Chapter 238: Dinner IV

"Oh, boy. DeDe." Jay faked a reaction when he saw her (he had been warned beforehand).

"Hi, Jay. Gloria." DeDe greeted with a forced smile.

"What is she doing here?" Gloria’s voice carried both surprise and irritation.

"What does she mean, 'what is she doing here?'" DeDe looked at her son, clearly puzzled. "Mitchell told you I'd be here."

"Yes, I thought everyone had been informed," Gramma chimed in, just to stir the pot.

"Lies!" Gloria snapped.

"I couldn't tell Gloria because she wouldn’t come." Mitchell tried to explain to his mom, then he turned to his stepmom. "Gloria, my mom wants to apologize for everything."

"So you just spring it on Gloria like this? Mitchell, what the hell is wrong with you?" Jay scolded.

The old fox sure has no shame…

"I don't want her apologies. Jay, Manny, let's go." Gloria declared, already pulling them toward the door.

"Oh, wait, wait, Gloria." DeDe lifted her hand, stopping her. "I just want to tell you how sorry I am for ruining your wedding. I was struggling with being alone. 

Meanwhile, Jay moves on so easily. And—not with just anyone—with a… young and smart and beautiful woman."

"Don’t forget hot, sexy, stunning, magnetic, captivating, charismatic, flawless, radiant…" I added.

All eyes shifted toward me. Scarlett pinched my waist.

"What? I just want to help DeDe with her apology," I defended myself.

"Cough, lies, cough," Paige muttered beside me.

"Stop adding fuel to the fire…" Scarlett whispered.

Then DeDe continued, ignoring my stunt, "I don't expect you to forgive me. If I were you, I'd want to punch me right in the mouth."

"Dew it!" I encouraged Gloria, doing my best Palpatine impression (not that anyone would understand, since Episode III was still far from release).

I got pinched again, from multiple directions this time. These mean girls…

But after glancing at Manny (who had marker doodles on his face, making him look like he had a ridiculous beard), Gloria sighed and remarked, "I think we've had enough revenge in this family for one day."

"Oh, okay. Y-y-you see?" Mitchell jumped back in, relieved. "Yeah, we're all gonna move past this. And because of me, who’s not a mama's boy, but is a caring person with wisdom and emotional insight." Then he added, "So make a note, bitches," looking at Claire.

"That’s not a good color on you," Cam murmured next to him.

"I forgive you." Gloria stated, staring directly at DeDe.

"Oh. Wow. I am not prepared for this." DeDe admitted, disoriented, stepping closer to Gloria, but suddenly shouted, "I just—I want to rip your head off!" She lunged at her.

"Vieja loca!" Gloria screamed back.

The two women grabbed at each other and started fighting.

"Come on, Glo…" I was about to cheer when Scarlett’s hand clamped over my mouth.

"I got Gloria! I got Gloria! I got Gloria!" Phil yelled as he pulled Gloria to one side, while Cam and Mitchell dragged DeDe to the other.

Jay exclaimed exasperatedly, "All right, all right, all right. Stop it, the two of you! 

Gloria didn’t steal me, DeDe, and you know it. We grew apart for years. And you left to find yourself, remember?"

"I thought I could handle this. I'm so sorry." DeDe confessed, breaking down.

"You don't say 'sorry' anymore! That word means nothing in your mouth!" Gloria shot back, trying to lunge again, but Phil held her back.

"I don't know what just happened." DeDe muttered.

"I do." Dylan spoke suddenly.

We all turned toward him.

"I mean, it seems pretty simple to me. You're reaching out, trying to hold on to something awesome." Dylan explained.

"Um, maybe—maybe you shouldn’t." Haley tried to stop him.

But Dylan continued with his explanation, "Look, I’m not used to this, the whole big-family thing. In my house, we don’t even talk to each other.

The first time I saw Haley, I knew I liked her. I mean, she’s beautiful and everything, but it’s—not just that. It’s that she’s got this killer confidence—you know, the kind of confidence that you get from having a family like this."

And he finished, "A family that’s passionate and accepting of hot foreigners, gay dudes, rich people, and nutty woman—you know, a family that actually loves each other."

"I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but I’m starting to like him." Claire admitted reluctantly.

"He’s perfect." Phil murmured emotionally next to her.

"Everybody, Haley says that Dylan is a musician, and he writes some great songs." Claire announced.

"Play something, bro." Phil encouraged.

"Well, I guess I can, if you want me to. This is actually a song I wrote for Haley. It’s called 'In the Moonlight.'" Dylan revealed, pulling his guitar from the case.

"Hey kid, they’re taking your spot." Uncle Charlie smirked at me.

I licked Scarlett’s hand, making her finally remove it from my mouth. She wiped her hand on my shirt.

"Well, I don’t mind sharing the stage once in a while," I replied, unfazed.

Dylan began to sing,

♪The stars are falling from the sky

And you're the reason why

The moon is shining on your face

And I finally think it's found its place

'Cause maybe, baby

I just wanna do you, do you

Do you wanna do me, do me♪

Underneath the moonlight, the moonlight tonight?♪

I buried my face in Lettie’s shoulder, stifling laughter, while all the adults stared awkwardly at Dylan. Uncle Charlie and Gramma were also holding back laughter.

♪Baby, or maybe

Maybe I will steal you, steal you

Just so I can feel you, feel you

Maybe that would heal you, heal you

On the inside♪

When he finished, the atmosphere was painfully awkward.

Uncle Charlie leaned toward me and whispered, "That boy has more balls than you, Jake. Singing that in front of her whole family."

I snorted, "That he does. Especially if we count the two marble balls rolling around inside his head..."