Don't leave me alone
Added 2018-10-24 12:29:31 +0000 UTCOctober is almost gone but my art activity is at it's lowest. But I want to talk with you about reasons which led to this and what to do in the future. It happened not because I don't have time to draw... but rather a more personal matter involved.
I have an anxiety issues. And it hurts every field of my life, including art. This month the news inside my country are especailly alarming, we have to take some risky changes in my family, I'm trying to quit my sugar addiction (eating 3-4 chocolate bars a day isn't normal. I don't want to be fat and have diabeetus) and even the mere fact that I'm not pumping out art are all put me under mental pressure.
I have time to draw, but I can't force myself to sit and draw most of this time. I can't affect on some of those factors and I want to speak exactly about my issues with patreon. As you can see, 140$ you donate me isn't a big sum. But In my country it's a rather noticible amount. And I have a fear of losing this source of income. Losing why? Because I can not fulfill my patreon promises (thus, as my brain thinks, I will upset you and you abandon me).
Why can't I fulfill my promises? Because (moment of the truth) I don't enjoy the state of things at this moment. It became a routine andit doesn't give me any inspiration. Most of my art (especially polls artworks) appear by the very end of the month only because this moment works as a deadline for me and literaly FORCES to sit and draw. It would be wrong to say that I do not enjoy drawing those artworks (I had a blast doing Nick and Judy last month for example) but that doesn't happen every time. For example exactly at this moment I have zero interest in drawing anything pregnant, yet I owe you a poll and artwork. I've stuck with commission, I can't find a good mindset and inspiration. And overall.. I don't draw the way I would like to.
There are many things I want to try, I want to draw (or not draw), but I'm too afraid to repulse you and lose the support. I feel obligated to keep doing exactly what I was doing for last months and it kills me inside. There's only 2 options for me: to become a robot and keep drawing artworks for the only reason of earning money or to radically change things, try new fields but lose your support if I, for exaple, won't make hi-res versions of pictures or my polls are formed when I want it and not by a schedule.
I hate how long it takes to draw a clean colored picture. (and If I have a commission, it would certanly take a week and will screw things on this site. Especially if it's something I can't post here because of the terms of service) I need to draw a lot for practiece. I need to draw many sketches, many linearts and flat-colored works. I'm sick of my "style" and the way I render pictures. But all those things I'm tiered of are the reason why you chose me to support.
Sometimes the idea of quitting patron and being free of "promised themes, styles and polls" feels very attractive. But I simply can't afford to do this. I feel cornered and my anxiety rises.
TL;DR - I want to stop drawing colored hi-res artworks and focus on training and sketching, but I'm way to afraid to lose your support after such changes because of my anxiety.
And I won't make a pregannt poll for this month.
Comments
There is nothing wrong with taking some time off. If this is your job then all people take a vacation from time to time. Personally if a person i support says "i need a month" i give it, if they say that and take 2 or 3 off... nope, im stopping supporting them. You need time, take it, this is a job you chose. Though at the end of the day it is a job and we are paying you... all I ask is "please keep us informed and please get better."
MCSkatCat
2018-10-24 22:34:37 +0000 UTCAs one who has dealt with depression and has a number of people in their life who struggle with depression, know this, there is nothing wrong with taking time to focus on your metal health. If you feel stressed out from trying to keep post regular on Patreon, maybe you might want to step away. I know it might suck to lose some of the income, but maybe you can reformat the page as a tip jar. As for your art, It alright if you want to try different style or subject matter, It's always better to make art for yourself from time to time. If you are worried about losing folks for drawing a certain kink, well, that a risk you may have to take. I can't speak for others, I don't kink shame, but I do have a limit on what I will or will not support kink wise. But that is to be expected of everyone. Thus far, you haven't done anything to offend me, I may not enjoy vore, pregnancy, or futa, but for everyone of those you draw, you still draw something I do enjoy. Bottom line, it okay to take a break to get back on your feet. No one will be upset with you unless they are a asshole already. IF you need time away, take it, a good sum of us will still be here.
Joedcomp
2018-10-24 21:13:52 +0000 UTCI agree as well. Take all the time needed if it will help you keep making your artwork as great as it is till now. You do a really get job in your artwork and I would hate to see any drastic changes due to mental illness.
Dopple
2018-10-24 20:02:06 +0000 UTCI'd say take a break if your need to, your stuff is really really good; and as long as you circle back to the pregnancy stuff eventually I wouldn't mind supporting you.
Bluegreydragon
2018-10-24 18:21:07 +0000 UTCIn addition to what everyone is saying, I would also suggest that you could spread out how often you focus on the full colored pictures (e.g. once or twice monthly) instead of each time, maybe focus on art that you like or sketches you want to do. I feel that a bit of your anxiety comes from wanting to please us which you do, and we don’t want you to burn out and quit the fandom. Also, Not every picture needs to be pregnant too (though I really appreciate it personally) if you don’t want to draw it. We Patreons want you to feel better about yourself so do what you need to do to help yourself, mmmkay?
BovineMage
2018-10-24 16:19:51 +0000 UTCIf you need a break to get your mental health back t ogether, totally do that! I regularly take 'mental health' vacations from work, when the stress of my job gets to me, or I just need a day or three to relax and unwind, not worry about doing anything but pamper myself. c: You are your first and foremost priority, my dude. Treat yourself and get yiourself happy again. We're more than happy to wait.
bloodclaw
2018-10-24 14:08:08 +0000 UTCThanks! I completely agree! But that's why I mentioned my anxiety, it really spoils my life. But I have to fight it!
2018-10-24 13:30:05 +0000 UTCPersonally I enjoy your work and honestly, I'm happy to keep supporting you.
Tailowking
2018-10-24 13:30:02 +0000 UTCIf you want to take some time off, then take the time off! If you want to experiment with other art styles and practice other things, then do it! If you don’t want to do monthly polls, then don’t do them. The whole point of Patreon is that we help you sustain your creativity, not you showering us with art! I’m not sure where this view falls among other patrons, but I think you should do what YOU wanna do, not what you think is expected!
Noneedtobepushy
2018-10-24 12:52:22 +0000 UTCdo you post on other sites? Like tumblr, DA, FA?
2018-10-24 12:51:20 +0000 UTCDude! at least people really love what you do. no one ever responds to me
IceMountainDragon505
2018-10-24 12:48:07 +0000 UTCIf you need to take some time off I think that's fine. I'll be supporting you regardless.
Zoldonious
2018-10-24 12:33:19 +0000 UTC
