May Oysters Grieve - episode 9

MAY THE OYSTERS GRIEVE - episode 9

STEAM WHISTLE OF A BOAT

SOUND OF WAVES AND SEAGULLS

ANNOUNCER                Set sail for Excitement
Set sail for intrigue
Adventure is on the Horizon!

ANNOUNCER                May the Oysters Grieve, episode 9

SHIP’S BELL RINGS FOUR TIMES – DING-DING DING-DING

ANNOUNCER                Time stands still in the wee hours of the morning for murder after murder and revelation after revelation, all over the Schumacher mansion.  Hilda’s demise made it clear that Paul – identical brother of Gramps, the family patriarch – was a killer, and, that he almost certainly killed Gideon, the other “old family retainer.”  But Paul couldn’t be the one who stabbed Bethany in the upstairs hall – an assault she has survived... so far.  Speaking of stabbing – with a strange change of heart, Tony has emerged from hiding to save the injured actress Marjorie.

MUSIC SWELLS

SCENE 1.          BALLROOM

SOUND                          LAYING MARJORIE DOWN ON A COUCH

DUKE                             I ain’t a-letting go of you, Antoine, ole pal.

TONY                            [resigned]  I know.

MAC                              I’ll leave him to you, Duke.  Rose?  Is there anything--?

ROSE                             I’ve got her Mac.  Good thing I kept hold of everything I used on Bethany.

CECILE                          Anything I can help with?

ROSE                             You good with the sight of blood, Cecile?

CECILE                          I don’t know much doctoring, but I won’t faint.

ROSE                             [quiet]  A step up from Tim, then.  Hold this.

DUKE                             [to Tony]  Without the whiskers and all, Antoine, you are the spittin image of Tim, there. 

TONY                            “Tony”, please.

MAC                              Tell me, then.  Why walk right into our hands?

TONY                            [sincere]  I couldn’t just leave her – Marjorie – to die.  Not again.  I mean, not like—

MAC                              [sharp]  Joanette?

TONY                            I tried to tell myself it was an accident, to absolve myself of the blame, but even though it was, I – I can’t run away from the responsibility any more.

MAC                              Maybe there’s hope for you, yet, Tony.

MUSIC

SCENE 2.          LOST HALLWAY

SOUND                          ZORION’S BARE FEET WALK IN ECHOEY HALLWAY

ZORION                        [mutters in some foreign language, which turns into his inner thoughts, which are accented, but not as broken as the way he usually speaks] 

SOUND                          ZORION’S QUIET BREATHING UNDER THIS:

ZORION                        [voice over]  Has Bertie waited, as I told him?  He is strange to me, but a man of honor.  I must repay his trust and respect, and make my way back.  [sigh]  I come so far to claim Amaya, ready to fight for free her.  She say she wants stay with those not our folk.  Further, she find some who accept us as people of wolves – or perhaps they think we lie, but do not condemn us for being liars.  Is this land truly a place of equals? 

SOUND                          STEPS STOP FOR A MOMENTRUSTLE AS HE STANDS

ZORION                        [voice over]  Yet even well-made plans can be undone.  And love may find the wrong heart.  If I could but speak to her, alone, I could lay my soul at her feet – my offering. 

SOUND                          QUIET, SLOW BARE FOOT STEPS BEGIN

ZORION                        [voice over]  But they are always together, the women, and will not see me.  She is so fierce and independent, how do I speak the words to show I am the man she needs? 

SOUND                          AHEAD, HE HEARS A DOOR OPEN

ZORION                        [aloud, but quiet]  Ah!  There is one I hunt, ahead.  Good.

SOUND                          HE SLOWLY SNEAKS FORWARD

ZORION                        [voice over]  Even those who accept us as comrades, may not be so eager to mix further.  [sigh]  It is not my fate.  I will hold my voice.  [back to speaking aloud, quiet]  Oh, beautiful flower of sunshine. 

SOUND                          HE TAKES A FEW STEPS

ZORION                        [Aloud, with feeling]  Oh… Rose.

MUSIC

SCENE 3.          BALLROOM

TONY                            I … I do have a conscience, and I needed to make some kind of amends. 

DUKE                             [intimidating]  Say, Mac, they got the electric chair, here in Hawaii?

MAC                              We can consider that later, Duke.  [announcement]  All right.  Everyone.  From what we gather, there are still five people wandering around in the house – Bertie and Zorion, Gramps, Paul, and Beatrice.  We need to find the first two as quickly as possible, and probably Gramps as well, in case he’s the next target—

TONY                            He stabbed Marjorie!  He’s the murderer!

MAC                              Are you certain it was Gramps? 

DUKE                             Just like you hornswoggled us into thinking you was Tim, Paul mighta gone and fooled you.

TONY                            Who’s this “Paul?”

MAC                              Your grandfather’s long-missing identical brother. 

MUSIC

SCENE 4.          A BACK HALLWAY

SOUND                          ZORION’S BARE FEET SLOWLY APPROACH

BEATRICE                      [gasp]  Who’s there?

ZORION                        I am Zorion.

BEATRICE                      Come into the light, so I can see you.

ZORION                        I see you. 

BEATRICE                      But I’m afraid.  Come closer.

ZORION                        Do not fear.  I am protect.

SOUND                          HE TAKES ANOTHER STEP

BEATRICE                      Oh!  You’re that handsome foreigner. 

ZORION                        No, am Zorion.

BEATRICE                      If I swoon, will you catch me?

ZORION                        Swoon?  What is swoon?

BEATRICE                      Faint.  Fall down.

ZORION                        You are hurt?

BEATRICE                      [pouring it on]  No, I am overcome.  A manly savior like you makes me feel such relief, that I must react like the delicate woman I am, and fall at your feet in gratitude.

ZORION                        Too many words.  [gasp]  Your hand?  Is burn?

BEATRICE                      It’s nothing.  It was worth it, to grab a pearl. 

ZORION                        You take pearl?  Is dangerous!

SOUND                          HE TAKES A STEP CLOSER

BEATRICE                      [oldest trick in the book]  Oh!  What’s that behind you?

ZORION                        What?  [he turns a bit]

SOUND                          SHE SWINGS, CLUNK OF HITTING HIM WITH A VASE

ZORION                        Uhn…

SOUND                          HIS BODY HITS THE FLOOR

MUSIC

SCENE 5.          BALLROOM

SOUND                          MAC PACES

MAC                              Let’s assume, for now, that it was Paul who ran by and slashed Marjorie.

ROSE                             [calling over]  She’s ok, by the way.  I think it’s more shock than anything else. 

TONY                            [truly relieved]  Oh, good.

TIM                               Why, Tony?  Why?

TONY                            Why what, Tim?

TIM                               Why do you care?  Weren’t you planning to make me your scapegoat and run off?

TONY                            I don’t think I could ever have gone through with that, even if the idea did occur to me.  [beat]  Marjorie, she – we were heading this way – and I was just planning on showing her the way out, then running off, myself.  [haunted]  He came out of nowhere!  And there was all this blood, and—

LULU                             And what?

TONY                            [tragic admission]  I don’t think she even realized he had a knife, just that he was running at us, and… she pushed me out of the way.  [sigh]  I could hardly abandon her.  I’m glad she’ll be all right.

MAC                              [brusque]  Where were you, when this attack happened?

TONY                            [small voice]  No time for weakness, eh?  All right.  Good.  [deep breath, then louder]  I could show you, but he was moving pretty quickly and might be anywhere, by now.

MAC                              Blast.  [calling over]  If we’re going to stay much longer in Honolulu, Duke, we need to see about getting some weapons.

KALEA                           I know a guy.  Meanwhile, have a billiard cue.

SOUND                          HANDING IT OVER

IDA                                [to Duke]  Here’s one for you, handsome.

DUKE                             Thankee kindly, miss Ida.  You keep spoiling me like this and I might have to escort you out to a fancy dinner, sometime.

IDA                                [giggles]  Oh, you!  I’ll hold you to that!

CARSON                        Now we just gotta figure out who we plan to put a hurt on.

MAC                              We can’t take any chances – if we find anyone that looks like Gramps, we’ve got to tie him up, whether he seems peaceful or not. 

MUSIC

SCENE 6.          INGLENOOK

SOUND                          BEATRICE WALKING AND DRAGGING A BODY

BEATRICE                      [ungh – noise of effort – dragging him] 

SOUND                          SECRET DOOR SHUTS WITH SPECIFIC NOISE

ZORION                        [murmurs, unconscious]

BEATRICE                      [laughs]  After all those stupid jokes about a woman trying to “catch a man” - just never quite this literally.  And with a burned hand, too.  But it will all be worth it.  He’s dark and handsome, even if he’s not particularly tall. 

SOUND                          CREAK OF ROPES

ZORION                        [waking noises]  What happen?  You hit Zorion?

BEATRICE                      Don’t worry, handsome.  [speaking slowly and trying hard to be romantic]  Now that I have you, I mean you no harm.

ZORION                        Harm?  [upset]  You bind me!  [struggling noises]

SOUND                          ROPES CREAK

BEATRICE                      Only until I can convince you to love me, darling.

ZORION                        [still exerting]  Not “darling.”  Zorion. 

BEATRICE                      MMmm.  Zorion.  Such an exotic name.  And such an exotic fellow.  You are truly my heart’s desire.  I love your wild mane of hair.

ZORION                        I am promised to--

BEATRICE                      [sudden rage]  I don’t care!  [flippant]  Finders keepers, as they say!  I found you, and no one’s going to take you away from me!  [suddenly crafty]  Except…  What’s her name, the one you love, anyway?

ZORION                        [slowly, careful not to lie]  I am promised to one of my own kind.  She is called Amaya.

BEATRICE                      Why don’t I go find Amaya and … ask her – you know, girl to girl – If she might be willing to give you up?  [fervent]  I can give you all the love you’ll ever need.

SOUND                          SMALL KISSES ALL OVER HIS FACE

ZORION                        [squirming a bit]  Yes.  Go ask.  Go.

MUSIC

SCENE 7.          BALLROOM

MAC                              Duke and I are going out to find Bertie. 

DUKE                             And Gramps.

MAC                              [firm]  And we need you here in the ballroom, Rose. 

ROSE                             But—

MAC                              You already have Bethany and Marjorie to look after.  And if there’s a fight….

ROSE                             Amaya has a stick.  We’ll be fine!

AMAYA                         I fear no old men.

CECILE                          It’s Amaya and you, and me and my skillet, Rose.

SOUND                          SMACK ON THE PAN

CARSON                        What am I, chopped liver?

KALEA                           I can fight if I have to, I just rather not.  But I got a stick, too.

LARRY                           And I’ve got balls.  I mean… oh. 

IDA                                Oh, Larry.

MAC                              There shouldn’t be any need for a fight.  A murderer isn’t like a commando.  They don’t attack people in groups.

ROSE                             Not ones who can see them, anyway?

DUKE                             Jest keep them lights on.

MAC                              You should start a fire in the fireplace – then there’d be light even if the electricity goes.

ROSE                             All right.  [mock sigh]  We’ll keep the home fires burning while you guys go have all the fun.

SOUND                          THE DOOR CLOSES BEHIND THE GUYS

AMAYA                         [confused]  We must burn things?

ROSE                             It’s just an expression.

MUSIC

FAKE COMMERCIAL

ANNOUNCER                We've all had one of those trips: driving carelessly through luscious countryside, enjoying the fresh air and sunshine, far away from the madding crowd... and run out of gas.

SOUND                          MUSIC TURNS DARK

ANNOUNCER                And what do you do if there's no help to be found for miles in any direction?  When the last sign of civilization you passed was hours ago, and was a battered barn with the doors lolling open and only bats within?

SOUND                          MUSIC BRIGHTENS

ANNOUNCER                If you planned ahead, you might have a full gas can, and wouldn’t spend more than a whistle of inconvenience.  Farwest Aid Society for Travelers F-A-S-T  FAST! [fast effect]  Is the best friend a traveler in the Pacific has.  FAST [fast effect] won't buy you gas, but it is the backup plan for everything else.  We’re there for you when your tank runs dry.

SCENE 8.          BALLROOM

ROSE                             I suppose everyone should try and get some rest.

AMAYA                         [urgent]  Someone is outside window!

ROSE                             What?

AMAYA                         Walk past – there.

LARRY                           You can’t even see out the windows, with the shutters all closed!

AMAYA                         I know what passes. 

MARJORIE                    [weakly]  As if you could get any more eerie, Amaya.

LARRY                           Could it be - rescuers?

IDA                                We’re hardly lost at sea, Larry.  It’s only been a few hours, and no one out there is even worrying about us, yet.

ROSE                             Let’s get the fireplace lit.  And keep an ear out for anyone coming into the house.  If that’s possible.

MUSIC

SCENE 9.          GALLERY

SOUND                          MAC AND DUKE WALKING QUICKLY THROUGH

MAC                              If we could just find a way to tell Gramps and Paul apart. 

DUKE                             I betcha a good old fashioned shiner would set one off from the other, and I reckon I don’t even know which one I’d like to plant a right cross on more.

MAC                              [amused]  Really?  Paul’s a murderer, and you can’t choose?

DUKE                             There’s something downright nasty about Gramps.  The way he controls everyone around here, like a coyote playing at being a sheepdog.

MAC                              You think that, without his influence, the family wouldn’t be so damaged?

DUKE                             They say that to pull up the loco weed you gotta go right to the root. 

MUSIC

SCENE 10.        BALLROOM

SOUND                          KNOCK ON DOOR

SOUND                          FIREPLACE, BUT NOT LOUD

ROSE                             Mac?  But they just left.

AMAYA                         Who else?

CECILE                          Open it.  We’re right behind ya.

IDA                                Right back over here.

ROSE                             I doubt a killer’s likely to knock, ladies. 

SOUND                          SHE WALKS TO THE DOOR

ROSE                             One, two, three….

SOUND                          DOOR OPEN, SOMEONE STARTS TO STEP IN, THEN

BERTIE                          There you are--

SOUND                          WHOOSH, BILLIARD BALL HITS DOOR, DOOR HITS BERTIES

BERTIE                          Oh… [fainting noise]

SOUND                          BERTIE DROPS TO THE FLOOR

ROSE                             Oh, goodness, Larry!

LARRY                           Ooh!  Sorry!

CECILE                          Darn good aim, though.

IDA                                Not exactly in the strike zone.

LULU                             Oh no!  Will Bertie be ok?

ROSE                             Well, he gets hit on the head pretty often, but that sounded like a bad one. 

MUSIC

SCENE 11.        HALLWAY, UPSTAIRS

SOUND                          RAPID FOOTSTEPS

GRAMPS                       What a blasted waste of time.  The stable door still opened the last time I checked, though that was several years ago.  There must be something heavy on top of it.  I swear no one else in the household knew of its existence.

SOUND                          DISTANT FOOTSTEPS, GRAMPS’ STEPS HALT

SOUND                          HE SETS DOWN A HEAVY CASE

GRAMPS                       [quieter]  Who the devil could that be? 

SOUND                          THE DISTANT FOOTSTEPS MOVE ACROSS, DOOR SHUTS

GRAMPS                       Beatrice?  Must be her.  Bethany never walks with such purpose.  Now that she’s out of the way, if I can just get to the gallery, I can get into the hideout room, and wait for the storm to blow out—

PAUL                             [too close]  Or you could die this time, brother!

GRAMPS                       Wha--?

SOUND                          STRUGGLE

MUSIC

SCENE 12.        BALLROOM

SOUND                          DOOR CLOSES

AMAYA                         Bertie drops book.

SOUND                          THEY HEAVE BERTIE ONTO A SOFA

IDA                                What’s that?

AMAYA                         [shrug]  From Bertie.  Here.

IDA                                Mmm.

SOUND                          IDA PAGES THROUGH THE JOURNAL

AMAYA                         Bertie head is all right?

ROSE                             I don’t know… That door hit him pretty hard.

BERTIE                          [groan of pain]

ROSE                             But at least he’s not dead.

SOUND                          BERTIE SITS UP

BERTIE                          [moan]

LARRY                           I am so sorry.

BERTIE                          [painful sigh]  I can hardly fault you.  You’ve sufficient reason to be more than a little on edge.

ROSE                             You can tell he’s all right when he can make long sentences. 

BERTIE                          [chuckles, but cuts off with a noise of pain]

IDA                                Who is this Great Ciabattini? [cha-bah-TEE-nee]

BERTIE                          [perking up]  Where did you--?  Oh, the journal.

IDA                                I can only make out one word in ten, but names are names in any language. 

BERTIE                          May I?

SOUND                          SHE HANDS THE BOOK BACK TO HIM

BERTIE                          I think this volume holds the secrets of this house.  To begin with, it appears the place was designed and built by a famous stage magician, this “Ciabattinni.”  [cha-bah-TEE-nee] 

ROSE                             That explains all the secret doors!

LULU                             But who--?

BERTIE                          I’ll hazard a guess and say he was your great-grandfather.  He gave up his career on the stage and tried to buy his way into the beau monde.

TIM                               The what? 

ROSE                             The local social circle.  The best families.

IDA                                He wouldn’t be the first.  And a magician is certainly more savory than a bootlegger--

LARRY                           Or a war profiteer--

IDA                                --though I’ve always had excellent luck with bootleggers.

BERTIE                          Oh, dear, I’ve forgotten something!

ROSE                             What?

BERTIE                          Zorion!

MUSIC

SCENE 13.        INGLENOOK

SOUND                          ZORION SQUIRMING

SOUND                          BONDS RUBBING, TEARING

ZORION                        [speaking with a piece of rope in his mouth as he bites it with a bit of a growl]  Woman is mad! 

SOUND                          LAST OF THE ROPES COME LOOSE

ZORION                        [spits out rope fibers]  Need be gone when she return.

SOUND                          GROPING AROUND THE WALL

ZORION                        [disgusted]  Woman want make me love her.  Never will I betray my love.

SOUND                          CLICK, DOOR OPENS, HE GRABS IT

ZORION                        Sloooowly.  Good. 

SOUND                          HE SLIPS OUT, PADS OFF DOWN THE HALL

ZORION                        If no love can be, I may stay and be help for my flower.

MUSIC

SCENE 14.        MAIN FOYER

SOUND                          DUKE AND MAC ENTER, SLOWLY

DUKE                             Whatcha thinking, Mac?

MAC                              About…?

SOUND                          THEY STOP

DUKE                             Antoine.  I mean Tony. 

MAC                              Hmm.  I think we need to handle the situation at hand before we go looking for more knots to untangle.

DUKE                             I’m right with you, but I gotta know if you believe that yarn he was spinning.

MAC                              Check the front door.  See if anyone opened it.

SOUND                          DUKE GOES TO DOOR, RATTLES HANDLE

DUKE                             No water in here, so it’s stayed good and shut.  Well?

MAC                              I think Tony is sincere.  He’ll have to do some time, but I don’t think outright murder is the right charge.

DUKE                             If he was gonna plan to kill someone, he’s got a stampede of candidates right here at home.

MAC                              They’ve all been here, somehow balanced with each other, for so long – so accustomed to their life – it took a night like this to bring out the murderer amongst them.  Or did it?  Hmm.

DUKE                             Whatcha thinking?

MAC                              Uncle Paul.  Whichever one of them it was that told us, he said Paul was locked up for decades, deep in this house.  What if the arrival of strangers wasn’t just an emotional catalyst, but actually caused his escape?

DUKE                             Rose said they all tumbled into some kinda cell, through that trap door – maybe they set him loose when they got themselves out?

MAC                              That could explain a lot.  Finally free, he sets out to get vengeance on those he blames for his imprisonment—

DUKE                             That still don’t explain who went and stabbed Bethany.

MAC                              I haven’t got everything--

GRAMPS                       [screams]  Yeeahhhhh….

SOUND                          BODY TUMBLES DOWN THE STAIRS

SOUND                          HEAVY CASE BUMPS DOWN STAIRS, LANDING NEAR GRAMPS

MAC                              Gramps?!

SOUND                          BODY COMES TO REST

DUKE                             Dangit, that grand staircase has finally gone and lost its last bit of charm!

MUSIC TO CLOSING

ANNOUNCER                A body tumbling down the stairs, but is it Gramps, or might it be his dangerous double, Paul?  Was he pushed, and by whom?  Will Zorion ever be able to express himself to the object of his affection?  And what kind of fresh trouble might Beatrice get into, once she demands Amaya back off and leave Zorion to her tender embraces?

END