LEGACY OF THE BLAZERS - CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Lux lost Kern as they collided with the weaklings—foot soldiers who couldn’t hold their weight and were just meant to tire them out. She didn’t even bother battling them and just let her wolves carve a path through them as she sought out her real target.

The Sloth.

Speedy, Blowhole had called him. The one who was supposed to get her Eternal Blunt after Cheese’s repeated failures. Surely he wanted a chance to finally get his grubby little claws on it, just like she wanted a chance to mash his face in. It only took her minutes to come toe-to-toe with him.

And he didn’t move a muscle. He just stood there, grinning.

Her wolves paced the area, nipping back any stuffed animal stupid enough to try and make a break for her. They were weak, but there were many of them. If she let herself get overwhelmed, Speedy would win with ease. She took a deep breath, letting the powers of her panties course through her veins and calm her down.

He just kept on grinning.

“You don’t have anything to say?” Lux said. “You swallow your own tongue?”

His gaze turned cold as he ran his claws back and forth through the dirt, digging little trenches. He looked over his left shoulder, then his right, then back at her like he was anticipating a sneak-attack, and maybe he should’ve been. She hadn’t heard a thing from Kern, and he wasn’t one to sit on his ass.

Speedy finally broke repetition, raising his claws to his mouth and chuckling.

Lux clenched her fist. “You helped destroy my home. You helped kill my family. And yet you stand here, laughing?”

She never wanted to get used to the callousness of Blowhole’s crew. Speedy chuckled even louder as that grin slinked further across his cheeks, and though Jess’ voice rang out in her head, begging her to exercise patience, Cy’s voice quickly trailed it, reminding her that it was time to start being her own person and, dammit, she was more brash than Jess.

To put it bluntly, she didn’t want to wait around—she wanted to knock his fucking teeth out.

So she charged forward, put the full weight of her power behind her punch, and aimed straight for his jaw—which she never hit as his body split in two, then three, then four. Soon she was surrounded by ten different versions of the damn sloth, all of wearing that same shit-eating grin. She threw another punch and, once again, it split in two, then three, then…

…All of their bodies changed into any old stuffed animal except for one, who remained the sloth, and once again began giggling.

As the crowd around her grew unruly, she recalled the wolves who, with a snap of her fingers, tore through them, slinging stuffing through the air. Speedy never moved, and never took his gaze off her. Whatever this trick was, he apparently thought it was foolproof. That pissed her off even further.

But, much as she hated to admit it, she had to retreat when he again began splitting his body, creating more foot soldiers for his army. If she stayed, she’d be swallowed, and she wasn’t looking to die here. Riding off the strength of her wolves, she fled in search of Kern, who she quickly found with his back against a roasting hunk of the Nightmare. He was heaving, covered in scratches—he’d done exactly what they wanted him to and tired himself out.

“You don’t scare me,” he said. “I’ve eaten pussies nastier than you!”

Two stuffed animals charged forward and with a roundhouse kick he sent them flying. Lux had to slide across the ground to avoid them. When he saw her, he actually looked relieved.

“Oh look, it’s Ms. Useless. Where have you been?”

“Off battling that sloth asshole, you dick--”

“--Right. I saw that. You were getting your ass kicked.”

“Well if you saw it, then why did you ask me--”

“--Anyway, if we stay here and fight we might as well store our brains in our asses because they’re made of shit.”

“One of the leaders of the Panty Mafia wants to run away?”

“No. Strategically evacuate.”

Only now did she notice he had gone pale as a ghost. “You know something, don’t you? Something I don’t.”

Another crowd of stuffed animals charged forward and, together, they wiped through them. Discarded limbs formed a barricade in front of them like sandbags, warning the others back. But that wouldn’t last long, and they both knew it, so they took off fled. It was easier to avoid combat while moving through the crowd than standing still.

“I don’t know what it is, but I’ll bet it came from our goddamn lab,” Kern said. “We’re always cooking up ways to beat people’s asses, and that…thing must have been one we rejected.”

“If you rejected it, there has to be some defect, right? Some weak spot?”

“Prolly the opposite,” Kern said, kicking a stuffed animal in the dick. “Only time we ever reject stuff is if we think it can kick our ass. Blowhole must’ve known that, must’ve somehow saved this one…”

“You know, for being the baddest people in Panty’s Landing, you aren’t sounding so tough right now.”

“I don’t give a shit about sounding tough,” Kern said. Then, as if to demonstrate his strength, he leaned his head back and out of his mouth he shot a beam which reduced the feathery flesh of the stuffed animals to ash. “I walk the fucking walk.”

But, almost immediately, a cut rippled across his back and he stumbled to his knees.

His powers were strong, but there was a reason he bore so many scars--they took an insane toll on his body.

He’d shown her his weakness, and though they were working together for the moment, she hadn’t forgotten that they were enemies. Hell, some part of her even wanted to exploit this moment and send her wolves after him but instead she pulled him back to his feet because they’d been found—Speedy stood in front of them, still chuckling.

“This thing’s creepier than Bon’s goddamn face,” Kern said. When Lux raised her fists, ready for another fight, he shook his head at her. “No, dumbass. Don’t you pay attention? We can’t fight it. Every punch you throw just makes it multiply faster.”

“Then how the hell are we supposed to beat it?”

“I don’t know, but until I can think of something, we need to keep running. Not every fight can be solved by just throwing your fists around.”

“Don’t talk to me like you’re mentoring me,” she said.

Instead of responding, Kern just swung his head side to side, looking for a way out. But the “walls” were closing in—grunt soldiers were swarming around them and even though they could push through, there were just too many of them. Even the wolves had retreated, rubbing their butts against her leg as they growled. She wanted to pat their heads and tell them it was all right, but…

“So what’s the plan, Kern?”

But it was clear he didn’t have anything, and clear that the blast had sucked most of his energy dry. Their saving grace came in the form of another boom, one just a few feet away from them which sent stuffed animals flying into the sky. Before either of them could even react, though, there was a flash of light in the sky, between the clouds, as Blowhole’s ship charged up another blast.

This one aimed directly at them.

Was she wrong? Did he really not give a damn whether she lived or died, or had he just gotten sick of watching Speedy take all the glory? Either way, if she stood here, she was dead no matter what—she grabbed hold of Kern, threw him on the back of one of her wolves and together they hurried away from the sloth.

Who was no longer giggling, or grinning, or even standing still. He too had taken off running, and she guessed that was because, even for as strong as he was, even he knew he couldn’t survive that. When the blast hit behind them, it sent shockwaves rippling through the ground which Lux thought were sure to shatter her bones.

Her and Kern sought cover behind a large piece of scrap metal, clinging close to each other as the flames charged past them, scorching land that had already been scorched too many times to ever be usable again. When it finally calmed down enough for Lux to look back the way they came, she saw nothing.

No stuffed animals.

No dead bodies.

No grinning sloth.

Everything had been scorched into dust.

Still she held her breath, anticipating another blast. But the ship had gone dim and just sat there, hovering in the air. They were, for the moment, safe. She let her back fall against the metal and took a deep breath.

“Jesus,” she said. “What the hell was that?”

An ear-grating buzz emanated from her the speaker of her earbud, and when she yanked it out, she saw it had automatically switched itself to speaker mode. “A little help from a friend,” an all-too familiar voice said.

“I wouldn’t call us friends unless you’re planning to put out for me.” Another familiar voice...

“I’ll crush you, furball.”

Tegan…

And Bon…?

Kern’s eyes were just as wide as hers.

END OF CHAPTER THIRTEEN