I'm sorry.

first off- hi family <3 I'm really sorry for the wait on videos. I'm so beyond blessed and thankful that there are so many people on here that have stuck by me. you have no idea how much it means to me, because i know it's hard to do so when I go MIA.

there's literally so many reasons why I was so MIA on posting.. so bare with me. But i do want to tell you where I have been and what's going on in my life.

1. I had gotten the flu. It takes my body a lot of time to recover due to my medication that supresses my immune system.

2. Right after I was finally recovering from the flu, I woke up with insane, painful rashes around my eyes and cheeks. like the worst rash you could possibly imagine. the day after that, I woke up and my rash had spread over my entire face and neck. it was unbelievably painful and draining. I spent 90% of those days asleep and only waking up out of necessity or to communicate with my doctor. I found out the rashes were a flare up starting, due to of my connective tissue disease (i know that's vague, but i'm not quite ready to share about my diagnosis). I couldn't wear make up or put anything on my face (besides anything prescribed). That extreme pain and rash lasted over a week. I was put on some new meds that helped clear it up.

3. (this was a big reason why) last week I was in my fiancee's classroom, helping her get the room ready for the new school year. Sara, her mom and I were hanging up a massive map of the world on the wall. we were using Sara's industrial glue gun. It gets up to 320°F and the glue sticks are a lot stickier and stronger than your average glue gun. It runs on a literal drill battery.

As I was putting the glue on the perimeter of the map, I ran my hand over the map to flatten it... and when doing so, all the glue I had just put on was pushed out and ALL of it dripped onto my fingers. I felt it burning through multiple layers of my skin. Sara thankfully wiped some of it off (it wasn't as hot since it had been on me for awhile) to stop the burn from continuing. after soaking it in cold water, I also had to peel the rest of the glue off and let me tell you... I don't recommend.

I had burned my ring finger and my middle finger. my ring finger burn is smaller and almost a second degree burn. my middle finger burn is big and insanely deep. You can see more than 3 layers of my skin had been burned off and I was left with a deep crater.. and a huge chunk of skin missing. this burn was a deep tissue, second degree burn/potential deep tissue third degree burn.

these are the two fingers I use on my keyboard to edit, and I can't even use them for picking up a drink. BUT, i'm going to attempt to edit tonight. :) it just might take a bit longer. my ring finger will hopefully be out of the finger dressing soon, since it's smaller and not as deep. I'll still have a burn bandage on, but it'll be a lot easier for me to use that finger with just the bandage. the middle finger will probably need the dressing for a lot longer.

4. a few days ago I got the stomach flu and have been super sick and still recovering from it. I'm feeling better each day and I'm ready to at least be back and edit, even if I'm not well enough to film yet. 

Thank you all so much for your continuous support and love. 

y'all were the only thing helping me get by. I love you all so much.