Stop Trying To Do BDSM Like the Locals

The “128 Slave Rules” was written by a Fetlifian in 1786 by the look of it. Here are a few to sample:

“I worship my master. I worship my master’s body. The power of my master fills me with awe. Just the sheer thought of him […] gives me strength.”

I am nothing more than an object of great value - an instrument Master will use to draw out His pleasures.

I will not hesitate when responding to my Master.

Anyone who’s been around the kink block a few years uses the slave rules as a list of red flags.

Anyone who’s new to kink uses it to twist themselves into impossible shapes in an effort to do it like the locals, and therein lies the problem. You think we know what we’re going so you should follow suit, but we’re not all-knowing gods. We’re flawed humans who have sexy thoughts when we think about floggers.

With that in mind, I’d like you to answer one question: Do you want a dominant who values your identity or do you want a dominant who tries to smother it? The answer to this question should be your measuring stick. Remember it when you’re having your first negotiation. Remember it when you notice something amiss in your dynamic. Remember it when you start disintegrating into a million reluctant yesses.

As a local who’s been around the kink scene for several years, I can assure you we’re no smarter than you are. If you try to do it like the locals, you’re going to have to do it like 10-million different individuals. BDSM is not a single construct built by superior minds than yours. It’s millions of different constructs that each local customises to their desires.

You’re not meant to squeeze yourself into it like a pair of skinny jeans. You’re meant to tailor it to your body like a bespoke suit. You choose the fabric. You choose the colour. You choose the cut just like the rest of us.

There are slaves among us who really do worship their masters’ body. There are even slaves who never hesitate when told what to do, and that’s okay. It’s their dynamic and their bespoke suit. That doesn’t mean it’s your bespoke suit. It means you have to create your own rules within the confines of enthusiastic consent and risk awareness.

We don’t know what we’re doing either. We probably have technical skills and consent knowledge that you lack, but the most important of them is never try to do it like the locals. Find your own identity. Practice your own values. Be tall. Be strong. Be you.