Autistic mission goes back in time to kill the baby Big Light
Added 2025-02-25 11:00:24 +0000 UTC
Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock
A team of autistic scientists have embarked upon a secret mission to travel back in time to assassinate the baby Big Light, it has been rumoured.
In a statement released today, the anonymous collective explained that the Big Light in its current form was “simply too powerful to be murdered.”
“There is currently at least one Big Light in every building in the developed world,” the statement clarified. “We couldn’t fight it on that many fronts, even if we wanted to. We’d have to take out the entire global electrical grid - and we need that to play Minecraft.”
“To exterminate the Big Light, we unfortunately have to go right back to when it was a baby,” the statement continued. “Think that tiny adorable Pixar lamp hopping about.”
“On an emotional level, it’s really hard to remember that this innocent glass bulb could grow up to be such a hideous monster,” the statement added. “But it has to be crushed before it becomes the leading global cause of autistic meltdowns.”
The baby Big Light, which apparently has a name and everything, (Luxo Jr.), could not be reached for comment as it had been mercilessly smashed to bits.
