We need new insults for people with coronavirus

We need new insults for people with coronavirus.

Grand statements about solidarity can only take you so far. You’ve said all the clever things about policy and public health. You’ve frowned at the profiteers and bought some Chinese take-out. That’s great, but it won’t last. With a bunch of sick people dragging down the economy and putting your life at risk, it’s time to fight back. We need new insults for people with coronavirus. I have some early suggestions.

Gaspers - As a respiratory infection, coronavirus makes it difficult to breathe. I feel like there are some good visceral insults we could figure out in this category.

Don’t bother going to that hospital. It’s full of gaspers and they’ll just turn you away.

Roneheads - Simple but dismissive in an aggressive, childish way.

I saw some roneheads coughing on the bus and I got off at the next stop. Not worth it.

Lickers - Implies that people seek out the coronavirus through poor hygiene choices.

My licker roommate never washes his hands and now he has the virus.

Vents - Short for medical ventilators. Could be used for severe cases.

Some guy on the news was robbing vents and caught the virus himself. Genius.

Zombies - Strangers you see in public who you must assume are infected.

The grocery store posted they got a new shipment but the place will probably be full of zombies.

Teresas - From Mother Teresa: people who get the coronavirus from doing charitable work.

Four people I know volunteered at that mobile clinic and now they are all Teresas. If they gave it to me I swear.... 

Truthers - People who are potentially infected as a result of their disbelief in the coronavirus.

I live in a retirement community and it’s all truthers here. So yeah I’m staying inside.

Droplets - Children infected with the coronavirus.

I saw some droplets all coughing on each other at the playground. Great parenting there.