The Daily Tism

Ugh! Autistic person insists on containing multitudes

Added 2025-02-18 11:00:05 +0000 UTC

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

An autistic person is ruining their own life by refusing to be simple, straightforward and predictable, sources have disclosed.

Jay Chester, 35, reportedly insists on being a highly complex labyrinth of thoughts, preferences and emotions, despite it clearly being much easier to just not be.

Chester’s partner, Eli Port, 38, said: “Jay is autistic, so they like what they like. But they’re also impossible to preempt. For example, Jay loves the ocean but hates the beach, so for our first date, I took them to the aquarium. But it turns out they have really strong opinions about swordfish.”

Chester commented: “It’s very simple: I love the ocean, but I don’t want to walk over shards of broken glass to get there. Yes, sand. Whatever. Semantics.”

“I love fish, but swordfish look like they might skewer all the other fish into some sort of disgusting fish kebab,” Chester continued. “And nobody wants that.”

Port responded: “Maybe next time we could go to a lake,” before remembering that stagnant water is “ripe for mythical aquatic beasts.”