An hour of phone ringing is just what women need to work out you’re Mr Right (Trigger warning: rape)

A few weeks back I blocked a follower. This is not a revolutionary act. People do it all the time. I thought he’d do what everyone else does when I block them: Write a post titled “SpanishRed is an ugly bitch who needs to stop talking about cupcakes,” then evaporate into the Fetisphere.

This did not happen.

Instead, he began sending messages to my friends and acquaintances trying to convince me to reverse my block. Like the good friends they were, they didn’t give him any rope. Blockee was dissatisfied with that conclusion. I thought he’d do what everyone else does when I don’t give them any rope: Write six more posts titled “SpanishRed is an even uglier bitch than I thought, and I’m never ever eating a cupcake again.”

This did not happen.

Instead, he signed up to my Patreon page in order to send me a message. I had to go through the palaver of learning how to refund him so I could block him in good conscience.

I shouldn’t have needed to block him a second time, but there’s an entire section of the human race who thinks “go away” means “repeatedly insist a woman talks to/fucks/befriends you if she says no the first time.”

I grew into a naggy twat, so I’ve learned this lesson firsthand. One ‘no’ is enough. If it isn’t enough, you have an entitlement problem. In fact, during my recovery from being a naggy twat, I learned that ‘no’ isn't even necessary much of the time. People will usually show signs of fading away before they defer to the “let’s not be friends” talk.

Let me tell you a story that’s exactly the same as your story. I had a friend named Fleetwood*. Fleetwood told me he was attracted to me, but I diplomatically resisted his “charms.” One day, he came to visit.

He put his hands on me. I moved them away.

He kept to his side of the couch for a while, but then he tried to kiss me.

I stood up and asked him to leave, so he tried to strongarm me into having sex with him.

I moved to the kitchen to get away. He followed.

I managed not to get assaulted that day, but Fleetwood kept phoning me as though nothing had happened. If I didn’t answer, he just called repeatedly because an hour of ringing is just what women need to work out you’re Mr Right.

Fleetwood and Blockee have a lot in common. Both of them felt entitled to something from me. When I didn’t supply it, both of them tried to manipulate me into giving them what they wanted. When that didn’t work, both of them forced their way into my space.

If I tell you “no” and you keep pushing, I’m going to assume you’re Fleetwood and were just waiting for the opportunity to assault someone.

And do you know what?

I would be right.

People who can’t tolerate small “noes” are even worse with bigger “noes.” The worst of it is they genuinely believe they’re good guys who respect women’s boundaries.

Ever received an apology from your rapist? Yeah, me too. They didn’t really rape you, you know, but they’re sorry they might have behaved a bit too forcefully. They’re really nice guys.

A few days ago, a Fetlife genius suggested I Google “good girl syndrome” so I did, and it changed my life. Google it yourself. I learned that I didn’t have to couch my “noes” in cinnamon, marshmallows, and niceness. I learned that I need to become a naggy twat again when people disrespect my boundaries. Most importantly, I need to stick with friends who never needed me to be a naggy twat in the first place.