Hi there

Hey guys. Thought I'd make a post to inform you of where I've been.


To summarize in bullet points:

- My family has been ramping up efforts to sell my dad's old belongings,
and I've been helping out a lot because I'm the guy with the internet access/knowledge.

- My physical health hasn't been the best, including leg infections and violent pelvic cramps.

- A content creator that I'm reasonably close with (in terms of their immediate community) was sexually assaulted at a convention near the start of the month, and the community (myself included) have been making sure that she's recovering well and feeling loved.

- The final obstacle is that I've had another spike of depression weighing me down.
This one was brought about by the end of The Owl House, a Disney cartoon.

For context, The Owl House was the first thing (aside from VTubers) that entertained me and brought a smile back to my face after my dad passed away. It holds a special place in my heart for helping me cope and move forward. Losing the show ended up feeling like I lost a part of myself. It's been very difficult to process.

And once the snowball of depression gets rolling, it becomes a boulder that's difficult to shift out of the way again. It evolves into the same type of depression that caused many of the other gaps in my releases.

Several times over the past couple of weeks, I've told myself "it's time to record some stuff today, let's do it!"... and then when the hour came I've been like "....no, I feel shitty. I'm not up to it. I need to delay." because I refuse to record when I'm less than 100% mentally fit, since it would harm the quality of the reaction video.

And then I go to bed feeling like a weak failure who can't deliver,
which makes me more upset and depressed,
which bleeds into my mood the next day,
and the cycle repeats.

Adding to the fact that I feel like I need to hurry and put out more stuff to prove to my government that this path is feasible for me in terms of income (like I mentioned in a previous update)... the lack of uploads makes me feel even worse, and even more like a failure who's cracking under pressure.

If it weren't for the fact that I charge per upload instead of monthly
(meaning you won't get charged if nothing is uploaded)
then I'd have had a full mental breakdown by now out of sheer guilt.


I'm sure that there are plenty of you who can understand the difficulty I face, especially when it comes to battling the brain gremlins and being unable to focus on something important.

All I can do is apologise for the long gaps in my content,
thank you for your continued patience and understanding,
and promise that I'm always fighting to get uploads made,
even if most of my days are spent failing miserably...

That's about it.
I was hyperventilating, thinking about how the month is almost over and mentally spiralling, hating myself and feeling like I wanted to cry.
Then I decided to write this update, and I'm already feeling a lot better.
Getting things off your chest really helps sometimes.



I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm not dead,
and I desperately want to upload content as soon as possible,
but it can't come until I banish the brain demons.

For now, thank you once again for all of your patience and understanding.
New videos coming as soon as possible, whenever that may be.