Afterburn

My silence seemed to be an indicator that I was taking questions, or at least that seemed to be Rem’s idea of the situation. I couldn’t really blame her, I totally pulled a ‘great spirit’ out of nothing- and if it wasn’t clear by now, I was certainly hiding something. Though at this point, I really just felt confused.

Subaru’s blatant ‘threat,’ however, seemed to be pulling away a lot of the scrutiny I’d normally be under otherwise. It also helped that I actually had a record of existing and previous experience in a job like this.

Rem had put a modicum of trust in me, and now I went and did something insane like this. She deserved better- even after what she presumably did to Subaru. I frowned lightly. I knew it was a complicated situation, and I certainly wasn’t making anything easier by keeping quiet.

“So . . . what now?” It was Subaru who broke the silence, and while I was tempted to allow Rem’s questing gaze to be left unanswered, I wasn’t- I couldn’t be that type of person.

I couldn’t be the type of person who just ignores problems. Holding it back any longer would only make things worse, and while I didn’t need to say everything, I needed to say something.

I slightly crouched down, taking a seat on the log next to me while also peeling my eyes away from the pair. The seat was slightly sticky from rapidly cooling blood causing me to cringe. Though after a breath, I turned back to them, at least during my momentary lapse, I scanned the area for the tiny murder psycho. 

Of which I didn’t find. Nonetheless, I began to speak.

“That thing I summoned. I wasn’t aware I could do that until now.” I paused, but once the words started to spill from my mouth, I couldn’t fully stop them. “I have a lot of odd abilities, and I’m not completely certain of what their source is.”

‘Though there is something I do know.’ I took in another breath; I did not say those previous words aloud. I wasn’t sure if I could keep going after that.

Did I really have the strength to say what would come next?

Could I really tell them that the closer I was with someone, the stronger my abilities became?

What would they think of me? Would they presume I only wanted to get close to them for power? Would they turn their backs on me in disgust at that very idea?

. . . Or did I need to tell them at all?

My fist clenched, and Rem silently stared at me. She knew that I knew something, and as she went to press me, Subaru cut her off. Putting a hand on my shoulder.

Her expression was serious, and I saw deep empathy lurking in her eyes. My heart softened slightly at her gaze.

“You don’t need to tell us anything you don’t want to, or that you can’t. I trust you.”

She thinks I’m like her. She thinks I’m burdened by this power despite the benefits. That I can’t speak of it, or terrible things will come to pass.

I wasn’t certain if she was correct or not.

I silently stared back, my mind recalling all the times I’d silently stared at others. Making up stories about them in my head rather than interacting with them in any meaningful way.

That action was taken in place of constantly reminding myself that I was all alone.

This was someone who trusted me. Who counted on me. Who, on some level I couldn’t explain, felt close to myself in a way I had never felt with anyone else before.

My mind drifted to a certain lonely knight, and I frowned as the thought ran through my head.

Adelheid’s stoicism and compassion were ever reliable. She was someone I put immense faith in, for her character and might.

Subaru wasn’t like that at all. She was brash, reckless, and nowhere near as impressive. But she reminded me of myself, and not in the self-demeaning way. She reminded me of that lonely kid who’d push forward, no matter how awful he felt.

She made me feel better about myself. 

My heart skipped a beat.

As she looked at me with those eyes filled with hope and care, I couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle.

Things had come full circle. When I was a boy, it was Subaru who’d shown me not to be an arrogant prick, and now that I’d arrived in this world and been there for her, she was once again here to comfort me.

It was my pride that pushed others away, but after that revelation, I’d never allowed myself to properly try again. 

I’d had plenty of acquaintances. People who valued my company in passing. Though no one I could truly call myself close to. I didn’t hate them, and they didn’t hate me. I didn’t love them, and they didn’t love me.

What we had was superficial. An in-between where the scale could only slightly tip in one direction or the other.

So I’d regaled myself to a silent watcher. Instead of my previous confidence, I’d recoiled into my shell on matters relating to the heart.

This world has forced me to adapt. Sure, I could easily make it in customer service; such a persona came easily. I easily could form shallow and one-sided friendships with those around me.

I couldn’t help but softly smile at the pun. 

Though inevitably with Adelheid, my pure shock at her existence forced that shallow aspect of my personality to take a backseat to curiosity.

Adelheid got the ball rolling, but Subaru was the one who really pushed it down the hill.

Despite her best efforts to act with false bravado at the beginning, she rapidly grew closer to me.

And I didn’t want to keep distance between us as I tended to do. 

For so many reasons, the distance between us shortened to the point where I could barely describe it, and I saw her as a friend. My first friend in a long time that I felt mutually about.

With the awakening of my Persona, it was as though a lock on my heart had become undone, and with Ozy- Ramses words still echoing fresh in my mind, I stood up.

‘Old habits sometimes need not be broken. Just redirected in a healthy way.’

What I felt for Subaru wasn’t just that of a friend. It was something more, and while I wasn’t sure just what it was just yet.

I knew it was important, and I knew I could trust her. My eyes wandered to Rem, and I couldn’t help but smile just a bit brighter.

Despite everything she’d put Subaru through, she was by no means a bad person. Though I didn’t trust her as much as I did my time looping friend, so for the time being, I’ll hold my tongue.

Secrets are meant to be spoken in hushed whispers with those of whom you trust deeply. Rem and I weren’t exactly on that level yet, and she had no reason to know everything just either.

Though if Subaru ever asked, I’d be willing to tell her everything she wished to know. Well, nothing about her curse, but that was mostly out of fear of the Satella Crash Out.

“Subaru.” She perked up slightly. I’d been silent and making weird facial expressions for a solid twenty seconds, and her hand still rested on my shoulder despite my movement. “Thank you.” She faintly blushed and peeled her hand away, awkwardly scratching the back of her head.

“You stayed silent for that long just to say that? I seriously thought we were going to get sneak attacked at some point.” 

The small rattle of a chain and Rem’s devilish smile were all the comfort I needed that she was on guard duty. 

“We should leave this place, we’ve been sitting around for long enough anyways. A conversation like this can always occur at a later date.”

Rem nodded at that. She at least understood that now wasn’t the time for this type of conversation, despite her interest in whatever I had just pulled off.

We were still potentially in danger, and this area wasn’t exactly clean. 

“The rest of the kids are back at the village, right?” My tone was casual, but I was already moving back in the direction of the village in the distance. We couldn’t waste time right now. People could still be in danger.

“Yes, I brought them before I regrouped with you two.” Her tone was soft, but her worry also grew ever so slightly as was made clear with how her hand tensed on her weapon. That was all the sign I needed that we should have left a while ago.

Damn, is it just me or is it getting hot in here?

. . .

We made our way back to the village with haste in our step, and luckily no damage seemed to be sustained. The wind from the run slightly helping to cool me off, but I could still feel the building heat inside my core.

Everyone was nervous, and the little girl with orange hair, Petra I believe, ran up to Subaru and asked her a question that instantly made all three of us freeze.

“Subaru, where’s Meili?” Her voice was sorrowful, and I could sense the betrayal in her tone. This wasn’t going to be easy to explain.

“Petra- I-” I put a hand on her shoulder to help steady her balance. She took a deep breath and then paused. She clearly didn’t know what to say, and honestly I didn’t either. How the hell do you tell a small child that one of their friends was a serial killer? 

Subaru leaned down and hugged Petra, who stood stock still. Tears started to leak from her eyes and I gritted my teeth in anger. 

Dammit all. Why did things have to turn out this way? Now that crazy kid was on the loose, a little girl was crying, probably thinking she was dead, and the threat could still be looming nearby ready to strike at any moment.

I stared at Subaru for a moment, and then Petra. 

“Subaru. She might be at risk if we don’t tell her what happened.” Subaru flinched, and looked conflicted, though Petra immediately perked up with tears in her eyes.

“What? Tell me what?” Her tone was desperate as though she was hoping for good news.

That wasn’t something we’d be able to provide. Subaru’s hug tightened on Petra, and then she whispered the truth in the small girl's ear causing her to freeze.

“Huh? T-that can’t be right?” She shuddered again, and the tears continued to flow. 

The rest of the night was like a blur, running back and forth making sure everyone was alright, begging Beatrice for help in a panic as my own tears clouded my vision from sheer stress. Sweat boiled along my skin, until I felt like I was going to collapse. My ears were ringing and my head pounded, the night only felt like it was getting hotter.

Like the desert sun was shining down on me and making me delirious. I couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t see straight, and I certainly couldn’t walk straight.

Until inevitably I collapsed, my body feeling like it was boiling alive from the pressure. 

The last thing I saw was Rem catching me by the scruff of my shirt before I fell face first onto her body.

“Staying conscious that long after the initial period of awakening your Persona? You’ve impressed me, though that does not give you grounds to ignore your own limits.”

AN: And we are back with another chapter, hope you all enjoyed it. This one took quite a while to cook up but I’m pretty happy with the result.

Feel free to leave any questions or comments down below as I love to read them all!

See you next time!