I’m burnt out

Above reposted from IG.

Sadly this means I won’t be able to do patreon for a bit. This is a big problem for me as it’s my main source of income (more than bandcamp, Spotify or merch) - it’s literally how I pay my rent. However I suspect I tried to bite off more than I can chew. I thought I could take on a neurotypical workload, but after today, I don’t think I can.

I’m kinda putting my foot down now, as my number one priority is playing roadburn - ironically themed about this very issue. It’s the most important opportunity I’ve ever had my in my life, and a big demand. I think it’s the only one I can deal with atm.

There’s likely going to be a break here unless Violet can upload stuff for me. this is another source of stress, especially since it pays my rent and is “open ended”, unlike a normal job with a wage and clear cut tasks (yes, I’m a full time musician. Too autistic for any other job as I was unemployed for 10 years before I was signed).

Sorry everybody. I’m still mortal and very much autistic. As any autistic person knows, having heaps of demands/expectations can lead to overload and burnout. Call it pathological demand avoidance or whatever, but I just need a break for the sake of my health. I don’t wanna pass out like Ethel Cain did on stage here a while ago, who is also trans/autistic and under even greater expectations. But if roadburn doesn’t go well, I could still be stuck broke forever. I feel like I need to put in three times the effort to get a quarter of the money. Healthcare in Australia is collapsing into an American model, and had to fork out 500$ AUD for a psychiatrist appointment for adhd meds a week ago which is literally a months rent. I wish I could be DIY still but I gotta sell out to survive.

If you can afford to stay for a month or two without a post it would be lovely, but with the global cost of living crisis (aka capitalism just doing its thing) I understand if you can’t support me during a month + of no posting. I’ll be back, but I gotta take a break to live. Or feel free to donate to my girlfriend’s FFS fund as a bit of my money is going to her anyway (her job only gives her a single shift per week and we are in a cost of living crisis so please give if u can)

Although any tips for getting through aut burnout are welcome. Also, please look after yourselves too. I suspect most of you can relate to this.

Love y’all

-Xandra