SakeTami
NealJohnstone
NealJohnstone

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Ring Toss - 14

Added 2021-02-09 04:00:00 +0000 UTC

Hey, I hope you're all healthy and well. Thanks to some very Canadian weather, this is going up a little later than I'd hoped, but it's good to go now, enjoy!

If you're not up to date on Ring Toss, check out the previous chapters here:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1jaJyxh99feCWYyY77VtKuhsLtxzeMWLq?usp=sharing

Thank you all for your support!

Ring Toss - 14

Comments

Ugh.... Yeah that chins one was not good. Goddammit. I got right back in there. Thanks!

Neal Johnstone

2021-02-09 20:14:02 +0000 UTC

Couple small corrections (no doubt whichever storm you're getting slammed by helped out): "She sat near vertical but her fro her ass shoved backwards." Something got cut off unless Charlotte has an afro? "I hadn’t been performing my vest. I was wearing armor, I was invincible, I didn’t need to know how to fight!" Vest may transition slightly better into the armour metaphor, but I'm pretty sure that's intended to be best. "Do you have any idea how excited I was last night before this was swept out of from under us.” I think it's just "out from under us," but I may be off base there. Whole sentence is here for context, since this should end in a question mark. "...pushed backed against my fingers." Extra ed after back. Probably the last thing you want in erotica is extra ED. "Goddammt" Not sure if this is intentional or not, in the context of Charlotte being on the edge and out of breath it seems possible but there's probably a better way to portray that so I'm assuming typo. "A drip of aromatic sex ran down to Deanne’s chins" Once again, very minor typo that I usually miss or don't bother mentioning, but accidentally evoking images of a double chin in a sex scene is worth correction.

2021-02-09 04:51:14 +0000 UTC

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