Stumbling Up: A Loser's Guide to Progression - Chapter 8: Sheep Lovers

Another branch cracked. I swung my head to the left, finally making out a human silhouette. Richard was coiled around the collar of my shirt, his head stretched forward as though he could pierce the darkness.

Got it. My [Identify] skill triggered. Do you know a guy named Ched?

I groaned, waving off Tandy and Leo with a whispered, "It's just Ched."

"Hey, sheep fuckers. Sounds like you finally noticed me." Ched walked closer to our ring of trees and stepped into the firelight. We'd grown up with Ched. He’d been a darling of the town and one of the kids who had successfully trained into the [Adventurer's] guild.

He'd never bullied us outright, like some of the other kids. But he'd always had this arrogance that informed you of your lesser status. Less than. Ched.

Becoming an [Adventurer] hadn't improved things. He frequently walked around town shirtless with his double-sided battle axe draped across his shoulders and his abs on display. He was the face of Team Abs. It didn't help that Tandy had dated him for a very short time. Leo glared at Ched with the hatred of a thousand suns. It didn't take a genius to understand why.

"What do you want, Ched?" By her tone, she was just as over Ched as Leo.

The man grinned, his tight cutoff stretching over his biceps as he swung his axe, embedding it in a log. The fool posed, putting a foot on the log as he ran a hand through his dark hair.

"I was ordered to check on you," he didn't say it, but I heard it anyway. On you losers. "The city gets attacked. An escape tunnel collapses, bringing down half of Aunt Milli's boarding house. And the only three missing are you all. Plus," he pointed at Tandy, "Someone's grandmother is trying to get the militia to dig you out of the rubble."

The three of us exchanged glances before Tandy said, "No one realizes we signed up to be [Adventurers]?"

Ched grinned, "No one but me. See, I got what's known as an escort mission from the system. It seems like it’s worried you’ll skip out on your duties and fail to show up for the [Trial Dungeon]. So I'm just here to help you find your way." He drew out the line, making helping us find our way sound like a threat.

Before Tandy or Leo lost it, I stepped in, "Well, Ched, hopefully, escort quests give good rewards. We were camping out here tonight and headed to the [Trial Dungeon] in the morning." His expression soured, confirming what I suspected. He'd been hoping to force a bunch of runaways into the dungeon.

Sighing, he sat on the log beside his axe, cutting off any chance at further heart-to-hearts. None of us were going to talk in front of this moron. While I rolled out my bedroll, Leo stoked the fire. Tandy was already lying down, the furthest away from Ched as possible.

It took us all a while to fall asleep. I was unsettled. We were on the cusp of the most significant change of our lives. Despite a hazy memory, I'd realized something after talking to Tandy. This was my choice. This wasn't another job to get by, not something I had to do for my dad.

I had decided to join Tandy because I wanted to change. And the nervousness in my stomach wasn't Leo's cooking, but was the reality that what I chose mattered in a way it never had in Woodsten. This wasn't [Farmer] versus [Smith] versus [Chef]. Lives depended on us. Our lives.

Ched's snores broke my thoughts.

This man is the most annoying version of you humans, isn't he?

I grinned at Richard's commentary. The slug was stretched in front of the fire. He loved heat. It was counterintuitive. I figured he'd dry out or cook that close to the fire. As close as he was, I’d burn immediately.

Tandy was also struggling with everything. She'd put her practice cloth away, but had been muttering skills most of the night.

I turned my head, watching her try to trigger another skill, "[Weave True]!" She'd been pointing at the boughs of trees, but as far as I could tell, nothing happened. Not even a whisper of power, and she'd been at it for almost an hour.

"You okay?" I whispered, realizing Leo had started to doze.

"I know I can use my weaving skills to help us. I just haven't figured out how." A crease had formed between her eyebrows, a sure sign she was about to melt down in frustration.

Her voice was too loud, causing Leo to mutter sleepily, "Mhmm... like those strangers in the rumors. That group, uh, Fellowship of the Rim? They... waltz into dungeons and clear 'em like it's nothing. You'll do that, Tandy. Snap into place. You'll be a killing machine..." His voice trailed off into an obvious snore.

Tandy’s frown deepened at Leo’s ramble. Awake, he was oblivious to her moods, a trait I sometimes envied. I tried to return to her original topic before she ended Leo.

"Tandy, the skill will come. In the meantime, I saw in your pack that you have some daggers? They'll do damage. If your weaver skills aren't a good fit for a fight, you can still do damage. Plus, you're the brains of this operation." Which was true. Tandy was the thinker. Leo, our muscle. Which made me... the guy with the sentient slug?

"I want you to be right," but I'm afraid you're not. She didn't say the words, but they were implied. It didn't help me silence my doubts about my abilities. She wouldn’t be convinced until she did it, and I'm not sure that was even enough to convince me.

I turned over, trying to get comfortable. It wasn't worth arguing with her in this mood. I was already struggling myself.

The campsite was rocky, and none of us had brought tents. My body was still bruised, adding to the discomfort. I watched the blinking stars as Richard fell asleep. Snore snot bubbles broke with each breath. The little sluggo was curled up dangerously close to the flames. One wrong twitch and he'd be cooked.

Maybe I'd get a dire wolf after all.

Tandy muttered on, lost in quiet frustration. The Ever Bear constellation twinkled down on me. He was the protector of [Adventurers]. I'd never given him much significance, but having him in the sky felt good tonight. Eventually, sleep came for us all.

I woke groggy, unsure why. It was the middle of the night. As I looked for Richard, I slowly realized that two fangs had been firmly embedded in my ear.

I'm glad you finally decided to wake up. I've only been yelling at you for the last ten minutes.

I started to reply, but he cut me off.

Silence! Do not move. Just open up your eyes and look up.

He thankfully let go of my ear as I gazed up. At first, I didn't know what I was looking at. It seemed someone had connected the dots of the constellations as I slept. A silvery latticework glistened in the starlight. My eyes widened as I saw a cocooned form slowly ascend a fir tree by a long strand of thread. My eyes followed the glistening line up until I saw her.

We'd made one of the most elementary mistakes a prospective [Adventurer] could make. We'd assumed we were safe. I didn't have to have Richard use his [Identify] skill to know that the dog-sized spider was a widowmaker. The species wasn't common, but it was one of the few human predators in the Heltenic forest.

The spider wove traps for sleeping prey that would snap shut if they started to stir. It was known for picking off each person individually until someone woke up, causing the rest of its trap to trigger. The species was deaf but quickly caught any sudden movement or vibration through its sticky web. Scanning the campsite, I realized that Ched was in the cocoon.

I tried to brush away the twinge of guilt. If anyone at this camp knew better, it'd be Ched. Poor, stupid idiot. He probably relied on his [Party Leader] Theo for wards at night. Theo could have taken out the widowmaker with a single spell.

Ched's cocoon dragged against the tree bark as he was pulled higher. He was likely alive, just paralyzed by a bite. I turned my eyes to my team. If we could, we'd save Ched. And if we couldn't, I’d likely be mourning more than him.

"The spider is deaf, we can talk," I said, tracking her progress with my eyes. "Are either of the others awake?" Leo chose that moment to give a loud snore, answering one question.

"Cole, is that you?" Tandy's urgent whisper was good news. "Do you see it? Whatever you do, don't move."

You're lucky Leo's such a heavy sleeper. If any of you sits up, it's game over.

I ignored Richard, answering Tandy, "I see it. What are we going to do?" This was the moment I'd been fretting, with life and death balanced on our decisions.

Heart racing, my mind chose this moment to play a memory for me: [Adventurers] talking about finding whole camps covered in webbing, sacs with dry husks pinned against trees.

The spider pulled Ched's cocoon against a tree trunk. I watched it slowly wound threads from its abdomen, anchoring Ched in place. The spider's legs moved with agility as it wove a net around the cocoon.

Finished, I could see it looking down at us. I froze, watching as it used an existing layer of webbing to pull itself out between the trees. Once solidly perched, the spider began pulling more thread from its abdomen, stretching it across the camp fifteen feet above our heads.

The three red streaks on its belly confirmed it as a widowmaker.

I waited for Tandy to tell me what to do, and realized the truth. She didn't have an answer any more than I did.

I can help.

"How? Are you going to cut it with a sarcastic comeback? Bite it with your two mighty fangs?" My comments may have been mean, but I was stressed out.

I am an Immortal Fanged Banana Slug!

"You talking to Richard?" Tandy hissed, unimpressed.

I watched the spider stretch two threads together. The widowmaker lowered its mouth and added a thick dollop of glue that glowed with a red, malevolent magic. The threads were magically reinforced to pull tighter if a victim began to struggle.

"Yes, it's Richard. And I don't care if you're the King of the Forest Slugs. There's nothing a banana slug can do against a monster like this."

There's nothing a human [Chef] can do either. Minimally, I'll give it indigestion.

He was right, but the idea of sacrificing Richard made my stomach roil. Somehow, despite myself, I'd become attached to the little sluggo.

"Are you two done fighting over who's less useful? We need to figure this out, or we’ll all die." Tandy was irritated. Leo was still blissfully unaware of our predicament.

The three of us sat in silence for a moment. I looked at Richard, his tentacles were scrunched close to his body, in what I'd identified as a thinking face. The dark spots on his back glistened. He wasn't dried out at all from sleeping almost in the campfire.

Slowly, his tentacles uncurled and swung in my direction as though staring me down. He maintained tentacle-eye contact as his body undulated toward the spruce wrapped in webbing.

"Stop moving, Richard, you're going to bring her down on us." Tandy's voice was tight with anxiety.

I move too slowly for it to notice me.

Eyes focused on the widowmaker, breath held, I waited for him to be wrong. The spider kept gluing its webbing together, oblivious to the foot-long slug with a plan.

"He says he's too small."

Too slow.

I smiled, ignoring him, "What's your plan, Richard?"

I'll inch towards the anchor point on this spruce tree I'm headed towards. Once I'm there, I'll spring the trap. Once she's focused on me, the three of you can escape.

"But springing the trap on you will kill you. That spider will eat you alive." I stopped speaking momentarily as the spider scanned the campsite. My heart thumped in my chest.

The slug kept inching forward towards his target. There had to be an alternative.

As the threads trembled above us, I saw the Everbear twinkle as it watched.

I'll be fine.

"Richard, don't be a dick!"

I sent a silent wish to the heavens, hoping my slug didn't kill us all.