small update
Added 2020-01-28 17:49:28 +0000 UTCThank you all for sticking with me for so long, I'm battling the worst depressive episode I've ever had. I've had to try multiple medications over the period of a few months and so I'm sort of in the state of a emotionally unstable guinea pig right now.
My depression is so bad that I've become incapable of feeling anything. The most I can accomplish is getting dressed and staring into space, everything else is paralyzing and painful, including simple things like listening to music or watching a movie. Things I used to love only make me irrationally angry, incredibly sad and bored. I could die over how boring everything has become. Trying to find happiness in anything is like being mentally stabbed. I'm feeling increasingly imprisoned in a joke of an existence but I'm trying to have hope.
I'm working on getting well as soon as possible, I'm forcing myself to draw to see if it helps, but it's been a slow process. I really, truly appreciate your support and understand if you are mad at me. Hopefully as the weather changes I'll be able to get back on my feet again.
Comments
maybe it has being so much time since that post, but you have all my support :c is thanks to you i am an artist right now, i want to be like you some day, i love you, and everyone else also do, be strong please :c
DevilishRR
2020-07-12 01:31:41 +0000 UTCI might be a bit late on this but still, please don't think anyone here is upset or would hate you for struggling. We are here because we love what you have created and want to support you. We just hope for you to get well and (when you are better) some more of your beautiful and amzing art. Sending some love your way <3 <3 <3
Caro Schulz
2020-03-20 10:39:21 +0000 UTCI have been there...kinda am there myself... we here love you and hope you take care of yourself, dont feel pressure from us to do anything but care for yourself. You matter, first and foremost. 🖤
Ciera Forsythe
2020-03-14 18:06:37 +0000 UTCI also just became a patron, because I really want to support you on your journey of life especially when it is hard!
Rosanne Dodde
2020-02-19 21:05:30 +0000 UTCtake all the time you need and get better don't rush noone is mad at you and if they are they're just impatiant jerks and please know that you comic gives me something to look forward to and has done since 2015 so I'm not bothered if it takes more time your health is more important and you have my love and support.
James Barker
2020-02-15 01:05:28 +0000 UTCIm a bit late, but I just became a patron because I felt like I needed to show my support in a more effective way even though it’s really small. If this means anything, know that your comic is truly something that reminds me that life is full of beautiful things worth living for, and as a tired college student, I understand what its like to be stuck knowing you have things to do. Don’t push yourself too hard and know that we care more about the person behind the comic than the comic itself <3
Sirama Sagenav
2020-02-14 00:29:00 +0000 UTCTake your time to get well and take care of yourself love <3 We'll still be here.
Poppy
2020-02-03 02:41:28 +0000 UTCI had to go to intensive therapy over the winter because my anxiety and depression spiked so badly in 2019 and it's been a struggle to get back into art and just my everyday life... I know where you're coming from. And I believe we can both get through this.
Aepokk
2020-02-02 05:36:56 +0000 UTCNo need to apologize. Depression is just a fact of life - one that's very familiar to me personally. Proud to support you through tough times. Never give up on yourself!
Erin
2020-02-01 23:32:24 +0000 UTCI am new into this fandom. I read it when it first came out and at that time I didnt truely understand where this comic was going to be. I'm truely happy I've picked this up again. As an aspiring artist I look up to your art and emotions. I never felt so related to something so awful. I truely hope you can fight through this. Not for the comic, not for your art, but for you. I wish you the best, as I support you any way I can. Thank you so much for sharing.
lil' Fox kid
2020-01-31 02:42:11 +0000 UTCNo need to apologize and I hope you get better. Your storytelling is great, and your art is great too, especially your ability to convey so much through body posture and expressions in the eyes. I hope joy and happiness come back into your life. :)
Camille
2020-01-30 08:44:09 +0000 UTCyou've shared yourself with us through your art and your posts, and - we love you, and it doesn't matter how you feel or act or what you do or don't do. If your brain tries to tell you otherwise, don't believe it! Brains are very tricky. Do you have people around you who can physically check on you, help you make and keep appointments, advocate for you, shop, wash the dishes? Make sure those people know what you're going through, then accept whatever help they offer! This is too important to let shyness or embarrassment stop you, if there's somebody you've been kind of keeping out of the loop - fill them in now! Call them, text them, wake them up! If any of us lived near you, we would bring you coffee or tea, or fish tacos, or whatever might help, every day. Seriously, I swear any of us would. You're just that kind of person. Keep it in mind.
Spike McLarty
2020-01-30 03:45:32 +0000 UTCI understand how you feel, and genuinely, no apology is needed. You've made so much beautiful work that's inspired me that it would be incredibly selfish of me to want you to just keep forcing yourself to work and post before you feel able to. Depression is a horrible thing to have to deal with. I've dealt with similar feelings, though never as bad, and my mother dealt with a similar episode a couple years ago. You'll get through this, I promise. I know you'll feel okay again, I just hope it's soon. And when you're through we'll all still be here waiting for you. In the mean time please try to stay safe. We love you Michelle.
Cassandra Melton-Houghton
2020-01-30 01:07:01 +0000 UTCSending good feelings your way. Your art has helped me through some tough times myself, so just know that we're all rooting for you, and that you're enough just the way you are.
Danny Atramentum
2020-01-29 17:49:37 +0000 UTCOh and apparently enter isn't for a new paragraph, it's for posting the comment! I was going to also say, sending positive vibes your way x
Alyx
2020-01-29 16:43:03 +0000 UTCOne thing I have to tell myself when I'm going through something like this is, "time is your friend" because it's very easy to feel like you're going to feel this way forever, but you won't. And for me, personally (though I deal with anxiety moreso than depression), I have some small activities to focus my brain and make me feel like I have some small control over my life, like re-organising my things, or giving my place an extra clean. Something proactive. Also walking is a great way to clear your mind and get re-energised, assuming you have a safe place to go walking. Little things like that go a long way in feeling better. Just some thoughts.
Alyx
2020-01-29 16:40:23 +0000 UTCHope you get better soon, take all the time you need to collect yourself and find peace and Hapiness. If need you need to talk, we got ya.
William Sealey
2020-01-29 16:32:15 +0000 UTCI'm sorry that you go through this! The main thing to remember is that this condition cannot last forever and sooner or later you will feel better. You are an incredibly strong person and you can go through this stage. I hope you get the right treatment and you feel better. Take your time with work and take care of yourself. We all support and love you!❤️
Nava
2020-01-29 14:56:35 +0000 UTClike a lot of people, I've been been through this and all I can do is to wish you well. I'll be waiting for you
lucbrug
2020-01-29 11:25:40 +0000 UTCWe're not mad at you! We love you! Take care of yourself!
Lady of Monsters
2020-01-29 10:19:30 +0000 UTCAnhedonia is one of the worst symptoms honestly.
Rainsets
2020-01-29 06:12:28 +0000 UTCI have also been threw this. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and have been on meds nearly 2 years now. I too am struggling with the medication working but I push threw and make myself do things, like hanging with my friends or playing sport. I know it's draining and excruciating but I believe in you. Your art was one of the only things I could always come to and actually feel happy. Thank you Michelle, for what you done for me. I know for certain that we, the people around you and the people who love you will support you threw anything.
LateHogan
2020-01-29 02:02:12 +0000 UTCI believe in you, Michelle. I'm wishing you the best with all my might, in hopes that you regain some of the enjoyment and happiness you deserve in life, back. I've been between medications before and it's horrible that you have to go through it, but i believe in guinea pig Michelle's ability to make it through. Put yourself before anything else, and work towards getting your strength back. Do your best, and get some rest too. You're worth waiting for.
Shae
2020-01-28 23:37:06 +0000 UTCdo what you gotta do. It's a fight worth fighting.
Scott Bell
2020-01-28 22:13:38 +0000 UTCTake all the time you need! I hope you will get better soon :) <3
Ofer Horowitz
2020-01-28 20:52:48 +0000 UTCYoure art is wonderful and the story with its small video elements too, its one of the few comics were i need to keep the whole story in my mind, because the characters have their own story that makes them who they are.
Sebastian
2020-01-28 20:22:02 +0000 UTCIt is a huge step to admit to others how you are feeling. I am so proud of you for getting help and trying to get yourself feeling better. I know how hard it is and you are already making progress so be a little proud. Don’t push yourself to hard. We all love you and want you to take care of yourself. Put yourself first :) we will wait as long as it takes for you to get back to yourself.
Laura Thompson
2020-01-28 19:47:38 +0000 UTCI've been there I know it's not easy. It won't last forever I can assure you that. Keep trying different things and watching different things you might find smt that feels a little bit more real even if the things you usually love aren't reaching you
Megan Lane MacDonald
2020-01-28 19:02:30 +0000 UTCOh michelle, we could never be mad at you for suffering depression and having difficulty functioning because of it. I know exactly how you feel, the numbness, the irritability, everything. It's so hard and painful to pull out from, it feels endless, but i know you're strong. I know that it feels impossible sometimes but i also know that you've survived a lot of shit over the years, and i know you can survive this. Take all the time you need to recover, take care of yourself, and don't push yourself too hard. We all just want you to be okay first and foremost, so take all the time you need to feel better, okay?
princesslanternfish
2020-01-28 18:53:42 +0000 UTCWe’re all here to support you, take as much time as you need. I’ve had some pretty bad depressive episodes before, something that helped me was building a routine, even if it just involved taking over dog-walking duties and playing with my cat every few hours. Everyone’s different, so I’m not saying that my methods are universal, but feel free to try some things out. Another thing that helped me was playing relaxing games like Stardew Valley or building houses in the sims 4. Although I do tend to play Stardew Valley for way too long of periods at a time
LonelySheepling
2020-01-28 18:51:17 +0000 UTCOof, I've been there with the whole testing-depression-meds thing. It can sure make you feel exhausted as each one tries to kick in and then doesnt work. I'm so sorry to hear you're going through that. I hope you feel better soon!
Megan Beaudoin
2020-01-28 18:50:16 +0000 UTCTake care of yourself first, all things after that. I know how hollow it can feel when you're at your lowest, but things do get better. I go for walks when nothing else helps. Even if I'm just walking in a stupor and it's cold, at least I'm moving.
Reed R Gale
2020-01-28 18:35:54 +0000 UTCThis winter took a toll on me as well. I'm excited for the comic to come back when you're ready. Thanks for the update, I know sharing your feelings like this can be very challenging.
Scrub Jay
2020-01-28 18:32:07 +0000 UTCSending lots of love and encouragement to keep on fighting through! Know that every step forward, no matter how frustratingly small it may seem, is still worth celebrating. I sincerely hope that the apathy will fade, and that joy makes it way back into each and every day of your future. Wishing you all the best, and that these dark times lead the way to a much brighter dawn <3
Catherine
2020-01-28 18:31:12 +0000 UTCIt looks like my comment somehow didn't go through, so sorry if I post this twice. I've struggled with depression myself, and it's totally garbage that you have to go through that. There's all kinds of things I want to say, but if you look up the "Depression Part 2" post from Hyperbole and a Half (from back in 2013), it says it much better. Draw if it helps you, but don't feel any pressure from us to move faster than you're ready. We just want you to be healthy.
Melody S
2020-01-28 18:30:37 +0000 UTCTake the time that you need, we're not going anywhere. ❤️
Quinn
2020-01-28 18:30:14 +0000 UTCi've had to live with severe depression myself as well, so you have my sympathies for whatever that's worth. i know it's hard to believe, but what actually solved such depressive episodes for me was... well, electroshock therapy. you know, the weird wires on head and hundreds of volts kind of thingy. maybe look into that if nothing else works, it feels like a big reset switch for the brain in my experience.
Samson
2020-01-28 18:23:54 +0000 UTCI know there's no "advice" we can give - nothing we say - that can miraculously break through your problems. But there are a ton of people here who all want the best for you. Please take care of yourself, because you ARE worth it - don't let some neurochemistry tell you otherwise.
Demonac
2020-01-28 18:21:14 +0000 UTCWe're not mad we will wait for you to fill better what's more important is to get better, I know you will ❤️
Anaïs Peignier
2020-01-28 18:19:36 +0000 UTCPlease take all the time you need to take care of yourself! As someone going thru a similar situation, I'm with you on the frustration and detachment as we wait for the season to change, and remember that it will change. My love and support to you as you wrestle this beast. ❤❤❤
Hannah
2020-01-28 18:15:07 +0000 UTCNobody's mad at you Michelle, we all love and support you and wish you the best through these trying times 💕 I'll continue to support you any way I can 💕💕
Ewin
2020-01-28 18:07:19 +0000 UTCI understand. I've battled between the urge to disconnect from everything. Take as long as you need and care of yourself.
shadowscribble
2020-01-28 18:06:50 +0000 UTC<3 I'm very sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I've dealt with medication changes before and I know how much it can mess with you. Take your time feeling better and try not to put extra pressure on yourself because of Patreon. Just focus on getting better, even if it's a super slow process, it's personal and you will get there in time. Thank you so much for sharing your art with us - we'll be here and excited to see it again whenever you're ready.
pandorasflight
2020-01-28 17:58:57 +0000 UTCoh Michelle... I understand how awful depression can be. The times where you struggle to find joy in anything are the worst. I would never be upset with you for needing a break because of it, and I'm sure many others feel the same. You are an amazing artist, but most of all an amazing person and I appreciate you and your work so much! I hope you can find some meds that will help soon, or that your meds will kick in and things will improve. You are the best Michelle!!! <3 <3 <3
Birbycakes
2020-01-28 17:58:25 +0000 UTCMichelle we could never be mad at you!! I've been there and that shit is the absolute WORST, but i'm so glad you're getting some treatment and doing your best to fight it!! We're so proud of you, know that your fans understand and are empathetic. The comic doesn't matter nearly as much as your health! We want it to be something that brings you joy and purpose not pressure and pain. Take all the time you need to get yourself where you want to be, we'll be here for you supporting you all the way! I really truly hope you feel better soon. <3 Know that you are loved and that people are here for you if you EVER need to reach out, I know I at least am always ready to lend an understanding ear. Much love to you Michelle!!
Molly Berger
2020-01-28 17:57:16 +0000 UTCyour mental health is most important !!!;0; Hope you will feel much better soon! Rays of love and support~~<3<3
FoCh Flos
2020-01-28 17:56:50 +0000 UTCWe support you! Hope you feel better soon.
Eden Predawn
2020-01-28 17:54:25 +0000 UTCTake your time friend! Life is hard and your mental health is important. Love you and support you all the way through! <3
Arsha
2020-01-28 17:54:09 +0000 UTCI feel you, and while I can't offer direct advice because everyone's depression is different, I can say that as someone who is also in a similar bout of it that you are not alone and that no matter how bad things may seem now, there will be a time in the future where you forget how awful this was. Stay strong.
Bolexle
2020-01-28 17:53:19 +0000 UTCDepression is such a hard fight. Thanks so much for sharing ❤️❤️❤️ Take all the time you need to feel better!
Bree Thorsini
2020-01-28 17:53:18 +0000 UTCSo glad to hear from you! Take all the time you need and I hope you feel better ❤️ Sending love!
kole
2020-01-28 17:51:00 +0000 UTC
