Every Woman Has a Price - 28 - In The Black

Dude, it may be more negative than positive but it was constructive and well thought out! I can't be anything but thankful for that. I agree with the diagnosis and the advice. I've always worried about endings, I'm going to take all this to heart.

Neal Johnstone

Hmhmhm, well i like this ending. Really solid, easily your best finale so far. So please dont take it the wrong way, when i say that endings are still your kind of kryptonite. Basically all your stories begin with a good idea about how or why Protagonist X gets the girls, followed by exzellent character work during the process of "getting". The issue begins once the girls are there and part of the relationship. It seems to me as if you dont really have any "exit-strategy" for any your stories and it kind of bites you in the ass consistently (you are basically JJ Adams writing for "Lost" in that regard^^). So for example: You have started this whole conflict with the coins and this mysterious french guy. The finale however does not consist of a battle of wits between Owen and a dangerous millionair, but instead its just chaos. As much as i hate to quote those writing-tipps-101: Where is the growth in Owen? What did he actually do besides fucking a bunch of women? I get the whole theory of "Protagonist just does not have a clue", but if the protagonist does not grow or at least change (and none of your protagonists so far have actually changed, besides "accepting that a bunch of hot women want to have sex with me"), then why should I care? So as my with for Ring Toss and further stories: Find any sort of solution that actually involves the protagonist. Make him outsmart the bad guy or make him change in actual meaninfull ways or anything; otherwise it just feels random and pointless. In reality obscure and pointless events may happen, but in fiction the reader usually wants an active protagonist that actually changes his world. Aaand i just realized i wrote a lot more negative then positive. So let me just say that the only reason i have written that much is that iam real big fan of your work and i dont only want a satisfying beginning, but also a similar finale ;-)

The ages... This is 20 months after 27... 41's probably wrong for what I said about Val. I remembered 39. I'll double check the numbers. Thank you.

Neal Johnstone

Thank you very much! Endings honestly terrify me, they're the most difficult part to pull off but I'm glad you agree here. It's honestly a relief to read it. You're right about DPP being sudden It was the ending I wanted but I think the story that got me there isn't prepared for it. Janice's wounds represent costs and consequences, Brandy's DUI and Wendy's money represent Owen's ignorance of these girls, who they are, what he's stolen from them, and all of the little and big things about them.

Neal Johnstone

Minor editing note: I could have sworn that Val was previously 36-38. I have noticed this with other characters too. Their age and seems to shift between chapters.

Nick Cartwright

Very solid finish to this story. You stuck the landing which is good. Probably the most satisfying ending of your stories I’ve read so far. (DPP was a little sudden and rough). Not sure what the point was for brandy having the DUI and Janice losing her uterus but it didn’t impact the ending in a significant way so whatever.

Nick Cartwright

Thank you so much! I'm happy with the direction I took Price, and I agree, it would've been better received if finished on time, but I don't think I would've put it together as well if I had powered through it trying to bottle up the anxiety of my job loss last March. I hope you read it soon. I'll admit it needs a second pass to connect the characters endgames' to their beginnings' a bit more, but the events, the pace, and Owen, I like.

Neal Johnstone

I haven't read much of the final chapters of Price yet, but I just want to say, reading Price and DPP early was initially the reason I signed up for your Patreon, but with Hot Tub, Ring Toss, and your editor's notes for Blizzard, I've really become enamoured with your other work and I'm glad you decided to put Price on the backburner when you did. I think I might have enjoyed Price more if it had finished before you started these other stories, but ignorance is bliss; just keep up the good work, and I hope you're enjoying writing as much as I'm enjoying reading.