyes, but it wasn't easy with all the coils of rope around us.

"Stop it, or I'll have to drop you." Meredeath snarled. I dropped my arms, reduced to dead weight.

Meredeath climbed undeterred. Our bodies rose steadily. The rope harness helped. Although they weren't pulling us up anymore, someone was obviously bringing in the slack. The few times she'd lost her grip in a violent shudder, the rope held.

I tried and failed to fight my inner [Self Critic].

When we breached the mouth of the dungeon, it was chaos incarnate.

Tandy bounced on the tip of the dungeon's tongue. Leo stuck to the roof. Richard was glued in place, hauling in the slack.

No one noticed us at first. The dungeon was rumbling and tossing everyone around. As soon as we'd started pulling over the top, Meredeath's face began returning to normal.

Her eyes shifted green. The fur vanished like a fading illusion.

I was still pasted to the front of Meredeath in a rope and slime-fueled mess. She stood before the team as I hung in a hunched mess as though trapped in a baby sling.

"Sorry, not sure how to get us unstuck," Meredeath said out of the side of her mouth.

"That's what she said!" Leo yelled. Meredeath rolled her eyes.

[Skill Acquired: You have gained a new [Error - Class Not Located] skill, [Minor Slime Manipulation]. You have bonded in slime. This skill gives you minor control over your [Companion’s] slime.]

Took you long enough.

Did I get that because I’ve been cocooned in banana slug glue for the ascent? Gross.

All that struggle and I get a slime manipulation skill? It didn’t even help get me untangled from Meredeath. My mind drifted back to my dreams of a dire wolf companion with a frost breath skill.

Meredeath jiggled up and down, snapping me back to the present.

"Damn, can’t just shake you off. Thanks for the assist, Richard. Tandy, please tell me you can unweave us?" Meredeath called to our teammate, shifting her body so I could see everyone out of the corner of my eye, "No offense, but I like to get to know a guy first."

"None taken," I whispered back, craning my neck to see a thoroughly disheveled Tandy slowly walk over. She looked like she'd made out with a dragon. Dizzy, she carefully picked her way to us. "You okay?"

Tandy's glazed eyes focused on me slowly before she spoke, "Yes? I've got a concussion from getting knocked around. Give me a moment to decide what skill would be best."

"A concussion? Aren't weaving skills mind ba-"

"[Unintended Weave]," Tandy called her skill with an unsteady voice, collapsing in a heap. The ropes that wound us dropped away, along with every stitch in my shirt.

Meredeath shook her foot, releasing the last coil as she stepped away. Leo gave a loud wolf whistle as I stood topless.

Tandy waved at me, "Sorry. Want me to try to fix it?"

"No, that's okay. I'll just... grab something out of my pack over there." I carefully stepped around Tandy, not wanting more of her undressing magic.

I pulled out one of my older shirts, an off white number with a lace-up on the chest.

"Don't you [Adventurer] types always defeat dungeons bare-chested?" Meredeath teased as I threw my shirt over my head.

I do!

I tugged my head through the collar only to be granted a vision of Richard with his chest proudly puffed out in all its naked, slime-coated glory.

Meredeath laughed as I began to wonder if Richard was an exhibitionist.

Unseeing a foot-long, fanged banana slug in a bodybuilder pose is tough. But I was going to spend the rest of my life trying.

"What's next?" I asked, every bit of me resigned to the next horror.

Tandy chuckled darkly, "The only way out is through." She pointed to the throat. I was starting to question my life choices.

"Hey guys. First, can someone get me down?"