Dango with Anko: Peptalk of the Traumatized

This side story has been kind of done for a while now. The Beta didn't like it, then I didn't like it, then they were busy and then I was busy.

Anyway, little awkward but I think I got it to a point where it functions. I think I've made all the awkward bits more clear. Sakura's so awkward. This was awkward. I probably should have gone with a different idea for this but once you've already written the piece...

This takes place during the 2 months of sessions and village arrest, if it's not obvious.

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To put it kindly, today’s session with Ino was terrible. It started off going a little deeper into her more developmental memories, which of course means they were distorted and odd and the only solid part about them was whatever was memorable enough for it to appear in the first place. Memories are remade constantly, even little things like viewing them can slightly modify them and the next thing you know a box of pasta is a shelf lower than it should be. This factor is normally unimportant and unless you’re the type to get all worked up over exact specifics or make a lot of quotes you could go your whole life and never notice.

When you’re actively traveling through memories, this ultimately meaningless problem turns into a huge thing. It’s especially big if you’re traveling with a girl who’s had a crush on you for years and she realizes you’ve managed to moderately distort half of the memories you have together into something less flattering. Ino was pissed, like really mega super pissed and the worst part is she doesn’t even get why so she can’t apologize. How is it her fault that she doesn’t remember Ino’s hair was different that day, or what her shoes looked like, or that she was wearing lipstick or - basically the core problem is that she doesn’t pay any attention to Ino’s appearance at all most days and given the filter of distortion, Ino looks pretty much the same in every single memory if you ignore age.

Despite never bothering to point it out before, Ino made it clear today that she changes her outfit and appearance in some way at least twice a week. Who does that? She doesn’t have the energy to change her outfit weekly! She has like three main looks and her hair is flatly brushed a grand majority of the time with nothing else to it. She figured using the brush at all was good progress.

Telling her that she’s being ridiculous was not the right answer.
Explaining that Ino always being charismatic and full of life in her memories is better than most people get was not the right answer..

She’s pretty sure she was supposed to miraculously figure things out and apologize on her hands and knees but what actually happened is she threw her hands up and left her mindscape, giving Ino just enough time to get out herself, before storming out the door.

She’ll calm down by next week and in the meantime she’ll go through some old photos and see if she can spot the differences. It’s best to put effort into friendship, and it’s not like she’ll mind the chore of going through happy memories with Ino in a way that doesn’t involve a jutsu.

It’s while she’s shaking her head and steaming about that issue that she finds herself smacking face first into a cushion in the middle of the walkway. She doesn’t remember a resting place on the way out of the interrogation building but she’s glad for the sudden change. She finds with a little yawn and a moderate fluffing of her new warm pillows that this could be a pretty nice napping place. A part of her points out the obvious problems with that thought process but she reasons that she wouldn’t be being attacked by comfort if she wasn’t supposed to rest soooo-

“Kid… you’re supposed to move after you run into someone, not just stand there enjoying yourself.” A dry voice scolds her from above her head.

“Wha?” Sakura mumbles, pressing her hands onto the squishy surface and pushing herself away enough to look up. “Oh hey Anko.” She’s never seen an older woman look that flustered before. Her cheeks are a bright red that spreads back and reaches her ears. The way her dark purple hair manages to fall in front of her face a little does nothing to hide her clear and obvious fever.

“Are you okay?” Sakura asks, tilting her head to examine her adult friend from another angle.

“At least take me out for dinner first.” Anko’s brows lower a little and dark eyes squint impatiently at her.

Sakura pulls her hands away and places them together in thought. “I feel like you make more money than me,” she points out with a little bit of enthusiasm, the thought of dinner after a hard day is remarkably invigorating, “shouldn’t you be the one taking me to dinner?”

“Jeez... Go home and get dressed, meet me at Kanu in two hours and fine, don’t bring your money.” Anko manages to glare at her in just the right way to make her feel small, “it’s a nice place and you need exposure to the world before you do that to Kurenai or worse, someone who doesn’t realize you’re clueless.” Sakura’s still not sure what she did wrong or why Anko feels the need to insult her while inviting her out but whatever, if she’s getting free food out of it she’s happy for the mistake.

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“Oh, this is a date!” Sakura’s eyes widen in the middle of a cafe, one that deals specifically in baked goods. Anko ordered them both cupcakes, sweet dango, and a very nice sounding herbal tea. Anko looks a little bored, like the nature of this outing occurred to her hours ago, but Sakura can’t help the way her cheeks practically ignite.

Sakura managed to go home, get dressed, explain to her mother why she was going out, have her mother redress her while telling her to put more effort in when someone else is paying, walk all the way here, sit down, wait for Anko, let her order, and only now that there is food and drink right in front of her does the realization hit. In her defense, grown women don’t normally ask fresh genin out on dates. That defense does not stop her from wanting to just curl up and die as a ripe tomato in the dirt, but it’s a good defense! She needs to fall back on ‘I’m twelve’ more, it’s a life saving excuse.

Well, at least this explains why her parents are hiding in the bushes across the streets with a single pair of binoculars they’re sharing like the world’s worst spy crew. She was pretty confused about that.

“Only in the literal sense.” The woman shakes her head, allowing Sakura a sigh of relief. “Consider this practice for later. You’re a bit too young for a real date, a bit too straight too, that poor blondie…”

“I don’t think I’m straight because that would imply I have a desire to be in a relationship with a guy, I just don’t think I’m gay because I have no desire to be in a relationship with a girl either.” Sakura explains while trying and failing to get any color besides bright pink into her face. “I don’t really think about relationships at all when Ino’s not there pressuring me with her lovey dovey expressions. I just want to have fun and make friends.”

Anko leans over the table with a dango stick in hand, clicking her teeth mockingly just in time to poke Sakura in the face with it.

“Om.” Sakura does the only thing that comes to her in her hazy state of mind and steals it as it gets close, filling her mouth without even taking it off the stick first.

“Snrk… Okay, that’s cute at least.” The interrogation specialist shakes her head at her, pulling back and taking the next one for herself. “It doesn’t matter if you’re straight, extremely career focused or just weirdly into your sword, it’s all the same for her.”

“It is?” Sakura asks. Thinking about how Ino must feel is hard but it’s also important. The issue is that she’s not sure how she’s supposed to understand Ino’s perspective when she’s not even sure how she feels about anything? It just doesn’t feel like it should be her issue right now. She wishes she could just go back to before Ino confessed and not feel awkward every time they spend time together. That as of recently they’re spending a few hours inside her head every week isn’t helping matters.

“Well yeah, her goal is to obtain you.” Anko points out, popping the last pastry on the stick into her mouth and taking a minute to chew and swallow before continuing, “and in all of those scenarios you’re unobtainable. The worst part is that I think she knows it. It’s a shame to see a girl like that use her youth on a lost cause. If you value your friendship I think you should let her down, maybe put it in clear terms that you’re not interested so she can date and you can do whatever it is you want to do without guilt.”

“I think I have, kind of.” Sakura begins-

And gets poked in the nose with the empty dango stick. “No uncertainty. What’d you say to her?”

“Uh…” The memory is vague, the festival was some time ago now and she’s never actually been that great at remembering conversations. If today’s session with Ino is any indication she’s not that great at remembering what anyone said or did ever and she won’t remember Anko’s form fitting outfit tomorrow.

That’s probably an exaggeration but it’s a nicer version of what Ino said. Nicer because what Ino said is really mean and she’s already scrubbed it from her memory so paraphrasing is the best she’s getting out of her brain. “That I don’t even have my own head sorted out, have no idea what I feel, what I could feel, and that I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon so she should probably look for a different romantic partner if she’s not willing to wait a long time.” That should sum it up, that and a few other small conversations they’ve had since…

“How long is a long time for you?” Anko asks, munching on a cupcake, she’s quick but most ninja are. They go through so many calories a day that eating fast becomes second nature even when what they’re shoving into their face is pure sugar. She’s seen Kakashi eat an entire steak in three seconds, it was horrifying, there was face to table action going on. Then Guy showed him up by doing it in two seconds but she expects that kind of nonsense out of Guy so it was less awkward.

“I dunno, a few years? I don’t want to think about that kind of thing right now and I want to teach for at least a year before I start trying for Jonin which will also keep me really busy.” Sakura explains with a mild shrug, “does it matter? A long time is a long time.”

“... Sakura, did you say a few years or did you just say ‘a long time?’” Anko’s expression is very grim for some reason. At her uncertain look, the woman palms her forehead, “please tell her that. If the spark inside of her is so strong she’s willing to wait for you to become a Jonin before you consider your dating life knowing that even then it’s a gamble as to whether you will be interested in her; well that’s stupid but that’s her prerogative. You owe it to her to make sure that’s true though, as of this moment I am absolutely sure she thinks you mean a few months.”

“I will make an effort to be clearer to her.” Sakura finally takes the stick on her plate up into her hand and offers it out for the woman. “They’re very sweet, but I think I owe you one?”

“I’m not letting you feed me.” The deadpan she receives in response only makes her smirk.

“I only let you feed me because I thought this was a date, you didn’t take advantage of any misconceptions did you?” She teases the older woman with a glimmer of mischief in her eyes.

“...” With great resignation Anko leans over and takes one of Sakura’s puffballs in her mouth. Sakura can’t help but giggle, the sight of indignance on the professional’s face is amazing enough she’s now honorbound to show Ino this memory next week. With context, she’ll definitely give context first lest she get yelled at again. She’ll also be sure to maintain the visual quality of Anko’s mortification, it’s a pointless memory if the main point is missing.

She doesn’t dislike the Dango but she can’t help but notice that they’re a lot sweeter than she expected even with the name sweet in them. She figured Anko would be into salty foods because if beating a guy in a shooter creates enough salt to give her a heart attack, Anko’ job has to have her covered in the stuff all day.

“Forget Ino for now, that’s not really why I brought you here, I got sidetracked.” Anko continues as if that didn’t just happen. She lifts her tea to her mouth and sips it, before making a sour expression and setting it down on the table. Before Sakura can even ask what the real reason for taking her here is, she witnesses Anko start shoveling in a concerning amount of sugar into her tea like she’s trying to join the Akimichi clan.

“Why am I here then?” Sakura asks anyway, trying not to stare too hard as a mountain starts to dissolve into the fluid. She allows trust to enter her eyes as she looks at the torture expert and is delighted to see Anko’s expression sour again for an entirely different reason. It’s not often she has the social upper hand and she’ll admit she’s being cruel but Anko probably deserves it, even if she is very nice to her sometimes.

“Paperwork says you’ve been taken off active duty for a couple of months, as someone who’s had to go through that myself I figured you might want to talk about it.” Awkward silence lingers in the air, a long and prolonged staring contest ends only when Anko fakes a cough and finally speaks up, “what I meant to say was we’re talking about it.”

“Right, uh, what about it?” Sakura’s features shift into a pained grimace, “I don’t do well with ambiguity, if you could give me clear instructions for what you want out of me I’d be happy to only massively fail to meet your expectations.”

“That’s the least normal person sentence I’ve heard today and we caught an Iwa spy this morning, but I appreciate your honesty.” Anko’s nose twitches to the side as she finally stirs her tea. She clinks the side of the cup with her mixing spoon with a clear intention to be annoying before picking it up to take a long sip. Her eyes light up with delight which would normally speak to the quality of the goods here but Sakura imagines even Hanabi would be a little excited to drink some tea with her sugar. “I guess, when I was betrayed by my previous leader I sort of didn't do very well.”

Anko’s hand lands on her own arm and slowly begins to rub it. She also looks away from Sakura, which is the kind of vulnerability she wouldn’t expect of a fellow ninja under normal circumstances. It suddenly makes her take this very seriously, Anko’s showing her trust right back and that’s not something she wants to walk on. “I shut myself in, I didn’t want to talk, I certainly wasn’t attending weekly sessions with a Yamanka in my head so you have me beat there. But, I remember how alone I felt. I don’t think a girl your age should go through that.”

“I think I’m fine?” Sakura tilts her gaze towards Anko’s tea. It started off an earthy color but at this point it’s entirely white. There’s a chunk of sugar that can’t dissolve poking out of the drink like a small island. “I have a class with Kakashi coming up to deal with the insubordination thing, and all people seem to be worried about is that I’m going to hurt myself. I’m not going to do that, so I don’t see the big deal.”

“No, Sakura, people are worried you’re going to jump in front of an attack your ally would have dodged.” Anko corrects her, “unnecessarily sacrificing yourself is a misuse of Konoha assets, at least that’s how the Hokage put it to me when I wanted to die for a while there… It really helped.”

“Weirdly enough, I think that does help.” Sakura takes another bite of the dango, “this might actually be too sweet-”

“You shut your mouth.” Anko scolds her with a snicker, poking her nose again with her skewer. “Find a reason to live. Maybe it’s Konoha, maybe it’s Ino, maybe it’s your parents or best friend. Whatever it is, I want you to think of that before you do something stupid. If you die you’ll never see that thing again and If you can keep that in mind you’ll probably stop doing the stuff that concerns people.”

“How long did that take you?” Sakura asks, “and what did you choose?”

“Let’s stop talking about me. I’m not the one forcefully taken off duty until further notice.” Anko’s tongue slips out of her mouth and points at her in a way Sakura can only interpret as teasing.

“Ino only took me off duty for two months,” Sakura grumbles between sips of her own drink, “that’s barely longer than a week if you do the math in MMO grinding logic.”

“Yeah well, if at the end of that she still thinks you’re going to jump into a volcano to save a stray puppy then it’ll be another two months,” the woman steals the last dango ball directly off Sakura’s stick, “you don’t deserve this.” Anko’s expression lights up, and Sakura decides that even if the woman wasn’t buying she probably wouldn’t mind the theft. She isn’t that big a fan and Anko appears to absolutely love sweets so it all equals out. She’ll try to remember that if she ever needs a favor.

“Well, hopefully Ino finds nothing to be concerned about by the time it’s important. Something important to think about before I make sacrifices… That’s going to take some time to figure out.” She already knows it’s going to be basically impossible to come up with something, the very people she would consider valid choices are the people she’d probably be trying to make the sacrifices for. Does that even work? She should try but how to go about it? She needs to think about this a lot. “You sure we can’t talk about you? Also this isn’t really dinner, is this all you eat?” The caught in the spotlight look on the older woman’s face is all Sakura needs to know she needs to send Haku to her house sometime. He’ll be furious to hear of this. For now, her attention turns to what left she has of their dessert dinner date.

Mainly, she’s wondering when she can get home and eat the real food Haku’s making.