This One Person

Is it a good time to confess I have BPD and narcissistic trauma and occasional depression with rage and anxiety attacks? XD If you can relate, I'm your gal! <3

So I've been into mental health for like 3 years now, reading literature and actually  communicating with people who have similar issues, forming communities.

Idk why it's so stigmatized in every society. I honestly think I know more people with mental issues than without! I was also in contact with some people on the Spectrum, although it's not a mental illness, it's neurological difference. But honestly, almost everyone I know had depression and/or anxiety issues at least once in their lives!

Being an artist experiencing this is really tough, because I can't have stable sense of SELF by definition. If there is this one person who doesn't like what I do I immediately feel like EVERYTHING I DO IS BAD. This people-pleasing attitude runs me over like a truck T___T

All I can do is reduce it to rational arguments, like... "I also have my preferences, and not every artist fits", "People are different, they don't have to like you as well as you don't have to like everyone".

But every time I receive critique, EVEN THE ONE I ASKED FOR (yeah, this happens), I feel like nothing I perceive matters anymore. There is this one person who got it right, and all the previous positive experience doesn't exist. I can't distinguish my own perception from the one people give me, as if I didn't have my own feelings and thoughts.

I don't know why I'm writing all this, I guess I wanted to be honest, and I also feel like people should talk about the matter more often. If you have any mental issues yourself, you should know you are not alone <3 You don't have to come out in the comments or anything ^^' 

If you read this, thank you for your time! <3