Just a small life update!

I feel much better than before!!!

Well... I feel a lot of neutrality, which is better than feeling negative all the time. But I've been feeling happy more often, the negative thoughts are few and far in between now (though there are worse days than others) and... and yeah a lot of generally mid to good vibes all around! Which I'm pretty happy about!

I think my Japan trip really helped a lot. A change in atmosphere, a break from social media, getting to know local cultures and customs... getting inspos for my future work, there was a lot of good things that came out of that. It all made me want to go on more trips lmfao... but ahhh for now the schedule does not allow for it sadgely y__y (though I AM going to Germany for some work-holiday trip sometime in the next few months... ohoho)

Even after the trip, I actually tried to put more effort into bettering myself! I started to hang out with some friends more (which is a big deal when.... I'm p much a hikkikomori lmao). I had a lot of fun hanging out w some new friends as well, they're very accommodating and accepting! I do still get spikes of anxiety though in those situations (there was one time where I organized a meetup, and I said I will pay for everyone's food, so I ordered a lot, but then one friend swooped in and paid and I feel really bad for ordering a lot and was wondering whether I came across as forcing him to pay for it... I was still having a lot of fun but that anxiety gnaws at me for a few days at least sobs) But yeah, it's a process, doesn't mean I'll stop trying to become better friends w people, I just have to be able to manage those situations to a point where I can be normal about it haha

I personally think that my drawings have gotten better too! I thought I would lose my touch when I take a break from drawing. I don't really know what changed specifically? During my Japan trip, I realized I was weebing out from all the cool stuff I saw there, so maybe I was consciously (and maybe subconsciously) trying to take things that I'm interested in into my bank of inspirations.

I'm not sure if it's shining through lately, but my inspiration that changes how I draw recently are Pokemon trainer cards! I've been studying how Pokemon colors and shades their human characters, and I really like them. It's not a 1-to-1 style emulation, I just took parts of the Pokemon style that I like and try to integrate them to mine. I had this plan brewing in my mind during my trip to Japan, so as soon as I got my computer back, I morbed the heck out and just tried it out. The result is the BFs x Pokemon artwork I did a while back (I want to do another one soon aaaaa) and I'm REALLY proud of it! I decided that this is the direction I want to go to. IDK if you noticed it lately, but I've been doing more of that.

I've been thinking that my art is pretty bland and flat for so long. Maybe it started when Boyfriends was in the early stages, even. It's not something I talked about much, but having a comic like Boyfriends, which has to be updated pretty often, requires me to use a... watered-down version of my style, so that I can meet deadlines. But that watered-down version of my art seeps into my non-comic art, and as such, I started to think my artworks look pretty boring. I remember that I was pretty disappointed in myself with the banner for the season 1 finale of Boyfriends.

This is the first banner image that I made for Boyfriends. Idk if it's immediately apparent, but the style, simplicity, and colors in this artwork are pretty similar to the one featured in the comic. In this picture... there isn't a lot of color deviation, poses aren't very bland... idk, overall kinda meh.

I think my second try at the banner images was a bit better. I decided to do "more"--very marginal things that would spice up the artwork a little bit. such as shading normally not-shaded areas, having the lineart mostly in lighter colors, and then darkening it around darker areas, idk, it makes the artwork look more "full". Still, I thought a lot is missing here.

The point of this section is, I've found my art boring, especially since the start of me making Boyfriends. I never elaborated too much about it, but you've probably seen me on my anxiety tirades about why would anyone read this comic when there's nothing special about it, not the art, not the subject matter, it's all something that someone else had done better, etc.

Having my art grow better relieves me of that anxiety a bit. Not by much, since my improvement has only happened recently, but everything is making me more and more excited to draw stuff. My improvement also extends from artworks to my comics, I think. I feel like my panels are getting better too. I recently had to review a lot of the older episodes for a super secret project, and mAAAAN../...... it's hard not to cringe LMFAOOOO

But yeah, I'm prouder of my art nowadays. I think some episodes are samyang spicy, and the soft episodes will melt thru steel beams... AHHh I really can't wait to show you all the new episodes I've finished!! I just gonna get into an agreement with my publisher on when I can come back. Please be patient with us while we try to sort things out for now.

Anyway, this is a long post for a whole lotta nothing so sorry lsdkhglksdgsdg but I thought I'd write up about how much better I'm feeling currently! I wish the same to you guys too! Don't give up, work hard but not too hard!! ^p^

P.S. I wrote this under my sleep medication which made me not focus so sorry if I said anything weird I'll review this post again in the morning when I'm awake uhgsehgkg