Chapter 83: An Eternal Memory.

Docs: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1l_PWo1qQ6ifTZN5WuD7WDorYnlolcIGiSbZUrxVDKbc/edit?usp=drive_link

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In the darkness of my mind, I coped with the wrathful pain and the burning rage. I shut away the outside world as I meditated, and in that emptiness I found a shining star that wasn't there before. 

I touched the memory core beside my spine. It was there to store all my memories and the necessary information about myself. It was a database that I instinctually knew how to access, but it was still difficult to find anything specific, and the process irritated me the longer it went on as my mind continued to fray at the seams. Like ants crawling across my skin and biting across every inch of my innards, the burning sensation shone brighter in my mind, and the wrath intensified as if in chorus. I wished to spring to my feet and open my eyes to this abhorrent world, whereupon I shall bring about its downfall.

I forced my eyes to remain shut as the throbbing in my head continued. I remained in that excruciating state of limbo until I finally found that which I sought. I dredged up the memories of the childhood that I cherished. I recalled the faces of my friends and family, and all the good times that we've had. I remembered in vivid detail that kiss that I and Moonwash shared upon the skies.

Those thoughts brought me some solace, as the hell that was now my existence continued. The first order of business was to obtain some stability, so that I may exist normally, and without the need to constantly be on alert. That sort of stress would only exacerbate my issues further, what I needed was the numbness and acceptance that only came through time. Engaging with those issues directly would hopefully vastly hasten the process.

Time passed in that meditative haze, as I worked on building the aforementioned stability which I needed. My family, Moonwash, and everyone else would come to visit me periodically, but they were only there to offer their silent support, and make sure that I was taking care of myself. A bed was dragged all the way down here, a shower was made for me to keep clean, and fresh food was delivered on a regular basis. I felt their warmth every time I used or consumed any of these amenities, and that made things just that little bit easier.

Gradually, through weeks and months, I calmed. Moonwash was right in that I had put myself through rigorous operations before to become the demon that I wanted. It was unimaginably painful, and my body rebelled against the danger, but I took that pain and fucking conquered it for my own designs.

I was able to overcome my fear and my instincts before, and I could do it again.

But even then, Moonwash only got half the story. I had only told her about what it felt physically, but I neglected to mention just how much more taxing it was to my emotions. To be hated by the world, for as much as I hated it back, was still painful. My body rebelled against me, with demonhood so painfully out of reach. Every rejection of my desires only fueled that need. I died for my eventual and final success.

…Come to think of it, it’s funny how I didn’t feel that way this time despite having been reborn as a human baby. I still vehemently wished to become a demon, of course, but having people who loved and supported me made all the difference. I was able to bide my time and wait without being in constant despair.

It’s truly ironic how the people that wished to stop me from exercising my fucking freedom back on Earth only made everything so much more urgent. 

I opened my eyes to see a world so beautiful and bright, even under the darkness of my basement, and the deeper abyss of my mind. I smiled as I burned in my own skin, no matter how cold the environment outside may be. A very simple madness continued to slam into my mind over and over, each hit trying to pull me closer into a final mindless rampage. The people who I once called my parents in a life long past would be happy, for I now lived the true agony of hell that they always wanted for me. 

But now I understand.

The imaginary burning sensation that I felt exceeded that of any sort of mundane fire, for I too was made of the flesh that the infernal magic both despised and desired. Those same desires were then imparted upon my psyche, for the magic was mine, and it suffused my blood. It asked me who I wished to burn, and it was delighted at my answers.

That was the first piece of the puzzle.

The second piece was my wrath mana. It sought to destroy, and it hated all, but certainly not equally. My own thoughts, my own experiences, could very easily influence what I hated more. 

I was not found lacking in those manner of thoughts and experiences.

Together, the wrath and the infernal flames created a dangerous combination, as they embraced and intertwined and became all about the destruction of the same targets. 

“There are two wolves inside of me…” I laughed at my own joke, alone in my mother’s basement. I dug deep inside of me, and brought forth the aforementioned elements.

Infernal mana in my right hand, wrath magic in the other. My thoughts split and then rejoined, resulting in the manifestation of both elements in realspace.

My eyes glimmered in delight as I stared at the flickering sickly bright orange fire and the erratic dark-purple energy. To use two elements at once was an advanced technique difficult for most mages, but here I had already succeeded in implementing it for my two new magical elements. Perhaps it was due to new instincts that came with my two new hearts, perhaps it was the simple boost from the magic being mine, or maybe it was a mere byproduct of being exposed to these mana types 24/7. There were so many potential reasons for my success, but they all meant the same thing. That I was fucking awesome. 

I couldn’t wait to talk to Moonwash about all these theories… among other things. 

[Wrath Heart has reached Level 22.]

[Infernal Heart has reached Level 15.]

[Memory Core has reached Level 12.]

[Extradimension Demon Blood Storage has reached Level 11.]

[Mana-infused Blood Has Reached Level 21.]

[Demon Brain has reached Level 22.]

[Demon Skin has reached Level 21.]

~~~

I climbed out of my cave with heavy hopeful steps. My mind had found peace in the constant turmoil by now, and I couldn’t wait to put my newfound powers to proper use, but before I could even think of doing any of that, I must first re-acquaint myself with the people who had supported me all this time. I was finally well enough to party without risking any of their safety!

“Oh? The hermit finally leaves her cave?” Therick asked with a grin.

“Haell! We’ve missed you!” Angerly raised her mug in a toast.

“I’ve missed her the most,” Moonwash confidently stated, and I knew it was true despite her having spent the most time with me out of anyone in my months of seclusion. We just saw each other this morning!

“Good to have you back, Haell!” Granuel shouted. “We’ve got so much to catch up on. I’ve already got most of our caravan going!”

Ouch. I did kind of bail on them with that. The surge of wrath and annoyance at the comment didn’t even show on my face.

“Yeah. We need to talk about that later,” I stated and took a seat. The dam of questions broke, and they asked me all they could about my experiences from the past few months. I answered their burning queries, speaking of the hardships, but also the good that helped me pull through.

I didn’t know how long it would have taken to get to this point on my own, for time might be able to bury all wounds, and emotions would grow calloused with every deep stab of pain, but it was love that had pulled me from the brink, and their support was what finally allowed me to heal.

“Thank you,” I finished, at the same time that I reduced a boar leg into bone.

“You’re very welcome,” Moonwash easily replied, and everyone else threw in their agreements and congratulations after.

“I don’t think I would’ve been able to do any of that!” Angerly exclaimed in awe. “I’ll just rampage and rage!”

“I don’t have any illusions that I can either.” Therick gave me a respectful look. “You really are amazing, you know that? Are you… even sure you need us?”

I raised a brow. “Need you? What do you mean? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Well, yeah. But I mean you were already so much stronger than us before your evolution, and that hasn’t changed much in the months you were gone. Why even party up with us as adventurers?”

“I did say I’d probably take on some quests on my own.” I shrugged. “But don’t worry. Of course you matter. Otherwise, all armies would just be level 40s and no one else. All it means is that the range of missions suitable for us will change.”

“Oooh you mean like large-scale engagements?” Granuel asked.

“Among other things.” I smiled. “I’m sure you can come up with a plan.”

“Oh yeah, I will!” The ishkawtan man immediately fumbled for a pencil and paper. 

The conversation circled back to my abilities, and I just had to show off how I could use the infernal and wrath mana at the same time. I still couldn’t use them to the full potential of using only one, but that was true for even my mother with her capability to use so many different kinds of mana simultaneously.

At some point, my parents along with my grandfather arrived. They cheered at my performance as I took advantage of the high ceiling of the house and flew. The rest of the Piss Hunters followed as they had somehow gotten word of my reemergence too. Our little gathering turned into a full party, with dancing, singing, and a whole load of beer. My constitution had been vastly improved, but so were the sources of alcohol, and I had to stop before I actually got drunk. It’d usually be good fun, but I didn’t want to risk going on a rampage because of it just yet. I didn’t know if I ever should.

At some point, Moonwash had taken me aside, and she gave me a beautiful flowing dress of varying violet hues fit for my now larger size. My lips quivered, and I allowed myself to cry as I held the thing. I mumbled a thank you to the woman that I loved, and then I hugged her tight.

I changed in my own room, and I did my own makeup before I stepped back outside.

Moonwash stared at me. She held my gaze for an entire minutes, like she never wished to ever look away. “You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you.” My smile in that moment was so genuine, it made everything else feel fake. “You’re beautiful too. I’d love to see you dress up as well. If only you want to, of course!”

“I see. I’ve always loved seeing you and other people in beautiful clothing, and I love making them, but I never really thought much of wearing them myself. But I’m not opposed. It sounds like it could be fun.”

“It is,” I confirmed. There was a lull in the conversation, but it was not awkward. The air was light and dreamy even as we just stared at each other’s eyes.

My thoughts were clear, and my three hearts beat in a steady rhythm. This time, I was ready. 

“I love you, Moonwash,” I said with all the clarity and perspective that my recent experiences had brought. The words were heavy with so much emotion, yet they flowed so easily at the same time. 

I gulped. Nervous rivulets of sweat laced with two dangerous types of mana flowed from my skin as I nervously awaited her answer. My hearts pounded faster, their rhythm now disjointed and erratic.

It was stupid. Moonwash was the one who’d asked me out in the first place, and she’d reaffirmed many times that she still felt the same way. But my hands still fidgeted, and I could hardly keep myself from bouncing around in a fit of nerves.

“I love you too,” her answer remained the same. They were delivered with that same monotone voice. It lifted the weight of an entire mountain off my shoulder.

I almost collapsed to my knees, but I supported myself by grabbing onto the woman that I loved instead. 

“I love you,” I reiterated as I pulled her into an embrace. “Will you be my girlfriend, Moonwash?”

“Yes,” she replied, and closed that final inch that separated our lips.

~~~

We were practically glued to each other for the rest of the party, and I felt happiness greater than anything else life could bring. 

“We’re dating now!” I announced, and all hell broke loose. Of course my Harvester friends were the first in line.

“Finally!”

“Haell why’d you wait this long!?”

“Congrats!! Leave the venue all to me!”

“Granuel, we’re not getting married… yet…!” I complained. “Maybe. I don’t know. I never really thought much about marriage. We’re already together, aren’t we?”

“As long as we are together, I’m happy,” Moonwash affirmed. “But I am interested in setting up a venue, and I do want to get married someday. I don’t care for it to be legal, or be presided by a proper priest, but Luine and Salaire would always talk about how such a nice celebration it was of their love. I want that too, if you are up for it.”

Sounds like something we would need to talk about in greater detail.

“I’m not opposed,” I squeezed her hand. “The way you described it sounds very nice. I think I might love the experience too, if it’s with you.”

“I like the ceremonies!” Mom declared. “But it’s certainly not necessary. It’s all up to you two, Haell!” My mother then got a brilliant idea. “I’d love to at least have a painting of this moment though!” She rushed so fast to the second basement to grab her tools that I was barely able to mutter my assent.

“Oooh! Let me set the stage!” Elfrafim took out a few wands, and Baston joined her in creating a throne out of plants. I ended up lending Moonwash one of my older dresses, so she’d look fancier for the painting. I made sure she was fine with it of course, and my girlfriend told me that she’d love for the piece of art to be as good as it could be.

Today was a fun and lovely memory that I and Moonwash would carry to eternity.

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See, I told you I wouldn’t make you wait long! I will not drag things out!

Well. There you go. A chapter later, and Haell is back to a… functional state. And the ship sailed in the same chapter too!

Tell me what you think. I hope this didn’t take too long. It just didn’t make sense for Haell to immediately agree to a relationship all those years ago. But I didn’t want to make a will-they-wont-they plotline either!

Romance really is the one aspect I’m least confident about writing in this story. But the plot demanded for it to happen, so I did my level best.

Sweats in next chapter.