Username Change

January 12th was my 30th birthday, so it seemed appropriate for a large announcement:

>>>I am no longer using the name "CanineHybrid" for myself online<<<

• If you want to keep up with my business, art, & costumes, please follow me across the great span of the internets as @Mythimorph
• If you want to keep up with my personal life, you may follow me as @andraconix
• (This goes for in-general, not specifically referring to Patreon here, as I'm putting the username change announcement pretty much everywhere)
  

All my old CanineHybrid accounts will remain online, but will become significantly less active. I likely won't see new messages nor respond timely, if at all, as they'll be checked sparingly. I might use the older accounts to help promote things if I need a larger amount of people to see something or to make announcements, but most of my online activity will be moving away from using them from now on.

For now, andraconix is an unlocked account (on Twitter). However more personal things/opinions will be shared there, which I previously did not voice at all under CanineHybrid. My intention before was to be rather neutral about everything. It was a weird hybrid of being a "personal yet professional" account, which... didn't really work. I focused on caring too much about what other people might think of me, not stating an opinion on anything, not sharing a whole lot of my thoughts & experiences, in fear that I would alienate people who might disagree. I wanted people to like me. I would "like" other people's posts & opinions that I agreed with, but almost never shared/retweeted them. It ultimately felt fake & disingenuous to treat myself as a brand online instead of treating myself as a person.

Patreon will continue to offer an outlet to connect to both my art & personal life, kind of the only place where there will remain a lot of this overlap, including more exclusive opportunities to chat/voice/video on Telegram & Discord with me & my other Patreon supporters. I would like to work to build a stronger little community of sharing inspiration & projects this year.

Why this change?

Plenty of reasons. Most importantly I have grown a lot in 12 years; am not the exact same person I was at age 18 (thank the stars). The era of "CanineHybrid" got me to where I am, but it is time to move forward & refresh my relationship with the internet & myself.

"CanineHybrid" has unfortunately left me battling imposter syndrome & poor motivation for a long while. Feelings of unfulfillment, disconnection, guilt, & doubt haunted me... giving me a weakened sense of self. Most of this was created by interactions with the online world but many were also compounded or started by problematic relationships. I've been a victim of gaslighting which caused me to not trust myself & my ability to make my own decisions. I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing.

Being single this past year has been one of the few opportunities I've had in my adult life to really spend time on myself & explore what it means to be me & what I want. My creative output had really suffered for a long time as I'm sure those who have been patrons or following me/my work for awhile have noticed. There has been a lot going on behind the scenes internally, but thankfully I am not alone in dealing with all this. I strive to feel more empowered in my life.

@andraconix will now represent who I am, what I'm about, & where I'm going on my life's journey.

Thank you all for being part of this journey so far!

So, why the name "andraconix"?

On "bisexual visibility day" (Sep 23, 2019) to join in on the chatter, I wrote a Twitter thread about general confusion over my gender identity, labels, & sexuality. It was one of the rare moments I shared something so personal on my "CanineHybrid" account. One could say I was dying to have a conversation with the world about how I was feeling.

At the end of the tweet I just said that this shit was complicated, can I just be a dragon instead & not worry about this label crap? Then I half joked that my identity label should just be "andragoness" from combing the words androgynous & dragon together.

Well, that concept stuck with me ever since.

I considered just making my new username "andragoness", but a) it was taken on Twitter, & b) it visually didn't have the right effect for me to fall in love with... it could also be read as "an dragoness" too easily, like some kind of broken English. After a huge list of name possibilities along a similar vein to this, finding a good one that was not taken, & not looking too much like word soup being hard type/say/recall, I finally came up with a new one.

I decided my new username will be andraconix.

The Etymology/Symbolism of "andraconix"

So the prefix "andra-" is an alternate form of the Greek word andro. It represents human, but also masculinity or simply the word "man". I also like andra because ending a word with an 'A' has a stronger female connotation over ending a word in 'O'. It gives a masculine word more of a female attribute, which I like the concept of. Starting a word with the letter 'A' also means it's normally listed first or higher when sorted alphabetically & I like standing out or being on top. ;p

"Andra" is combined into sharing the beginning of the word "draco", which is of course Latin & comes from the Ancient Greek word for dragon. Pretty straightforward.

However, there is another significant word that I relate with that follows the same format of starting with the prefix to mean "man" & is then followed by an animal word: "werewolf".

Were/wer- is a prefix that also just means "man" same as andro/andra-, but this one is in Old English & the cultural significance of this version is now assigned to shapeshifters. So "andraconix" is a slight nod to this concept of formatting a word similarly, just using Greek instead of Old English & smooshing it together. The concept of animal transformation plays a humongous role in my life & art; I wanted a way to pay tribute to this even if it was very subtle.

The ending "-nix" or "-ix" has a bit more of a story behind it:

One part is a nod to the word "phoenix" indicating rebirth or renewal, which is of course what my new name's purpose is intended to provide to me.

It's also meant to be a shortened form that actually comes from the suffix "-trix" to designate something as what's called a female agency noun... the most commonly known example of this is the word dominatrix as the female-specific form of dominator. While I'm not using the whole of the suffix to truly provide the female element to my name, it's more about the way the word sounds in this case.

Technically one could have used the more common & feminine "-ess" ending to create "dominatress", but the idea to instead use a suffix to indicate "agency in female form" has, like, a POWER behind it ya know? To me personally, a word ending in "-ix" feels like it was intended to have a similar "feminine sounding ending" as "-ess"... but with a harder, edgy feel & not quite as soft & delicate. I just like the sense of the feminine power "-ix" brings with this association & sound.  If I tried using "andraconess" it has similar visual problems that andragoness did, & it's also a longer word; shorter is overall better for use online.

Plus "-ix" it just makes my made-up bullshit word look neat 👍.

Lastly, from an overall auditory standpoint & the intention of the pronunciation, it also contains the same sound as how you would say the word draconic, which is of course a word that just means "dragon-like" or "of dragons". So if you're not sure how to say it aloud, think of adding an 'S' to the end of the word draconic.

"Andraconix" is pronounced: AN-DRA-CON-ICKS

So in summary, I have qualities of both masculine & feminine. I have a strong affinity with the concept of shapeshifting: identifying with both humanity & "inhumanity". Part of me is human & part of me is draconic-inspired.

Thus: andraconix.
Yes, I thought an awful lot about this. 

So, what exactly do you identify as now for sex/gender/pronoun/orientation/fursona/name?

Sex: Female

I am AFAB, that's "assigned female at birth", & I will always have a female-shaped body with a traditionally-accepted female anatomy & female reproductive organs. (Because of course, people really want to know what's in your pants.) For all intents and purposes my sex is labeled "female". It took me a long time, but I finally made peace with my physical body... (not that I wouldn't prefer to be a dragon/ability to transform between both though). I did have a much-needed breast reduction when I was 21 & it was just about the best gift I ever gave myself. I finally have some real body positivity now; I've only really gained it over the past few years, a lot thanks to some positive reinforcement from peers. I'm not afraid to showcase, accent, and work with my body through self-expression.

Gender: Androgyne (a form of "non-binary", often shortened to "enby" [nb*])

I have generally just cited I'm cis female (for those not familiar with the term, that is to say I was assigned female at birth & identify as female, that both sex & gender have matched since the day I was born... ya know, being a "normal person" in society), but have been questioning that idea & have been at least some flavor of non-binary curious for quite awhile because I relate strongly to so many concepts & interests that are usually "assigned to" masculinity, despite being a woman. I was never a stereotypical female & strongly rejected anything that exemplified that idea, like dresses, makeup, etc. most of my life. My first several original characters, self-inserts, & early concepts of "fursonas" before I discovered the furry fandom were actually all males. I was definitely a tomboy & I didn't really grow out of that.

But I'm not "trans" (ie. transgender: assigned gender not matching sex; I do not feel like I should have been born male nor desire to be male instead of female). Within the non-binary umbrella, I do not feel like the concepts of the turbulence in "genderfluid" (fluctuating between identifying/expressing as more than one gender) nor the idea of "agender" (having a lack of gender) fits at all. I've just always been "me" & didn't have a way or word to really describe that properly.

"Me" is simply not very feminine, but "me" is not really all that masculine either, & it's certainly not neither. It is a little of both (not necessarily 50/50). Some maleness has always been present in my femaleness my whole life & shows up more in different areas. Therefore I've decided androgyne as a gender identity resonates with me best, because I feel both of the binary gender concepts are an important part that contribute to who I am. On a sliding scale of hyper feminine on one end & hyper masculine on the other, I'm much closer to that middle overall.

I happen to also appear fairly androgynous in my overall style/dress & have always been drawn to this look in others as well. The style I've been rolling with for the past several years is the one I like best thus far so I'm not looking to change that expression now to validate my gender or something. I'm still the same person as I was yesterday; all I did was attach a label to myself that communicates the idea that I'm not a "stereotypically feminine woman" where I didn't previously have a word to describe the thing that's always been there. Being a tomboy is the closet concept that most people would be familiar with & implies a very similar thing to me calling myself androgyne. I otherwise am comfortable referring to myself as a girl/woman/female/daughter in general, especially since that's completely accurate to describe my physical sex. Besides, there is a distinct lack of gender-neutral terminology in the English language & I'm not "no gender", so I don't have any personal preference or requirement to be referred to as anything different than previously but will certainly accept gender-neutral forms of being addressed. This is all just for me to better internalize & put to words how I feel in the quest for empowerment.

So just like how the etymology of the word androgynous showcases both masculine & feminine attributes in its construction (andro=man, gyno=woman), "andraconix" effectively intends to capture the concept of trying to describe/explain both gender identity (my mind/sense of self) & fursona (my idealized, non-human form) together in one concept; borrowing the inspiration from the original idea that sparked all this of an "androgynous dragon".

*[Super side note, "nb" is an acronym for non-binary but it can also be used to mean "non-black", so "enby" is preferred by many to refer to the former, as it's simply a phonetic pronunciation of the initialism. Both are commonly used]

Pronouns: She/Her or They/Them (no preference)

Honestly I'd be happy with any pronoun, as they are all correct to refer to me in some form. Never had much need for personal validation for myself being called a gender-indicating word, not that my concept of gender was every very clear to begin with. You can call me anything you want; don't have to think about it or correct yourself for "getting it wrong"... because you can't get it wrong. It just might really confuse other people if you wanted to call me he/him but somehow it doesn't bother me at all. I always kind of secretly enjoyed being accidentally called "sir", & also have always disliked the sound of the word "ma'm", so I just call everyone "dude" (which I know not everyone is okay with, as it has a more masculine association, but it's my favorite gender-neutral form of addressing someone).

Orientation: Pansexual (also, Grey-Ace)

As of June/pride month this year, I decided to embrace the label of Pansexual for myself. I subscribe to the definition as "attraction regardless of gender" (as opposed to the alternate definition: "attraction to all genders"). Slight difference, but I like how the first definition separates attraction from gender labels, so it focuses more on individuals, is more inclusive of other's identities, & fits my experience better.

Within that, I still have some physical preferences like anyone, of course. Most of my practical experience has been with cis males, but I've learned that just because I have a female body & my partners either identify &/or have male bodies, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm actually "straight" because I now don't also identity as strictly female in gender.

For example, what if I found someone who was trans-masculine (assigned female at birth but identified as male) sexually attractive? (I have learned I do find many things attractive about both masculine & feminine physiology). By definition I would be interested in a man & this would be seen as "straight" except their anatomy may not "match" & one could consider me queer on those grounds. Some may argue you can't change your sex (I don't agree) but even if my partner got a gender reassignment surgery to reflect a physical change, that still isn't being "pure straight" in the eyes of most of society. Or what if I dated someone like me, another androgyne, regardless of their sex? How do you properly classify this?

If I am identifying my gender as androgyne, looking at the orientation labels in terms of gender attraction instead of attraction to physical sex, "heterosexual" in my case would more closely mean an attraction to agender people/those who are "neither gender" (since I am in at least some form of being opposite as "both gender"). That means "homosexual" in this case would be more like an attraction to other androgynes/non-binaries exclusively. Therefore these terms now exclude everyone who is cis gender as a possible attraction for me, which is incorrect. That's as good of a reason as any to use a different word to describe my sexuality now.

The term "bisexual" has too much of a connotation to the binary concept of gender to feel "right" to me with the variety that exists now. That label means attraction to "two or more genders" (which is the modern definition, it's not really used to mean "both men & women" now exclusively) but it's a term that's much more socially acceptable/understood than pansexual is & are very similar. Either label does work to describe me, though I have to argue I'm not really attracted to "genders" themselves because they're just concepts of self-expression. I can find people's minds "sexy" but my attraction expands to more than that.

The real point is I find myself attracted to all sorts of different people for whoever they are, regardless of what gender they call themselves or have between their legs. Am I "coming out as gay" here? I guess you can see it that way... it's more like I've made an observation that I can find a much wider variety of attributes in people attractive than I used to; I have a desire to be more accommodating of other's & my own identities as it relates to the subject. I have yet to explore too much variety, but I'm rather open to it or curious.

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Grey-Ace/Gray-Ace (I just like the British spelling okay?) is a form of asexuality, with me being in the "grey area" between sexual & non-sexual. I used to be very "ace" (which is the shortened slang form of asexual) till I was about 24, then I finally found I was capable of experiencing positive sexuality in very specific circumstances & subscribed to demisexuality (that is primarily defined as a need for establishing an emotional attachment first).

Now I don't require the emotional attachment anymore to experience it (though it certainly helps make it better) & I can be very sexual in the right circumstances so I'm at least capable of that now, but I don't quite consider myself a "sexual person" by default. I'm somewhere in the void. It's also known as asexual-ish or sexual-ish, or by the term "greysexual". I may have started on the extreme end of non-sexual, but over the past decade I have slowly (& sometimes rapidly) been finding myself sliding the other way toward the more sexual side. So we'll see if within another decade I still find myself remaining on the ace side or not. Ace used to be a BIG part of my identity, & now it's a very small part.

Fursona: Tusaris the draconic shapeshifter

Tusaris is intended to be the non-human expression of me. That's really the definition of a fursona. (Scalesona?) She has the same sex, same gender, same orientation, same interests, same hopes & dreams, same skills as I do, heck even the same physical features (in human form she looks exactly like me/is me).

But she is also more than me (an idealized form). She is more physically capable, naturally, from being a different species that can fly & all. She has the ability to shapeshift between her natural dragon form & human form, including an "in-between" form as an anthropomorphic expression than varies from standing at my human height (5ft 6in) to full dragon height (9ft, the equivalent of the dragon form standing on hind legs). This anthro form is by default very androgynous in appearance, but she has what I call "shapeshifter perks": she naturally has female genitalia like I do but she could showcase mammalian female breasts in her half-dragon state as well... or even endow herself with male genitalia if desired a more masculine expression. She's very flexible for the use of showcasing & exploring different aspects of my real self & of my ideal self. Her human form also goes by the name of Riley. You can see her older refsheet.net profile here. (However this link will soon move to my andraconix account).

Name: Riley

You could call me andraconix or Tusaris, but my name is Riley. I gave this name to myself shortly after I came up with CanineHybrid. It is also the name of my german shepherd dog character (later turned to a german shepherd dinosaur hybrid) so I know that can be a little confusing.

I picked a gender-neutral name way before the concept of gender identity outside of the binary was a concept I was really aware of. I've just always loved gender-neutral names. Riley is a slight nod to similar sounding names "Ripley", the badass female protagonist from the very influential creature-suit film series Alien, & "Ridley", my favorite video game villain the space-dragon from Metroid (who gets his name from "Ridley Scott" who directed Alien). There was also a younger girl in the neighborhood who was my first exposure to the name & I found that I really liked it.

Well I still really like it & always will. Even if it does have an association to the "CanineHybrid" past I want to move away from, for some reason it doesn't bother me. Because I made the name my own. Riley was a fursona name, yes, but it was more importantly MY name. The real me. Riley was who I was as a person and used in my personal life, at school, at work, to friends, & eventually family. Riley was genuine. "CanineHybrid" was not as much.

My name was legally changed from Michelle to Riley in 2018 after having been using it in replacement of my "real" name for a decade. I don't actually mind if people who knew me from my past still call me Michelle or Shelly, but Riley is most accurate. I also don't mind shortened nicknames of any of my many names either. For awhile I may just be referred to by "that person who used to go by CanineHybrid". So be it.

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So there you go! A general overview of my new name & the reasons behind this much-needed personal change for me. I know it won't solve anything overnight, but I think it's a good step in the right direction & offers a change in perspective. Feel free to comment or ask questions down below too.

Now comes the hard part- transitioning to the new accounts & building new profiles from scratch. Bare with me!