Why I'll Never Play With an Untrained Edge-Player Again

I’ve played with four sadists since I joined the kink scene. Want to know how many of them had learned how to play safely?

One.

Want to know how many thought about the risks inherent in their play?

One.

Want to know how many said they couldn’t do classes because they were “private people”?

Three.

They couldn’t learn safe kink practices because, unlike the rest of us, they had jobs and couldn’t afford to be outted.

Do you see that smudge approaching the horizon? That’s my poor, masochistic self racing out of the room. Back when I met these tops, though, I didn’t run. I did my best to empathise with their reluctance because I cared more about their comfort than my own.

I’ve experienced the consequences of careless tops now, though. I have the doctor’s bills to prove it.

Do you want to know how many tops would have driven me to the doctor after they harmed me?

One.

How many would have contributed to the medical bills?

One.

Want to know if he was one of the three who did injure me during play? He wasn’t. Of course not. He’d completed 20 years’ worth of classes, but three other traits made him different:

1. He sat down with me before our play to discuss how my epilepsy and heart would affect our scenes.
2. He didn’t injure me.
3. If he had, he would have contributed to the medical bills.

He cared about his bottoms, and his kink education was just a symptom of that empathy. Ethical tops have jobs and a need for anonymity, too. They just understand the importance of knowledge and skill for edgy kinks, so they find solutions instead of problems. My compassionate top did much of his learning one-on-one because, when you care, you find a way.

I already know exactly how this thread is going to play out:

“But I can’t do classes. I have a social phobia. I’m neurodivergent. Classes are too far, and besides, I’m broke.”

Funny. My mechanic said exactly the same thing when he suggested giving me surgery last week. He had a social phobia so he couldn’t attend med school, but he was totes willing to do the operation because noobs should get to do fun things, too.

“But, Red, you’re exaggerating. Surgery is dangerous. Kink isn’t like that.”

Michael Hutchence much? High-risk play can absolutely kill and maim your bottom. It happens all the time, and if you’re willing to do edge play without educating yourself, your ethics belong in the trash with the dust and carrot tops.

“But, Red, I use YouTube to learn all the things.”

So does my mechanic. He still wants to do surgery on someone. Are you up for it?

Look, I taught myself how to knit on YouTube, but that's a lot more dangerous than choking a bottom out with a barbed wire whip. You do, nonetheless, have the right to learn about edge play from a video clip, and I have the right not to play with you. See how that works?

It’s never been a choice I’ve had to make, though, because none of my negligent tops bothered with YouTube anyway. Why? Well, I thought you'd never ask. They didn't bother because their disinterest in mentorship never had a thing to do with anonymity as they'd claimed. It had to do with indifference. They just had good excuses.

I did have one thing in common with my three negligent tops, though. When I met them, I didn't think I deserved care. My self-esteem was as sparse as Croatia's dodo population, so I placed their happiness above my own.

I know better now. (Thanks, therapy.)