GUISE Files - Skitter, Criminal Act 01.2002.005, “Praying Man, ‘Tis”

Crime Type

Political Bribery, Threats of Violence, Assault

Participants

GUISE Affiliates

• T. Hebert, “Skitter” (GUISE Villain, Perpetrator)
  • Unnamed Giant Mantis (Skitter, Minion)
  • Assorted insects (Skitter, Controlled)
• Xander X. Xavier Largo, “Professor XXXL” (GUISE Supervillain, Supplier)
• E. Jenkins, “Edna Jucation” (GUISE Minion, Incidental Passerby)

Victims

• Dominic Golt (Mayor of Adultville, Primary Target)
  • Mitch (Mayor’s Pet Frog)
• Assorted City Hall Clerks and Secretaries (Employees of City Hall, Collateral)

Heroes

• Adultsville Police Dept. (Officers and SWAT, First Responders)
• Big Hairy Joe’s Pest Control (Exterminator, Assisting Police)
• C. Lincoln, “Numbuh 11” (KND Operative, Incidental Passerby)

File Status

Under Review

View File Y/N?

Y

Accessing…

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“Hello, you’ve reached the help desk of the Guild of United International Supervillains and Evildoers. My name is J̸̙̏e̷̪̍ñ̶̥n̴͍̅í̴͍f̸͈̍e̵̘̎r̵̨̉ and I’ll be your criminal assistant today. May I interest you in our lair-care services? First inspection is free and comes with free decorative skulls on pikes!”

“No thank you.”

“How may I help you today?”

“I’m filing to schedule a… villainous scheme,” the caller said, sounding pained.

“Oh good, can you give your name, chapter, and the nature of your plot?” J̸̙̏e̷̪̍ñ̶̥n̴͍̅í̴͍f̸͈̍e̵̘̎r̵̨̉ asked, bringing up the relevant program at her computer.

“I am Skitter, from the Adultville chapter.”

J̸̙̏e̷̪̍ñ̶̥n̴͍̅í̴͍f̸͈̍e̵̘̎r̵̨̉ made a face, preparing for the inevitable scheme revolving around making children miserable. “And your plot?”

“I plan to threaten the mayor over a number of policies and edicts I’m unhappy with to see if I can’t convince him to change some things,” Skitter said blandly.

The assistant blinked, not having expected something so… normal. “Okay, great! I--This is the mayor of Adultville you’re attacking?”

“That’s correct.”

“One moment.” The assistant put the phone on hold and opened the GUISE organization calendar, both the official one and the unofficial one. The month of May was typically quiet in Adultville, as most of the true child-haters felt that the stress of final exams and tests were enough to sate their mad craving for the suffering of kids. It was only towards the end of the month that activity picked up again as focus shifted towards ruining summer for the children.

Honestly, J̸̙̏e̷̪̍ñ̶̥n̴͍̅í̴͍f̸͈̍e̵̘̎r̵̨̉ didn’t get the appeal. The suffering of children tasted bland and overpowering, while adults were capable of some much more complex and nuanced flavors. J̸̙̏e̷̪̍ñ̶̥n̴͍̅í̴͍f̸͈̍e̵̘̎r̵̨̉’s favorite was the looming dread of unpaid bills backed by the hopelessness of being trapped in minimum wage. Children’s concerns were typically too simple to be interesting and too extreme to be savored.

At any rate, it was unusual to get a more conventional crime from that chapter.

The other calendar listed a date in the second week of May, which happily seemed to be in the Adultville area.

J̸̙̏e̷̪̍ñ̶̥n̴͍̅í̴͍f̸͈̍e̵̘̎r̵̨̉ picked the phone back up and continued the call. “Alright, did you have a date in mind? Because we have a slot open on the eighth that would line up perfectly!”

“The eighth is fine,” Skitter said, and the assistant could see her shrugging in her mind’s eye.

Still, the lack of child abuse from Adultville bugged her, and she felt the need to ask a question. “Out of curiosity, Ms. Skitter, is there a particular reason that you went through the main help desk rather than your chapter’s hotline?”

“I tried, but the girl on the phone seemed confused and kept asking how attacking the mayor results in more sad kids. She seemed to come to the conclusion that I was using him as a means to get to his kids, and after that--”

She supposed that added up. “I understand now, ma’am. If you can give me her name I can see about sending her to remedial training.”

“She called herself Carol.” Skitter cleared her throat, sending a burst of static through the line.

The assistant jotted down the name and smiled happily. “Alright then! We’ll forward you the relevant paperwork soon. You don’t have an email listed, would you like to give it now and receive it online?”

Skitter agreed, rattling off her email address which J̸̙̏e̷̪̍ñ̶̥n̴͍̅í̴͍f̸͈̍e̵̘̎r̵̨̉ dutifully copied down. They bid their goodbyes, and the assistant hung up. Then she reached one tentacle out and retrieved the yellow phone from behind the portrait behind her.

The yellow phone had only one button on it, and this J̸̙̏e̷̪̍ñ̶̥n̴͍̅í̴͍f̸͈̍e̵̘̎r̵̨̉ pressed. After several patient minutes, lasting long enough that J̸̙̏e̷̪̍ñ̶̥n̴͍̅í̴͍f̸͈̍e̵̘̎r̵̨̉ felt all her eyes unfocus, the other end finally picked up.

“Jennifer.”

“Good morning Mr. Chairman. That time slot for the Adultville chapter you wanted has been filled. The mayor is going to be attacked by…” J̸̙̏e̷̪̍ñ̶̥n̴͍̅í̴͍f̸͈̍e̵̘̎r̵̨̉ checked the employee profile on Skitter. “...a swarm of bugs.”

“Excellent. That should be an adequate distraction. Thank you for informing me.”

The phone clicked, and the assistant shuddered, sending ripples along her mass. Speaking with the Chairman always freaked her out.

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Adultville City Hall, May 5th

Taylor leaned against one of the brick columns that framed the stairs leading up to city hall, looking at a book. Every ten to twenty seconds, she would flip the page and look at the next one instead. What she was doing couldn’t be called reading, because her attention was elsewhere.

People really tended to underestimate just how many bugs there were in the average building. Or even how many bugs there were, period. While it wasn’t quite true that a given person was never more than ten feet from a spider, it wasn’t far off, and city hall was no exception. It was an older building, full of nooks and crannies that most likely no human had looked at in decades, and that made it prime real estate for all manner of creepy crawlies. There was a basement that wasn’t used anymore, an attic space, at least two rooms she’d found so far that has been walled off at some point, and as of now she had a collection of roaches, centipedes, spiders, and pillbugs in every wall in the building, providing her with a neat little 3D mental map.

Taylor was fairly certain that she was expected to make a spectacle of this, which went against her instincts. Skitter probably didn’t need to map out city hall before the plot went through, but it made her feel better to know where everything was ahead of time.

She’d been doing this for a couple days now, and Taylor had a pretty good read on the employees. The front secretary was new, no one expected her to last long because the last three had quit after a month, and she was determined to prove them wrong. While Taylor had been watching, she’d had to deal with three complaints in a row regarding something ridiculous. One had said that celery had come out of their kitchen faucet, while another was angry about a ten-foot deep pothole and had needed the concept of a manhole explained to him; apparently the man hadn’t known that those metal circles in the road came off, or had anything underneath, and Taylor despaired for her daughter’s education if this was what the adults in this town were like. At any rate, the secretary had impressed her by not letting her smile waver once, maintaining an expert customer service voice as impenetrable as steel. Taylor hoped she did well.

There was only one security guard, a police officer who Taylor had gathered was stationed at city hall mostly because he wasn’t willing to retire and he was too old and fat to do much else. He spent most of his time asleep, so Taylor wasn’t worried about him.

…Except that she wanted him to call backup when she acted, because the entire point was to be big and loud so that there was no doubt that an attack had happened. Ugh.

Taylor drew her attention back for a moment to actually read her book for a bit. She made a show of frowning and shaking her head before jumping back several pages, looking for all the world like someone who had just realized they hadn’t processed a single word in half an hour.

She needn’t have bothered, really. There were only a few dog walkers and joggers around and no one was paying attention to her. Still, it was good practice for when she ended up somewhere with more alert citizens.

Her back was starting to ache from leaning against the brick column for so long, so Taylor moved to sit down on the steps instead. She could really do with a bench right now.

Shifting her focus now to surrounding buildings, Taylor noted the points of interest. Directly opposite city hall was a large park, where a couple of kids were playing frisbee right that moment. A little further out there was a small fishing pond that an old man had fallen asleep by, and Taylor watched, bemused, as his unattended rod suddenly hooked something and went flying into the water. The park was large enough to brush against the edge of her range, but she could just barely sense the weevils and moths inside the basement of a small public museum. That was interesting, she’d have to see if it had any worthwhile exhibits. If there was something about animals, she’d consider taking Holly.

There was also a bank three blocks down on the same road as city hall, and in the opposite direction, again on the very edge of her range was some restaurant or other. What kind she couldn’t tell because it was surprisingly bug-free. Only a few flies over the dumpster around back and some ants living in the parking lot. Interesting. If it took cleanliness that seriously, maybe the food was good?

“Yes. Yes, of course, I hate those kids as much as you do.”

Taylor pulled her attention back to the target building and focused on the mayor’s office. The man was on the phone with someone, evidently one of those child-hating villains.

He reclined in his chair, an easy smile on his face. “Don’t even worry about it, Horace--can I call you Horace? No? Okay, Mr. Boss, sorry,” he said, smile turning nervous. He fidgeted for a moment before relaxing again. “Oh, you’re donating how much money to my reelection campaign? Why thank you, Mr. Boss, your contribution is appreciated. Yes, yes, the document for the curfew laws is on my desk, for completely unrelated reasons. Good, glad we can do business.”

Taylor’s lip curled in disgust as the mayor hung up the phone. She expected as much, but that was blatant.

Mayor Dominik Golt was just about the most average looking man she’d ever seen. Handsome in a generic way, with a fairly convincing hair piece and a small gut that his suit hid well. He was a B-minus in human form, and the only notable thing about him was that he was, in fact, the mayor of a town with more villains than steering wheels.

That and the frog. He had a frog in a terrarium in his office. Well, it’s not like Taylor could really make fun of someone’s choice in pets, between the bees, the scorpion, and the spider.

I wonder if threatening the frog would be a valid tactic, she thought to herself. His office has an attached bathroom, and the window for it is out of view from the street. If I could have a stronger bug unlatch it, my mutants can open it from the outside and get in in a place he’d expect total safety. There’s a space the bugs can’t get into in the wall behind his desk. Likely a hidden safe of some sort, might be worth looking into if I get the chance.

Taylor groaned, shifting to try and get a more comfortable spot. She wasn’t out of shape by any means, but she was in her thirties and the concrete steps weren’t doing her any favors. Maybe that should be one of my demands. More benches in public spaces.

Okay, so. A stairwell there, an elevator shaft there--wow, she only just noticed this building didn’t have any handicap access at all. No ramps anywhere. She was actually surprised by that, weren’t there laws regarding that sort of thing?

Old building, right. Well, that was no excuse. By the time she was done with her operation, they might feel safer burning it down, so maybe next time they can rebuild it better. Ooh, and Taylor could recommend her dad’s men to handle the construction, that would be a good late Father’s Day gift.

It was getting late, so Taylor closed her book and made a show of looking at her watch. She was pretty sure she had all she needed for the show, no sense sticking around--

“Taylor, is that you?!”

Snapping to attention, Taylor was instantly on high alert, scanning the street for who could have called out.

“Behind you, Taylor,” said the voice from behind her.

Taylor spun around, cursing herself for getting caught off guard yet again, but then she saw who it actually was. She relaxed. “Oh Edna. Long time no see, I didn’t recognize you out of costume.” Which was a bold-faced lie, considering Edna’s “costume” consisted of her normal outfit plus a short cape and a simple mask, but Taylor wasn’t going to admit to being snuck up on by Edna of all people. “I like what you’ve done with your hair.”

She preened. “It’s good isn’t it? I think it gives me a real disciplinarian look, don’t you?” Edna chuckled. “But more importantly, Taylor! Why didn’t you tell me you were back in town?”

“I’ve been trying to stay under the radar, for all the good that did me,” Taylor groused. “I’m actually getting ready for a job right now,” she said with a lower voice.

They started walking down the steps and crossed the road into the park, and Edna brightened. “Oh, a job, huh?” Edna asked, tapping her nose. “Fun! What are you doing, I remember you were more interested in classic crime than the normal plots.” Taylor opened her mouth to answer, but Edna kept talking. “I’ve been doing a little of the classic stuff myself, I was never that interested in harassing kids in the first place, and being a substitute gives limited opportunities for that anyway, since I have to stick to the normal teacher’s lesson plans usually. It’s hard to give excessive homework on short notice, and honestly it’s not usually worth the effort even when I have warning ahead of time.”

Taylor held up her hand, trying to get a word in edgewise.  Edna Jucation was a person who lived by the rules. The idea of her robbing someone was bizarre; the mind rebelled against the idea.“Wait, hold on, you’re doi--”

“Oh, you’re still using that old arm, eh?” Edna said teasingly. “I must say, I always thought the two of you were good for each--uh, that’s an interesting expression,” she noted, flinching from Taylor’s glower.

“Ben and I didn’t part on good terms, Edna,” Taylor said flatly. “I’d thank you not to bring it up.”

“But you two were so cute togeth--”

“I’d thank you not to bring it up,” she repeated. A wasps nest in a tree nearby all buzzed their wings warningly.

“Gotcha. I’m sorry things didn’t work out.” Edna took the hint. “Anyway, I was just visiting city hall training a group of new substitutes. Pah,” she spat. “Part-timers, all of them. I can just tell none of them will last a month.”

“Shouldn’t that be at the Board of Education building across town?”

“It should,” she agreed, “But Xander released some pig monster or other in the building to attack the PTA, and incidentally there’s going to be a pork barbeque in a few days if you're interested?”

Taylor shook her head. “I’ll be busy attacking the mayor,” she said, confident no one was nearby to hear.

“Oh good, I hate that man. Sometimes I get the feeling he doesn’t respect teachers, let alone subs!”

Taylor could believe it. Some things were universal, and that included teachers getting no respect from politicians. “...Something you just said, part-timers. Are you telling me you are a sub full-time? How does that work?”

“I’m always on call, Taylor. I don’t always have a class to teach,” she admitted, sounding annoyed at the confession, “But, well, there’s a reason I started doing your kind of crime too.”

“About that… I, uh, wouldn’t have thought that bank robbery or burglary would fit into your theme,” Taylor said.

“Oh, no, it doesn’t! I’m smuggling school supplies for teachers,” Edna said happily. “The school never gives them enough money to pay for supplies, so the teachers pool what money they can spare and I use it to get cheap supplies somewhere for everyone to draw from and take the leftover cash for myself. It’s not much, but it’s dishonest work.”

Taylor blinked. “Edna,” I don’t think that’s technically illegal, she didn’t say, because frankly Taylor didn’t really have it in her to encourage her to commit real crime. What she said instead was, “That’s enough to get the Guild off your back?”

“Hmm? Oh, no, I fill my quota by getting into a big police chase every couple months,” she chirped. “See, that’s my car over there!”

Edna pointed out a battered silver station wagon parked on the curb. They drew close and Edna clicked her keyfob. The car beeped to indicate its doors were unlocked, and then the passenger side door fell off. There was a yield sign embedded in the back bumper.

“I cause a bit of minor property damage, waste police resources, make a public disturbance, and they haven’t caught me yet!” Edna seemed proud of her accomplishment. “Hey, do you need a ride home?”

Edna climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine. One of her tail lights, already exposed to the elements, emitted a shower of sparks as it spontaneously burned out.

“...Thank you,” Taylor said carefully, “But I don’t mind walking. It’s good exercise and I--”

“Nonsense!” Edna insisted. “I know, the car looks bad, but I’ve already done my chase this month, I promise I’ll drive safely.”

“I really don’t--”

“Come on, my husband made a mixtape for me, and there’s a few songs I think you’ll like.”

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Taylor did not end up talking her way out of a ride home, and Edna’s idea of driving safely left much to be desired. At least the passenger door didn’t fall off again until they got to her house. God, she’d forgotten how much that woman could talk. Taylor waved as she drove off and turned to head inside.

The sight of the enormous truck crammed onto her driveway didn’t help her headache, though the attached trailer did make her feel a little better. She could already sense some very strange things in her living room.

“Taylor, my dear!” Xander shouted as she entered. “I was just about to call you!”

Taylor had already been able to feel it in her mind, but now she saw it with her eyes. In her living room stood a praying mantis that was tall enough its antennae brushed against the ceiling. In fact, it was actually leaning forward slightly, supporting itself on its tarsi.

Well, on one tarsus, anyway. The other arm was being held and inspected by Holly.

“I thought you’d be with your friends, honey.”

“Mhm,” she said distractedly. She held up the mantis’s limb with a critical eye, judging the serrated edges of its arm. “I always kind of thought these were sharper…”

“Relative to their size, they might be on a smaller specimen!” Xander agreed. “But while popular media likes to interpret a mantis’s forelimbs as blades they are actually used for gripping rather than puncturing.” He smirked. “Normally, anyway. This one has tricks.”

The mantis seemed disinclined to do anything on its own, so Taylor seized direct control of it. Finding no resistance, she had it gently pull its arm out of Holly’s grip, and sent a sort of vague mental command, not really sure what the mechanism involved was. The tarsus folded back inside of its arm, and then so too did the gripping spines lining its limb, laying flat against its carapace. Then something that could be called a muscle flexed inside, and the plates of its tibia split just enough for a thin, sharp plate of bone to protrude, looking very much like a scythe in truth rather than just on looks.

“Interesting…” Taylor murmured. She walked a circle around the docile bug, inspecting every angle. It couldn’t be called anthropomorphic in any respect, but it definitely seemed less bug-shaped than a mantis typically was. They weren’t bugs that she typically called upon, being more suited to hunting other insects than attacking people, but she still knew a fair bit about them. Holly had her watch all kinds of documentaries on insects, and mantises were a common subject.

This one stood on four legs like normal, but the legs were nearly as thick and sturdy as the forelimbs to compensate for its size, as opposed to the spindly legs it would normally have. Its abdomen was less than half the size it should have been, and as a consequence, it didn’t seem to have wings of any description.

“What’s his name?” Holly asked. She had climbed up onto its shoulders and was waving a hand in front of its eyes. It took several seconds for its eyes to start following the motion, almost in slow motion.

“It doesn’t have one, Holly,” Taylor said firmly. “It’s not intelligent--” she began, looking to XXXL for confirmation. At his nod, she continued, “--so it’s more like a machine than anything else.”

Holly frowned. “What about the spiders?”

“Spiders? Oh, I can feel them now.”

“Yes, it was strange,” the Professor said. “The two of them made for the basement the second Holly let us in. She says they’re mingling with the others down there, which…” He looked equal parts disgruntled and fascinated. “I hadn’t meant for them to be like that. I would have been prepared to say they weren’t, but all it took was Holly rubbing them on the head like dogs and they were off.” He shook his head and pulled a stack of papers out of his coat pocket. “Right, so I intended to make you two mantises, but the female expired early on; she was growing too big too fast and she couldn’t shed her skin fast enough. Crushed by her own shell. I know what I did wrong, so if you ever need another heavy hitter I can make one fairly easily.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever need one bigger than this,” Taylor said. “This guy is already barely--how’d you get it in the house?”

“Oh, watch this.” Xander clapped his hands and whistled a short sequence of notes. The mantis stirred, the first time it had moved on its own, and crouched, folding itself up until it was half as tall as Taylor and about as wide. It scuttled back and forth on its legs like a crab, then unfolded back to its original stance.

“Huh. Neat.”

“Yes, I thought that if you were incapacited, it might be prudent to have a few commands so others can lead it away if needed.” He pulled a stack of papers out of his coat pocket. “Here’s the list, and for the spiders and the beetle too.”

She took the packet and flipped through it. “I didn't see a beetle,” Taylor said. She blinked at a particular item on the list. Why would anyone need to ask it to steal a hot dog? Or iron a shirt…

“Oh, yes. It’s too big. You’ll have to come by my lab to take it wherever it is you’ll be keeping it.” Xander scratched at his cheek. “It’s really big. I know you don’t like the idea but you may want to invest in a proper lair to keep it in. I know a guy who can dig out a big cavern for you, and I can install the hidden aircraft doors myself--”

“I’ll think about it,” Taylor said. She was exploring the mantis’s anatomy with her power. It was much more complex under the surface than its outsides would suggest, though she should have expected that with the hidden blades. “Goodness, what am I going to do with this thing…”

“I’ll be sure to make the next ones a little smaller,” Xander promised. “Unfortunately, that wingpack I promised is proving tricky.” He scowled. “I don’t understand it, but it’s like there’s a, a dead zone between normal bug size and giant where it just doesn’t want to work. The dragonfly wants to be either small enough that it could only pick up a housecat or huge enough to ferry a car. Trying to make it backpack-sized is giving me such problems.”

“What if you made it start small but then grow bigger over time?” Holly asked. “I mean, wouldn’t it have to do that anyway?” She went back to trying to get a reaction out of the giant bug, to no avail.

Xander raised a finger to speak--then lowered it thoughtfully. “No, that wouldn’t work, but, if I let it try to grow to car size but then artificially arrest its growth halfway through… yes, that could…”

He broke off into murmuring as he pulled out a notepad and started scribbling ideas, and Taylor took the opportunity to break away and head downstairs.

The spiders were, indeed, in the basement. They didn’t resemble any particular species, though if pressed she’d guess jumping spider. They were black with gold bands around their joints, which she appreciated, and all 16 eyes trained on her the instant she came into sight. The much smaller arachnids she kept down here were crawling all over them, and if she were anyone else the sight might have been nightmare-inducing.

They didn’t seem likely to move anytime soon, so she went back upstairs. “They look great, professor.”

“Hmm?” He looked up from his work. “Oh! Yes, glad you think so!”

“Thank you for bringing them over, I’m going to need to get used to the big guy here before I use him in a couple days,” Taylor said.

Holly looked up from her continued attempts to harass the mantis. She’d found a spot of soft flesh at its elbow joint and was trying to tickle it. “What are you using him for again? You still haven’t said what you’re doing, Mom.”

Taylor thought about that, and decided to be honest. Not too honest, though. “Do you remember when Carl and Johnny had that teleporter accident and I had to keep the fly controlling Carl’s body from wandering off while he fixed the machine to turn them back to normal?”

Holly frowned in concentration. “...I think so?”

“It’s okay if you don’t, it was a couple years ago now. Anyway, at one point I ran into… a bad guy, who was trying to steal Carl’s work, and I used the fly-man to help me take him down,” Taylor explained. “I’m using this guy here to help do something like that.”

Holly blinked. “...So, you’re using giant bugs to take down a bad guy,” she summed up.

“Something like that.”

She squinted at her. “...Mom, are you some kind of--Are you trying to be a superhero?”

Any other child in the world who had come to that conclusion might have been excited, bouncing in place at the thought of their parent being a superpowered defender of justice. Holly however said it with such skepticism that Taylor couldn’t help but be offended by the doubt in her voice.

“What? I could be a hero if I wanted to be. I was one for a couple years when I was a teen,” Taylor said defensively.

Holly just raised an eyebrow at her. “No offense Mom, but you--” She cut off, looking uncertain.

“I what?”

“...You’re kind of too mean to be a superhero,” Holly said. She sounded apologetic about having to say it at least. “Like Nebby. She always nips at me when I come near her web.”

“Mean? I’m not mean, when am I ever mean? Xander, am I--what’s that look for?” Taylor demanded, glaring at him.

“Oh, nothing,” he said, looking away. The sheer size of his shoulders meant he couldn’t do a good job of hiding the fact that they were shaking.

“Whenever we run into jerks out in public you always have wasps sting them or ants bite them when you think I’m not looking,” Holly said plainly. At Taylor’s gobsmacked look, she clarified. “The bugs tell me lots of things.”

Taylor just gaped at her for a long moment, before squeezing her eyes shut and forcing herself not to be bothered by it. “Ugh. I don't know why I expected any different. I should have known secrets don’t survive in this family.”

“I don’t think you’re bad,” Holly added hurriedly. “You never get back at anyone who doesn’t deserve it, I think, but a superhero wouldn’t use their powers just to get back at jerks, I think.”

“Shows what you know…” Taylor said quietly. At her normal volume, she clapped her hands and said, “Right! Okay. Yes, I’m doing something that is a lot like being a superhero. Okay. Sure.”

Holly gave her suspicious look, and then finally shrugged. “Alright then. Good luck with that, Mom.” She went back to bothering the mantis.

Taylor let out a big breath and turned to face the professor. “Look, thanks for this, really. I’ll try and get you a few hundred dollars during the mission to pay you back, though I’m sure that’ll only be a fraction of what I owe,” she promised.

Xander snorted, waving the offer away. “Oh, puh-shaw, Taylor. I charged everything to the university as a research expense. It wasn’t even a lie since this project actually helped me a lot with my understanding of arthropod anatomy and how best to modify it.”

“I am going to pay you back,” Taylor said, more firmly this time.

“Alright, alright…”

Over Taylor’s shoulder, Xander observed as the mantis finally got fed up with Holly’s antics and pushed her away from it, though unfortunately for the poor thing Holly only seemed to take it as encouragement. XXXL quietly took note of the change in behavior.

“So, when is your ‘mission?’” he asked.

“Three days. Wish me luck, I’m a little out of practice.”

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Three Days Later

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Mayor Golt sat down at his desk with a happy sigh. “Ah, busy busy busy,” he said to himself. “Lunch with that Goodwall madwoman, a few new bills to figure out, then I gotta get out of here at four if I want to tee off on time.” He snickered to himself, looking over the request form in front of him. “Honestly, a zoo where the exhibits are children? Why would anyone want that? Am I right, Mitch?”

The frog croaked at him.

“You said it,” Golt said. “Still, her money’s as good as anyone else’s and once the paperwork goes through it’s on her if it all falls apart.” He signed the form and filed it away. “Now, let’s see… what next, what next…”

Honestly, there wasn’t much to do. He was only an elected official, it wasn’t like he actually did anything in the grand scheme of things, but he felt obligated to come into the office for at least a few hours every day; as long as he was here he might as well do something, right? Right.

There were the curfew laws Mr. Boss wanted him to adjust. Apparently he believed that if kids were forced to come home straight after school and stay there, he could make his employees work longer hours. Golt wasn’t sure he got the logic, but that hardly mattered. He was being given a hefty donation in order to make it happen, so who was he to argue?

The trouble with these is that, despite appearances, Adultville actually had slightly more adults who liked kids (or at least, liked their own kids) than it had adults who hated them. He had no issue passing laws to make kids miserable, but the trick, the real trick was to couch it in terms that wouldn’t alienate half of voters. For every three voters who approved, there were four who didn’t, so he had to dress these laws up so they looked like it was for the kids' benefit.

Limiting the hours the arcades could be open? Well, video games are violent and cause criminal behavior, everyone knows that. Enforcing adult swim such that kids are lucky to get more than a few minutes in the public pool? There’s only so many lifeguards, best to keep them safe in the kiddie poole. Curfew laws stating anyone under 13 has to be home by five? Well, it’s a darn shame, but that’s the world we live in these days; it’s not like it used to be, where you could leave your doors unlocked and let kids roam free, there’s danger lurking around every corner, and incidentally if you folks could vote to approve this expanded budget for the police, that would be great, I’m doing my job as mayor to protect you all, vote for Golt!

Mitch croaked again, deep enough to rattle the glass of his terrarium.

“Too true, buddy,” the mayor chuckled. “We’re living the good life, aren’t we?”

He watched, amused, as the frog turned in place, resettling on a slightly different rock. Then he frowned as a bug fell from the ceiling into the tank. Mitch snapped it up before he could see what it was, but what kind of bug it might have been was immaterial compared to the fact that it had been there at all. Golt looked at the ceiling, and found the hole right away. It was no surprise he hadn’t noticed it before, it was partially behind an old golf trophy sitting on the top of his bookcase. The bug must have climbed down and fallen off the edge of the shelf… The hole didn’t quite look like water damage, but he couldn’t think what else it could be.

He pressed a button on his intercom. “Aubrey, could you schedule someone to take a look at the roof? There’s a hole in my ceiling and I think there might be a leak.”

“Right away sir.”

Right. Anyway.

Mr. Boss wasn’t quite someone the mayor could consider a friend, he was a bit too… abrasive for that. But what he was was extraordinarily wealthy and willing to pay large bribe--donations, sorry--in order to help Golt stay where he was, and that was close enough to a friend for him. And what were friends for if not for passing laws that kept children from having fun and made their parents work more?

Mitch croaked again, and Golt turned to see him licking up a couple more large bugs. The mayor scowled.

“Aubrey, add an exterminator onto that.”

“Of course.”

He stood from his desk and stood over Mitch’s tank. The frog stared up at him plaintively. “Buddy, you’re gonna get fat if you eat too much.”

Mitch just blinked at him, and Golt sighed fondly. Little dummy.

There was a serving tray on the office coffee table. After moving around the coffee pot and mugs, he returned to the tank and set the platter on top. “There. That’ll keep you from any more unscheduled snacking. Don’t give me that look,” he chided in response to the utter lack of reaction from his pet.

He turned to go back to his desk, but a series of metallic plinks had him turn back. There were more bugs, having just fallen onto the tray. A centipede and two roaches, looks like. The larger centipede seemed stunned by the fall, insomuch as Golt could tell anything whatsoever from its behavior, but the roaches were already crawling down the side of the Mitch’s tank, the stupid frog throwing himself against the glass to try and get to them.

Slowly, Mayor Golt looked up.

The hole was bigger now, and dark, with some sickening sheen just barely visible within.

“...Oh my God--”

Golt stumbled backwards as the hole exploded; as if waiting for him to notice, a hoard of insects poured out, crawling down the walls and even more just falling down like a waterfall.

Golt held a hand over his mouth to muffle his screams. He turned to run for the door, but the swarm was already covering it. A horrifyingly large spider was sitting on the doorknob, staring at him.

A tide of brown and black swept across the carpet, and Golt fled into the attached bathroom.

The window. He could get out the window in the bathroom. He was on the second floor, but there were bushes under the window that should break his fall. He ran into the room and slammed it behind him. As an afterthought, he tore the washcloths off their racks and stuffed them into the crack under the door.

The window was already open, and if he had been a little less terrified he might have questioned that. As it was, he was so laser-focused on escaping that he completely missed the intruder until it grabbed his arm.

Golt froze. The thing that had grabbed him could only be called an arm in the most technical sense, in that it had an elbow, something like a wrist, and was able to grip. It was vibrant green and gleamed in the fluorescent light.

Slowly, agonizingly slowly, Golt turned his head to see who--what--the arm belonged to, and looked into the face that would haunt his dreams for a long time to come.

The giant mantis leered at him, and reached out to close the window with its other claw-thing.

“Oh Mr. Mayor…” a hideous cacophony of buzzing voices called from his office.

Golt squeaked. “Grk!”

The giant bug, maintaining its iron grip on his arm, wrenched the door off its hinges and dragged him back in, throwing him onto the coffee table.

Golt immediately made to start running for the window again, and this time he might have just thrown himself through it, but he stopped before he could; the carpet was no longer visible under the chitinous waves, and the air was so thick with flies and wasps that he was almost scared to breathe.

The mantis shoved a bookcase over so it was in front of the door to the rest of the building, and then turned to face him once more.

That horrible voice came from every direction at once. “Mayor Golt. Can I call you Dom? We have some thingzzzz to talk about, you and I…”

------------------------------

Out in the park, Taylor watched the municipal building with unseeing eyes. She wished she’d brought some darker shades, that way she could have closed her eyes and given her full attention to the Mayor, who, wow. If the way her flies were reacting was any indication, she should probably have let him stay in the bathroom.

Actually, no. She didn’t want to see that.

Oh, there he was begging for his life. That was fast.

She had her bugs say, “We can’t help but notice thingzzzz aren’t up to code around here…” The look on his face as she demanded more benches in public spaces was priceless, torn between mortal terror and pure confusion. Damn, no she wished she’d thought to give the mantis a bodycam.

“Y-y-you--whuh? Guh?” he stammered intelligently. “Why, but--”

She was mildly bemused to see him come to some sort of realization, and part of the tension bled out of his body.

“O-oh, I see,” he said, “This is s-some kind of hazing thing, right? Y-you’re a new villain, you want to make your demands. I g-get it, you didn’t have to go to this much trouble.” That last bit was said with a not-insignificant amount of reproach. “Let me guess, you want to… uh, ban butterfly nets?”

The mantis didn’t have much in the way of body language, so every reaction was manual on her part. She had it twitch an antenna in a manner she hoped came across as annoyance.

“You know, I’m all for that, I hate kids as much as the next guy, do you want to make your donation in cash or--”

She had the mantis slice open the wall, letting yet more insects crawl out. “You think I want something that petty?”

“Uh, o-okay. Listen, if you want to eat the kids, I-I’m going to need a lot of hush money.”

Taylor scowled. Well, there went any chance of her feeling bad about this. She had the swarm crawl up the table and onto him and let them go wild for a bit.

While they went to town, she turned her attention back to her book. She’d read two pages and then give him a break. Of course, in the back of her mind she was still keeping an eye on things, she didn’t want to kill the man.

Hm. The secretary had finally noticed all the screaming and was calling security. It wouldn’t be long before they realized the door was blocked. Once they started trying to knock the door down, she’d have the bugs begin pouring into the rest of the building. That would get peoples’ attention.

She had just gotten to the part where the skeleton had to pretend to be a wax statue when a voice called out to her.

“Ms. Hebert?”

Taylor looked up to see Cree Lincoln walking by, wearing a jacket with the hood up despite the sunny weather. “Oh, hello… Cree, was it?”

“Er. That’s right.” The girl looked away awkwardly.

“...How are you today?” Taylor asked, taking pity on the obviously uncomfortable kid. “What brings you out here?”

Cree hesitated. “Nothing,” she said, so obviously lying that it was painful to see.

“Well, you’re welcome to join me if you want,” she offered, scooting over to make room on the picnic table bench she’d seated herself at. Cree accepted the offer, sitting down beside her and swinging her legs under the table.

Oop, that had gone on a bit too long. She pulled the bugs back from their assault. She hadn’t had them bite anything, but having all those legs crawling on you was unpleasant, she was told. Honestly, Taylor couldn’t remember ever having been bothered by it anymore.

The mayor spat, gasping for breath that he’d been holding in a desperate attempt to not let bugs in his mouth.

“Gah… guh… Oh God… Please Lord, spare me, I’ll do anything if you don’t do that again.”

“That’s what I like to hear, Dom. Now, about those handicap ramps…”

“Can I ask you something?” Cree said suddenly.

Distracted, Taylor responded, “Sure.”

“What’s it like, getting old?”

Taylor flinched at the unexpected question, returning to herself in order to give Cree an incredulous look. “What? I’m not old, I’m only thirty-two.”

Cree winced. “Sorry, I just…” she hesitated again, looking torn. “Look, uh, I don’t trust most adults, but you know Numbuh 818’s in the Kids Next Door, and you don’t seem to care, and she’s never said a bad word about you and even Numbuh 1 seems to kind of like you and he’s the most paranoid guy I’ve ever met--”

Taylor blinked slowly, trying to follow along while still focusing on the Mayor’s office. She’d missed when but somehow the frog had gotten out of its tank and Golt was brandishing it like a weapon, promising it all the crickets it could eat if it saved him. He was mostly rambling to himself and didn’t seem inclined to stop anytime soon, so she let him keep going while she talked to Cree.

“If you’re trying to ask me for advice, Cree, you should come out and ask,” Taylor said.

Cree deflated. Muttering quietly enough that Taylor probably wasn’t meant to hear it, she said, “...I don’t even know why I’m talking to you. We’ve only spoken a couple times, but you seem kind of cool, and Numbuh 9 swore you were on our side, so…” Out loud, she said, “Today’s my twelfth birthday.”

Taylor brightened. “Oh, happy birthday.” Cree didn’t look happy about it. “...Or, not?”

Cree leaned forward, cupping her chin in her hands. “Yeah, no. High Command threw me a birthday party and I ditched.”

“Why would you do that?” Taylor asked. The mayor was openly weeping now, and it was starting to get annoying. She started pulling the bugs back, leaving him a larger bubble to cower in, and after a moment he seemed to realize it.

She had her bugs start giving him a list of minor improvements she had. She wasn’t sure he was really listening.

“I’ve only got one year left as an operative,” Cree despaired. “And like, I’ve given my entire life so far to the KND, I don’t wanna forget about that!”

“Please, I don’t understand. Why--I don’t understand. Benches? What does a bug want with a bench?”

“A place to sit. Obviously.”

“Numbuh 100, he’s been Supreme Leader for as long as I can remember, and now he’s gone. I could still see the person he was in him, but it hurt so much to see him look at us without recognizing anyone,” Cree said. “I just, the idea of losing my memories… it’s terrifying?”

Taylor watched through thousands of eyes as Golt started regathering his confidence. She finally let the swarm start crawling into the rest of the building, and she could hear screams everywhere. Golt heard them too, and there was the fear again, though--yup, he wasn’t worried for his employees, just for his reputation. Typical. Honestly, it didn’t really matter if he followed through on any of her demands, as long as it--

Cree’s statement finally registered. “What’s that about losing memories?”

“Huh?” Cree wiped at her eyes. She wasn’t crying, but her eyes were definitely red. “Yeah? I thought that was common knowledge. Once you hit thirteen, you get Decommissioned, and that means losing all your memories of the Kids Next Door.” She shivered. “And I’ve been an operative since I was four. What’ll even be left of me afterwards?”

Taylor’s face went blank, fingers digging into her book. “...What indeed. Excuse me for a moment.”

---------------------------

Golt gave a start as the mantis suddenly bristled. The entire swarm writhed as the giant bug leaned in and got close enough that the mayor could smell its breath.

“Mayor Golt.” The voice was nearly unintelligible through the angry buzz.

“Y-y-yes?”

“I think perhaps you are not taking me seriously.”

“No I am! I am taking you so seriously right now!” he insisted, voice shrill. He could feel the wasps settling down in his hair, and he struggled not to move, a feat made exponentially more difficult by the creepy crawlies climbing up his legs. He dearly hoped they weren’t going to cover him again, and he wasn’t sure what he did to set them off this time. How could he appease them when he didn’t know what he did to upset them?!

“No, I don’t think you are. So let me show you how I really feel.”

The swarm surged into motion, the hideous tide climbing up the walls and pulling pictures off the walls. The mantis stalked forward and with one smooth motion cut his desk in half. The massive portrait of himself went next, and then the safe behind it was sliced apart. Golt let out an involuntary yell of protest as stacks of bills spilled out into the carpet of bugs. The mantis picked a few stacks up, inspecting them before stowing them away somewhere.

Then it turned back to him…

“No, please God no!”

------------------------------

Taylor let out a long breath. “Okay. So. I did not know about this,” she said. “I don’t blame you for being scared about this.” She smoothed out the pages.

“I’m not scared--”

“You’re terrified, and that’s okay,” Taylor said.

Cree looked her in the eye and couldn’t find it in herself to argue. “...A little,” she admitted. “I’ve given everything to the cause, I don’t know what I’d do without it.”

“It’s kind of messed up that they’d toss loyal operatives aside like that,” Taylor agreed, idly tearing apart the Mayor’s office.

“Yeah.”

Police sirens could be heard in the distance, and they both looked over to see the cars speeding towards city hall.

“Wonder what’s that about,” Taylor said blandly.

--------------------------------

“Mr. Chairman, the police have been mobilized. The distraction is in place.”

“Very good. Mobilize the task force.”

“Sir, yes sir!”

-------------------------------

“...So I don’t really understand the animosity between kids and teens,” Taylor said. “In my experience they both get screwed over by adults. I know when I was a teen almost all of my problems came from adults who thought they knew better than I did. And sometimes they did, but they were always huge jerks about it.”

“Oh, tell me about it,” Cree agreed. “I know that the teen ninja hate the laws surrounding arcades as much as the rest of us.”

“Oh, what laws are those?” Taylor asked.

“They all have to close at four, so most kids and teens can only get at most half an hour of gaming after school before getting kicked out. It’s crazy.”

Taylor frowned at that. “That is crazy. How can they make a profit when their primary customer base can’t get to them in time?”

“And another thing, these arcade restrictions…”

“Yes, anything! Please--!”

“You’d know better than I would,” Cree said, leaning onto the picnic table. “The thing that really sucks for kids is the curfew.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” Cree smirked. We’re KND, so we ignore it anyway, but kids under 13 aren’t supposed to be outside after six.”

“Six? That’s--well, to be honest, it isn’t always safe in this town. Who knows when some whackjob will snatch a kid off the street.”

Cree glared, tensing up. “Hey, that’s what the Kids Next Door is for. We keep kids safe so they can be kids.”

“Please, I can’t go back on the curfew laws, I literally just accepted a huge bribe to make them even worse! Mr. Boss will ruin me if I don’t--”

“He’ll only ruin your career. I’ll ruin your face. You don’t need both ears, do you?”

“Oh God!”

Cree sighed, shoulders unclenching. “Alright. I think I feel better now. I guess I need to go and face the music.”

Taylor snorted. “Goodness, you make it sound like you’re on trial. Enjoy your party, Cree. And hey, feel free to come to Holly’s eighth in a few weeks.” Cree stood and stretched. “Seriously, enjoy yourself while you can. And I’m happy to talk again if you ever feel like it. Maybe at my shop this Sunday? I’ve got this new recipe for sponge cakes I want to try.”

Cree smiled. “Thanks, Ms. H. I appreciate it.”

Taylor watched her go, a soft smile on her lips.

The Mayor was really struggling with choosing between his continued career and his physical health, so Skitter decided to make it easy for him. The cops had brought in an exterminator, so she needed to wrap this up anyway.

“Listen, Dom. It boils down to this. I’m here, right now, and Mr. Boss isn’t. …Perhaps I need to show you how serious I am. Give me the frog.”

“Mitch? Yes, please! Take him and leave me be!”

The frog croaked indignantly, and Taylor was taken aback by the immediate, unhesitating betrayal.

“...You’re a real piece of work, Golt.” She had the mantis look over its shoulder as the SWAT team stormed upstairs. “Looks like we’re out of time now. We’ll be in touch.”

She had the mantis to climb back out the bathroom window, which it did by smashing through it. It climbed up to the roof, where she ordered it to make its way back to the Bee’s Knees through a circuitous rooftop route.

She got out of her seat and cradled her book under her arm. Once the exterminator started spraying and she’d gotten a look at how well armored they all were, she commanded the bugs to go crazy and then left them while she walked out of range.

Not all of them of course. A few of the larger bugs made off with more of the bills and a few papers from his desk. Never know when that sort of thing might come in handy.

As she stepped out of the park, she noted another scene on the edge of her awareness. That museum she’d noted the other day was being robbed by men in blue jumpsuits. There weren’t enough bugs to tell what exactly they were after, but it was something in the basement storage. She paused, wondering if she should do something about it, then decided it was none of her business.

-----------------------------------

“The item has been retrieved, sir.”

“Excellent. There were no complications? I was hesitant to order a heist so close to Skitter’s distraction.”

“None whatsoever, sir.”

“Excellent work. Return to base for debriefing.” The Chairman hung up and leaned back in his chair, threading his fingers together. “Fools had no idea what they had…”

------------------------------------

End File

…

…

…

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Moonbase

“I’m glad you decided to come after all, Numbuh 11. I thought for sure you were going to do a runner on us.”

“I almost did, 274,” Cree admitted. “I think I just needed someone to talk to.”

“Yeah, getting older is scary,” Chad agreed. “But hey! A party makes everything better!”

“Numbuh 11th Hour sure can throw a good one.”

Chad popped open a can of soda. “So, who’d you end up talking to? Numbuh 9? He’s always been pretty wise, I thought.” He took a sip.

“Actually, I ran into Numbuh 818’s mom at the park, and she--”

Chad choked, coughing as the drink went down the wrong pipe. “Y-you what? Why’d you go and talk to the creepy bug lady?!”

“Hey, Ms. H is cool,” Cree defended. “And she’s only kind of a villain, I think.”

“You thin--what does that even mean?!”

“What’s the big deal, 274?” Cree snapped. “She helped me out, isn’t that all that matters?”

Chad opened his mouth to argue, but another operative tapped him on the shoulder and interrupted him. “Excuse me, sir? Agent NIL wants to talk with you.”

Chad glowered at her. “We’re gonna talk about this, Cree,” he promised, turning and stomping off. “Happy birthday.”

Cree watched him go, bewildered and a little annoyed. “...Whatever. Hey Numbuh 5! Let’s take a whack at the pinata!”