I didnt want people to say I didn't try, so I did.

You may have noticed, that the billing this month was off (yay I figured out how to!)

Well, this willl be a heavier topic and I will put that further down so please consider carefully whether you want to read it. Really. I will put the financial stuff first though.

For 3rd tiers especially: I finished all requests I had in my inbox bc I didn't want to leave anything unfinished. Those, that should get a request in the next month or the month after and already have 2-3 months: If you'd like money back please just dm me your paypal email here with the amount you'd like. I wont argue with it :) I have found that's the easiest way to do things. (Also I'm sorry for not answering dms in the past few weeks I couldn't find the strength)

However, I'll only have around two maybe 3 hours left - I have asked my twin in one of my letters to her to please finish what I won't be able to.

• TRIGGERWARNlNG!!! HEAVY TOPIC!!! SERIOUSLY

I've got everything ready: My farewell letters, my organ donor card (cute little card I always carry it with my anyway). I won't get too explicit, because I don't want this explanation to be taken down in the worst case. It won't be painful either.

I didnt want people to say I didn't try, so I did. But I'm done now.

I don't know how many picked up along the way and how much I struggled the past few years. Both family and friends. I talked about my physical health a lot, which wasn't great but mental stuff I never talk about. Not even write usually. 

But I did everything you are supposed to! I went to a therapist for a good year, changed my environment, the people around me (though that's partially because I just for the life of me can't maintain relationships), now even the job. I tried. I did I really did. I'm not in pain or angry or hateful I'm just... sad... sad it didn't work out. 6 years ago I was in a similar place, but at the time drawing saved me in a way... Now I can't find any joy in that either anymore. 

I don't want to encourage ANYONE to go the path I do, I really don't. Try, like I did and I hope for you it works. I really do... 

The worst is leaving my mother. She's so mentally fragile I hope she'll be okay... I tried to meet up with some old friends from years ago, for a few weeks. Sadly, only one found time for me. I meant to write the others letters too, but... that would've been mostly for myself too.

Anyhow, I need to print the remaining letters now. If you would like to have a peek in my mind: I recommend the book "Nausea" by sartre. It was my favourite book because it made me feel like I wasn't the only one who thought a bit strangely. 

Anyhow, I'll be off now - it's been wonderful knowing all of you. 

Farewell and again, I'm terribly sorry.

Pine<3