May Oysters Grieve - episode 7

MAY THE OYSTERS GRIEVE – episode 7

STEAM WHISTLE OF A BOAT

SOUND OF WAVES AND SEAGULLS

ANNOUNCER                Set sail for Excitement
Set sail for intrigue
Adventure is on the Horizon!

ANNOUNCER                May the Oysters Grieve, episode 7

SHIP’S BELL RINGS FOUR TIMES – DING-DING DING-DING

ANNOUNCER                Following hard on the murder of the elderly Gideon, Aunt Bethany was stabbed in the second floor hallway, and may perish without immediate medical aid and a heaping helping of luck.  Marjorie has found herself lost, but not alone, in the passages behind the walls.  And Bertie and Zorion have reached the secret of the villainously trapped turret room.  Finally, Mac and Duke broke up a fight between Gramps and a man who looked just like him – and one of the elderly combatants got away, but which one? 

MUSIC SWELLS

SCENE 1.          DINING ROOM

SOUND                          SECRET DOOR SLAMS AND LOCKS

MAC                              Drat!  He got away before I could grab him!  [noise as he pounds on the wall]  Ungh!

SOUND                          MAC’S FIST HITS WALL

DUKE                             You all right, Gramps?

PAUL                             [coughs a bit, to give himself time to think]  Why, yes.  [cough cough]  You fellows saved me.  You have my [coughs] eternal gratitude. 

MAC                              Who was that?

PAUL                             [thinking furiously]  That?  Um… My brother.  Paul.

DUKE                             I thought he was supposed to have hit the trail way back when.  What happened?

MAC                              Hold that thought, Duke.  You’re staying with us, sir.

DUKE                             He said it’s okay to call him Gramps, Mac.

PAUL                             [slowly, calculating]  Why, yes.  Gramps is just fine.

MAC                              Let’s get you back with everyone else, Gramps, and then perhaps you can explain about your brother’s sudden reappearance.

MUSIC

SCENE 2.          SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY

BETHANY                      [harsh breathing and occasional whimpers, unless otherwise noted]

ROSE                             [trying to stay calm]  Stay with me, Bethany.  I’m Rose – Rose MacDougall.  Can you hear me?

BETHANY                      Uh-huh.

ROSE                             Good.  Try and stay conscious.  Can you tell me anything about who attacked you?

BETHANY                      Nuh-uh.

SOUND                          AMAYA’S STEPS RETURN

AMAYA                         Tim find medicine.

SOUND                          NUMEROUS SMALL THINGS PLACED ON FLOOR

SOUND                          ROSE PICKS THROUGH THE BOTTLES, ETC.

ROSE                             Thanks, Amaya!  This should work.  Where’s Tim?

AMAYA                         Not like blood.

ROSE                             Get him.  Keep him with you and go find Mac, quick! 

MUSIC

SCENE 3.          TURRET

SOUND                          CURTAIN SWISHES ASIDE

BERTIE                          Well, fancy!  All this, up here lurking in the top of the house.

ZORION                        Many painted boxes?  Bertie?

BERTIE                          I do believe, Zorion, that we have entered a repository of the prestidigitory arts.

ZORION                        [warning]  Bertie.  Make small words.

BERTIE                          I’m not sure I can avoid too much talking about this.  Unless I miss my guess, these are the exquisite props of a master of stage magic.

ZORION                        Magic?  [serious warning]  Magic is not for play, Bertie.  Makes burn.  Uch!  [frustrated with his lack of English vocabulary]

SOUND                          THEY MOVE AROUND SLOWLY, NOT TOUCHING THINGS

BERTIE                          This is mere performance.  I won’t say it can’t be dangerous, so don’t touch anything, just yet.  You see, stage magicians make it look like they perform magic, but it is only tricks - like all these strange doors.

ZORION                        Not true magic?

BERTIE                          Certainly not.  [slower]  But if these were constructed by the fellow who built this house, that explains the secret panels and traps.  He certainly knew how to build such things.

ZORION                        Why hide box tricks?

BERTIE                          None of the family has mentioned stage magic – perhaps their progenitor was hiding his background to make it easier to step into the upper class.

ZORION                        [exasperated]  More slow?

BERTIE                          A performer is not considered… nobility.  To appear “high class”, he might try to hide how he became wealthy.

ZORION                        Make rich from trick magic?

BERTIE                          These boxes could be very valuable.  Especially if he constructed them all himself.  Aha.  Here’s some papers.  [he blows off the dust]  A poster for the Great Ciabattino [chah-bah-TEE-no] …who apparently entertained the crowned heads of Europe.

MUSIC

SCENE 4.          BEDROOM

SOUND                          TIM RUMMAGES THROUGH DRAWERS

SOUND                          AMAYA ENTERS

TIM                               [gasp]  Amaya, you nearly gave me a heart attack.

AMAYA                         Come, Tim.  Stay close.  Your brother claim he is you.

SOUND                          THEY LEAVE ROOM, ENTER HALL, KEEP WALKING

TIM                               My what?  Tony?

AMAYA                         [pleased with herself]  He fool me not.  Others, maybe yes.

TIM                               Why would he do that?

AMAYA                         He want you blame for murder. 

TIM                               Me?  I would never—

AMAYA                         [warning, commanding]  Tim! 

SOUND                          SHE STOPS HIM

AMAYA                         [brutal honesty]  Tony want you punish, not him!  [upset]  Then we no finish movie! 

TIM                               I don’t think I can--

AMAYA                         No time for sit, Tim, come.  We must fetch Mac.

MUSIC

SCENE 5.          BALLROOM

SOUND                          CARSON AND CECILE MOVING AROUND

HILDA                            [snoring]

SOUND                          CECILE OPENS A DOOR ON HER SIDE, CARSON ON HIS

CECILE                          [at one side]  Hello?  Anyone out there not a killer? 

CARSON                        [at the far side]  Yo?  Anyone?  Helloooooo?

SOUND                          DOORS SHUT, BOTH SIDES

CARSON                        Why in sam hill does anyone build a ballroom in their house?

CECILE                          [shrug]  Rich white folks.  [sigh]  I give up.  Let’s take a load off.

SOUND                          SHE WALKS OVER AND SITS

CARSON                        I hear ya.  [notices Hilda]  Should we be quiet, you think?  For her?

CECILE                          She slept through all the yelling.  But… I would be just as happy if she don’t wake up and start nattering on again.

CARSON                        [laughs]  Yeah. 

SOUND                          HE SITS

CECILE                          [sighs]  My Gran said coming all this way just to make a movie was plain crazy.  [humorless chuckle]  If she could just see me now.

CARSON                        So you’re in “The Island Howls?”

CECILE                          [a little sad]  It was a really good role.  Not another damn maid.

CARSON                        It’ll still get finished, won’t it?

CECILE                          I don’t know.  It’s Tim and Lulu we gotta watch out for.  Without them, the picture’s done for sure.

SOUND                          DOOR SLAMS OPEN

CECILE                          [small shriek] 

SOUND                          LARRY STRIDES IN

LARRY                           We’re back!  [turns back]  They’re here!

CECILE                          Dang it, Larry! 

CARSON                        Hey!  Keep it down.  Can’t you see poor old Hilda is sleeping?

MUSIC

SCENE 6.          GRAND FOYER

SOUND                          WALKING

DUKE                             You doin ok, there, Gramps?  You seem pretty spry for yer age, but being strangled like that can take a toll on anyone.

PAUL                             [pretending to be Gramps]  I might not be able to run a marathon, but I’m certainly able to walk, young man.

DUKE                             I toldja you could call me Duke.  Everyone does.  And that feller there’s Mac.

MAC                              This is the way to the ballroom, if I’m not mistaken.

PAUL                             All business, your friend. 

DUKE                             ‘Cept when it comes to his sister.  But that’s why he’s the boss, more or less.

PAUL                             I only ever had brothers.

DUKE                             Triplets, right?  And that feller who was a-strangling you was one of em? 

MAC                              How’d he get back into the house after all these years?

PAUL                             Oh, that. Ummm... [pretends to consider]  He… never left. 

DUKE                             Hilda said he vamoosed and was Enoch Arden-ed like any other vanish case.

PAUL                             [annoyed]  None of that modern slang, young man.

MAC                              Enoch Arden is just shorthand for the law that says someone can be declared dead if they’ve been missing for seven years.

PAUL                             [hiding fury, snide]  Oh, really?  Then I suppose it won’t do him any good to reappear after all this time.

MAC                              Especially if he’s killed someone.

DUKE                             Seems to run in the family.

MUSIC

SCENE 7.          BEHIND THE WALLS

SOUND                          TONY COMES CLOSER

TONY                            What were you going to say?

MARJORIE                    I don’t remember.  Nothing that tops murder, I can guarantee you that, mister Schumacher.

TONY                            Call me Tony.  You don’t seem frightened to be alone with a possible killer.

MARJORIE                    Maybe I’m just a good actress.

TONY                            Maybe you are.

MARJORIE                    [remembering]  Oh!  That’s what I was going to say!  If you’re Tim’s brother – um, Tony – then you have connections in Hollywood.

TONY                            Did he say that?

MARJORIE                    [getting more confident]  He sounded really proud when he talked about how you were having your screenplay made by a real studio, and how he hoped it would be a big success and made you rich and famous.

TONY                            [faltering a bit] He… did?

MARJORIE                    He said it was a really good story.

TONY                            [doubting, and a bit vulnerable]  Tim said that?

MARJORIE                    Well, he’s the only one who knew he had a brother, let alone a brother who also writes for movies.  [warm]  I’m the star of Tim’s little picture.  Marjorie.  Marjorie Claremont. 

MUSIC

SCENE 8.          SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY

SOUND                          SCISSORS SNIP

BETHANY                      [crying quietly]

ROSE                             I’m so sorry I don’t have any real way to help with the pain, Aunt Bethany.  Aspirin’s no good while you’re still bleeding.  If Tim and Amaya can find Mac and bring him back with Duke or Bertie, they can probably carry you downstairs so at least you can be with everyone else.

BETHANY                      [faltering]  You’ve been so good, Rose.  If I die, will you promise to do something for me?

ROSE                             [fierce]  You’re not gonna die.  

BETHANY                      If I live until Christmas, then you won’t have to keep my secret.  But I must tell someone, now, to protect her. 

ROSE                             Protect who?

BETHANY                      [starting to fade out into sleep]  I fooled everyone.  I spent my life close to them, and they didn’t even notice. 

ROSE                             Notice what?  Who?

BETHANY                      She’ll be old enough soon.  My little gift.  Protect her.  [fades out completely on the last couple of words]

ROSE                             I’ll do whatever I can.  [sigh]  She’s out. 

MUSIC

FAKE COMMERCIAL

ANNOUNCER                We've all had one of those trips: driving carelessly through luscious countryside, enjoying the fresh air and sunshine, far away from the madding crowd... and run out of gas.

SOUND                          MUSIC TURNS DARK

ANNOUNCER                And what do you do if there's no help to be found for miles in any direction?  When the last sign of civilization you passed was hours ago, and was an ancient box truck pulled off into the tall grass, the cargo burnt beyond recognition?

SOUND                          MUSIC BRIGHTENS

ANNOUNCER                If you planned ahead, you might have a full gas can, and wouldn’t spend more than a heartbeat of inconvenience.  Farwest Aid Society for Travelers F-A-S-T  FAST! [fast effect]  Is the best friend a traveler in the Pacific has.  FAST [fast effect] won't buy you gas, but it is the backup plan for everything else.  We’re there for you when your tank runs dry.

SCENE 9.          TURRET

SOUND                          PAPER MOVES

BERTIE                          Look!  Here’s a newspaper…  Hmm… 1847.  Quite a vintage.

ZORION                        Why come so far from Europe?

BERTIE                          That is definitely a question.  And this might hold the answer.  If I don’t miss my guess, this is a journal. 

SOUND                          OLD BOOK OPENS

BERTIE                          [a bit disappointed]  Ah.  Not in English.  Italian, I think.  And such perfectly inscrutable copperplate handwriting.  Lovely sketches of some of these boxes makes me pretty sure it’s the master’s.  I’ll bring it along, and decipher it later.

ZORION                        Back, now?

BERTIE                          Oh, yes.  I can’t resist a mystery, but finding a place to wash off all this dust would be lovely as well.

ZORION                        Ah.  See?  I find string to mark way for come back, eh?

SOUND                          THEY MOVE BACK TOWARD THE DOOR

BERTIE                          All right.  [noticing something, awestruck]  Oh my!

ZORION                        What?

BERTIE                          Over the door – that glass case.  If that’s what I think it is, it’s – beyond price.  I must get a closer look before we leave.

MUSIC

SCENE 10.        BALLROOM

HILDA                            [snoring throughout, off to the side]

IDA                                I’m almost as old as Hilda there, but can I fall asleep?  Hmm?

KALEA                           Get it if you can, Ida.  I don’t think I’ll sleep ‘til I take my okole home.  Too much worry.

LULU                             I feel that way too, Kalea, but I’m exhausted as well.  It’s almost, what, 2 A.M.?

KALEA                           Something like that.

LARRY                           Closer to 3 by my watch, Lulu.  Only another 4 hours until dawn.

IDA                                “Four hours til Dawn.”  How’s that for a Marquee?

LARRY                           I think it’s been done.

SOUND                          DOORS OPEN

SOUND                          EVERYONE MOVES, STICKS READY

[NOTE                           everyone reacts vocally as well, gasp or something]

MAC                              It’s ok, it’s just Duke and me.  We’ve got Gramps with us.

SOUND                          THEY ENTER, DOOR SHUTS

MAC                              Who all’s here?  Lulu, Kalea – and you must be the actors.  [faltering just a bit]  Any… sign… of Rose?

DUKE                             Come on, Gramps, let’s getcha settled.

PAUL                             Seat me over near Hilda, would you?  I don’t know any of these other people.

DUKE                             Not even Lulu?

PAUL                             [shutting him down]  I’m tired.

DUKE                             All right.  Here ya go, feller.

SOUND                          DOOR SLAMS OPEN

AMAYA                         Come now!  Mac!  Rose needs you!

MUSIC

SCENE 11.        OUTSIDE

SOUND                          HEAVY RAIN, WIND

SOUND                          RAIN ON AN OILSKIN COAT

SOUND                          WET FOOTSTEPS

AKEMAI                         [muttering to himself]  Gotta get to her.  Rain or no rain.

SOUND                          SHAKES DOOR HANDLE, LOCKED

AKEMAI                         Locked.  [heavy sigh]  Said no come, but sound scared.

SOUND                          FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE

MUSIC

SCENE 12.        BEHIND THE WALLS

TONY                            I owe you a debt of gratitude, Marjorie Claremont.

MARJORIE                    For what?  I didn’t do anything.

TONY                            You brought me back down to earth.

MARJORIE                    Huh?

TONY                            Just listen, please.  I need to say this to someone.

MARJORIE                    Go on.

TONY                            I was… just doing little things, to upset the guy who stole credit for my screenplay.  Just trying to put him off, make him feel like the movie was bad luck.  Leaving weird notes using gramps’ orchid poetry.  Even adding a dicey photo that turned up in the office. 

MARJORIE                    Oh?

TONY                            [getting a bit choked up]  Then Joanette caught me in the trailer, and she – she wouldn’t stay quiet.  I coulda just left – come home and they’d’a never heard from me again.  But she screamed, and I panicked and held her mouth.  [sobs]  I just wanted her to shut up.  I even liked her. 

MARJORIE                    Oh.

TONY                            [plaintive]  I didn’t even realize she was dead, right away.  I thought she fainted, like ladies always do in the movies. 

MARJORIE                    Ah.

TONY                            But then… she didn’t get up.  And wasn’t breathing.  [deep sigh] 

MARJORIE                    [carefully neutral]  How awful.

TONY                            [slightly ominous]  Yes.

MUSIC

SCENE 13.        GRAMPS’ ROOM

SOUND                          PACKING A SUITCASE

GRAMPS                       I haven’t spent the last half century keeping this family together just to watch it go to blazes like this.  [as if making a list]  Beatrice can be reasoned with.  Bethany is as wobbly as aspic – can’t stand up to a slight breeze.  Tim will fall back into line when Tom is gone.  [deadnaming Lulu]  Or if I blow that disgusting mask away.  [considering]  Tony … Tony might have to take over his uncle’s place in penance.  [too pleased]  Yes.  Give him some solitary time – to think about what he’s done.

SOUND                          CLICKS THE CASE SHUT

GRAMPS                       [sigh]  I suppose I shall need to find some new servants as well.  Hmph.  Perhaps Akamai [ak-ah-mah-ee] can find some islanders who will work cheap.

MUSIC

SCENE 14.        TURRET ROOM

BERTIE                          Mm.  Let me down, now.  Gently.

SOUND                          SLIGHT SCUFFLE, FEET ON GROUND

ZORION                        [grunt]  What you see in box?

SOUND                          BERTIE DUSTS HIMSELF OFF AS HE SPEAKS

BERTIE                          I’m virtually certain that glass case is trapped, which is why I wanted to look without getting too close.  There’s definitely something odd about what looks like a pipe opening out of the back.

ZORION                        Trap guards small grey ball?  Why?

BERTIE                          I’m no expert, but taking where we are – geographically – Into consideration, I would wager that small grey ball is worth a fortune. 

ZORION                        Be clear.

BERTIE                          I think what we have here is a rare black pearl.  Very valuable, particularly considering its size.

ZORION                        Big make special?

BERTIE                          Of course.  They say pearls are the grief of an oyster, but they also can be the grief of those that covet them.  More than one noble house has been destroyed through fighting over priceless baubles like that one.

ZORION                        [exasperated]  Oh, Bertie.

MUSIC

SCENE 15.        BALLROOM

SOUND                          DOOR SLAMS

[NOTE:  MAC AND DUKE JUST LEFT TO HELP BETHANY]

LULU                             I hope aunt Bethany will be okay!

KALEA                           If anyone can get her back here safe, it’s those fellas.

LARRY                           We should have asked if they’d seen Marjorie.

CECILE                          Oh.  Yeah.  Funny, I didn’t even notice she was gone.

IDA                                [snarky]  You didn’t miss her mellifluous voice?

LULU                             We should do something about finding her.  She can’t have gone far.  Maybe a couple of us could— [cut off with a gasp]

SOUND                          LIGHTS GO OUT

[NOTE                           Everyone reacts more or less at the same time as Lulu gasps – the lights have gone out.  Anyone not mentioned just gasps]

LARRY                           [small scream]

IDA                                The lights!

CECILE                          Not this damn time! 

SOUND                          HAND SMACKS PAN

CECILE                          [growled]  Come and get it!

CARSON                        [more annoyed than scared]  What?  Hey!

HILDA                            [Moany gurgle]

KALEA                           Hush everyone!  Listen!

HILDA                            [gasping, choking]

LULU                             Someone’s killing Hilda! 

KALEA                           Get a light!

MUSIC TO CLOSING

ANNOUNCER                Could Hilda be dying, right in the middle of everyone in the pitch black ballroom?  Who might the attacker be?  And who is lurking outside in the rain, trying to find a way in?  Can Marjorie convince Tony to give her a role in his next film?  Has Bertie really found an enormous black pearl in the mysterious turret room?  Will Bethany survive her injuries?  And what is Bethany’s best Christmas gift ever?

END