explaining things

wow, i did not expect to need to take that long of a break. i’ve literally barely drawn or been home. this is gonna be a personal update. i know you guys don’t mind them and i feel like i owe you guys the source of my recent vague text posts. i wanted to wait until i was in a better place before writing this.

i broke up with my partner of 8 years at the end of last month. we worked together, lived together (and still will for a little while), there was so much complication in the situation. i’m only 25, it was my first big relationship, first big breakup. the past few weeks have been some of the most turbulent weeks of my life. don’t worry about me though, because i’m doing okay and i know that it was for the best. i have lots of people around me and a great support system.

my ex partner, who goes by ‘Hallows’ online (though he has very little social media) is who i’ve been making games with. we never really talked about the fact we were a couple, just to avoid making our personal life too public. the game was my main priority before any of my personal projects. now that we’ve split, it’s safe to say we won’t be making new games together in the future. (but we might do a re-release of Sanguine Rose at some point) it’s a huge change. you guys may know that we were in the middle of creating a small but ambitious RPG, Joystick Bliss. it’s now permanently shelved. here’s the public update on our studio patreon. it’s a shame because it was close to having a workable demo. there’s a huge amount of planning, art, writing, programming and characters that i’m fond of, but it’s just how these things work out. Hallows might continue making games solo or with other people, possibly reusing assets that he made, and also maybe in the universes we created together. i’m good with that and i wish him lots of luck. it was a painful split but we’re still on okay terms with one another, there’s no sides to be taken.

for a long time, game-dev has increasingly been a struggle for me. we finished one game, and i’m super proud, and financially it carried us for a long time. but illustration and comics are my real love. making games is very different. there’s a LOT of technical stuff that goes into it that i was learning on the spot, and i found indie game-dev with such a small team was extremely stressful. i won’t post-mortem my entire feelings on the matter out of respect for everyone involved. i had fun at times. i learned a lot. i’m relieved to focus on other things.

it means that my plans for the future have shifted dramatically. my bills will increase twofold soon, but i also have more freedom to do freelance, commissions, and post stuff here! i haven’t done commissions in maybe 4 years, so that’s going to be weird for me! my passion in life has been to make dark, lewd comics, and that’s a long term goal that hasn’t changed, but now I can really give my time to it.

i’m also thinking about moving out of the city for various reasons. not sure if i’ve had enough of this ancient crumbling apartment building, drunk people ringing my doorbell at 3AM, and the insanely expensive parking. i would love a bit more greenery where i live. i’m polyamorous, and while my love life had one earth-shattering blow–almost at the same time–it blossomed in a new way. i’m grieving and also full of hope. i feel like I’m at a crossroads again. not just with art but also personally. i'm scared, but i'm sure the future will be good. i'm gonna read the dregs at the bottom of this pea soup that I’m eating for its incomprehensible mystic wisdom. let the chips fall where they may, and all that, but i'm chasing happiness now with all of my might.

thank you all for being so patient with me and helping to support me. it genuinely means the world. <3