The Daily Tism

Diligent! Autistic Santa making a list and checking it at least 15 times

Added 2024-12-03 11:00:04 +0000 UTC

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

An autistic man recently appointed the latest Father Christmas has announced robust new policies to guarantee the integrity of the naughty-or-nice system.

In a statement released today, the incumbent Santa explained that while making a list and checking it twice might have been enough for his predecessor, no shade, “things are going to be a little different around here from now on.”

The statement read: “Whether a child gets a lump of coal or a Nerf Laser Ops Pro Alphapoint gun is entirely dependent on my judgment. Do you even understand how much pressure that is?”

“It’s difficult enough having to discern between regular childhood japes and moral atrocities without factoring in errors, typos, and the fact that at least 90% of the children are called Sophia or Felix.”

“Then of course there’s the anxiety that by checking the list as often as I do, I’m introducing human error.”

One of Santa’s elves, who wished to remain anonymous, commented: “We’re all very worried about Santa. Honestly at this point we’re considering slipping him a Valium and just giving each kid a tub of Elasti Plasti.”