Life Won't Send You a Sex Partner in the Mail Just Because You Want One Really Badly

Yesterday I wrote a post with a pretty uncontentious premise: If you don’t do kink events, you won’t integrate with the scene. If you don’t go out and meet kinky people, you won’t have play dates.

The Fetisphere insisted I was being unfair. Not everyone can do events, you know. Some have jobs. Some have weird kinks. Some are just too busy with other things, so it isn’t fair to suggest that you have to physically meet people in order to develop friendships with them. If you *can’t* meet them, those friendships should arise by magic because everyone is *entitled* to them.

The universal law of cause and effect states that for every effect there is a definite cause. Likewise, for every cause, there is a definite effect. If you don’t wash, you won’t get clean. If you don’t drink, water won’t physically walk up to you and leap down your throat of its own accord. If you don’t put clothes on in the morning, your shirt will not soar through the heavens and magically land upon your glorious torso.

The law of cause and effect doesn’t care if it’s hard to take a bath. It doesn’t care if everyone really, really wants to be clean. No matter how much you want it and need it, it

Will

Not

Happen

unless you physically climb into the shower and do soapy things. It doesn’t matter how much you want full kink scene immersion. You won’t get it unless you physically go out and immerse yourself in the community.

Not everyone *can* be active in the kink scene. I know this because I probably haven’t done more than three events all year. Sometimes, life gets in the way. Sometimes you get ill. Sometimes, you don’t have the spoons for events because you’re too busy spending them on surviving. Sometimes your work life takes over. All of these things applied to my scene life this year.

As a result, I didn’t meet too many new kinksters in 2023. This is not an injustice. No matter how dire the year was for me, you don’t meet play partners unless you physically step out of your front door.

Cause and effect. See?

If kinky sex didn’t just happen all on its own without cause, it’s not a grave injustice. It’s just the way life works.

Some male Fetlifians are as screamy as a British soccer team about their celibacy. They *neeeeed* new partners, so it’s unfair that they don’t have any, even if they don’t do what was required to actually develop those relationships.

Just so we don’t have any confusion, the thing you need to do to develop those relationships is treat women with respect and care. If you disrespect us, you won’t get laid. Your celibacy won’t occur because life is unjust. It will occur because, for every effect, there's a cause. Likewise, for every cause, there's a definite effect.

The effect won’t descend on you by magic. Life really doesn’t care how long it takes to read a profile before sending a message. It’s still not going to send you a girlfriend in the mail merely because you want one really badly.