Some Masochists Just Want Tops Who Hit things, But I Want More

Learning to write is a lot like learning who you are. The more authentic you can be on the page, the more compelling your work will be. When I work with beginners, half the job is annihilating their pretentiousness. New writers often try their damnedest to be someone they’re not, and it never works.

You’ve got to find your voice. You can only touch people with the distilled essence of your very self.

Topping is a lot like that.

I’ve been involved with dominants who used BDSM as the distilled essence of their very identities, and I’ve been involved with dominants who just wanted to hit things. I’ll give you one guess which of them was more compelling.

The trouble with becoming your distilled, sadistic self is that you’re probably terrified of it, and I don’t blame you. What if your sadism makes you evil? What if your kinks are pathological? What if you’re just a garden variety misogynist? What if you learn that you have urges you can’t live with? These are the questions that make d-types skirt the edges of their desires. They’re too scared to delve into their truth, so they just decide to hit things.

It’s easier than self-exploration.

It’s easier than combatting your shame.

It’s also a lot less fun.

Sadism is like the earth. On the surface, there's a brittle layer of minerals. Two layers in, liquid radioactive elements create massive turbulent currents. In the core, the pressure and heat are immense. The planet turns, but the core turns faster.

You can draw your sadism from the crust if you like, but the currents underneath it are infinitely more compelling. If you can get to the spinning core, things will get real very, very fast.

And as a masochist, I love it when things get real.

Sure, there’s immense pressure at the core, but only if you’re applying Christian values to your sexuality. Sadism is an inherently human trait. Thirty percent of us qualify as sexual sadists. If it’s consensual, it’s not worthy of shame.

It's easy to identify a sadist who’s reached the spinning core. You just magically know they can make your best nightmares come true, and I believe they can do it for one reason: They’ve combatted their shame well enough to dig through all the layers, not just the kind you can raise with a shovel.

As a masochist, I’m looking for someone who’s found his “voice” and all the evil things he can do with it. Some masochists just want tops who hit things, but I prefer living deeper beneath the soil. I don’t want to plant flowers. I want to swim in radioactive decay.

Beyond predators, there’s one kind of dominant subs avoid most: He’s made of hubris, but he’s never dug deeper than six feet under. He thinks shouting at bitches will get him laid, so he roams around Fetlife typing expletives as though it makes him dominant. He’s seen things like that on Pornhub, so now he’s going to LARP it.

There’s no combatting that kind of pretentiousness because it’s borne of a shallow understanding of BDSM. Faking it just won’t cut it. Masochists are looking for something real.