SaraManganeseASMR

tears, parents, singing + misc - rollercoaster personal vid

Added 2024-02-11 05:21:58 +0000 UTC

this was initially a much longer video and I ended up cutting half of it out, it was a lot of kind of crying, and negative talk. I want to acknowledge that cutting it out isn't me pretending it doesn't exist and thinking I should be embarrassed and hide it, its just, I get to decide what energy I want to create and bring to this space, and I choose and want to create a space of bare minimum - positivity, but still keep it real, raw and open. its just to a certain extent. also, I feel a bit better now, so I dont want to set that image in stone of me, as im constantly changing every day! and am not who I was or how I felt yesterday. but I acknowledge it nonetheless. there's a lot going on in this video lol. u may notice my mood changes a lot when my parents enter, with my dad I feel so emotional because I see a pain in his eyes when he sees me like this, he wonders what's happened to me but he's not good with emotion and cannot have this conversation with me, and my mum makes me deeply uncomfortable BECAUSE I love her and she loves me so much, as u can see she's always trying to fix my pillow, offer me food, tell me she loves me constantly and intensely, and thats beautiful its wonderful. but I feel so disgusted with myself when she does this because I dont feel deserving and it ultimately makes me feel just totally weird and confused inside when she's so nice to me, its hard to explain. anyways. here u go lol. also my hand got wayyyy worse after and indeed infected. shall I attach images for those who wanna see? lool ( btw that’s sudocream on my chin in the beginning lol 😙 )

I will timestamp this in a second and also upload the music bit again to the music collection..

love