Frank can lick pussy for hours

Frank can lick pussy for hours. Telling you so is his Fetlife mating call. All pussy-kind is supposed to be profoundly appreciative of his patience and oral endurance, but all I can think is, “Okay, but why?” The way I see it, if you need hours, it could mean one of two things:

• You’re really bad at giving women orgasms.
• You think hours of edging and orgasms are fun for women.

Bragging about four hours of oral sex is like bragging that you can run a 40-kilometre marathon in six months. Everyone else is sailing over the finishing line (or orgasm) in five hours, but Frank is in it for the long haul. The finishing line isn’t his priority. He thinks endurance is a virtue because waiting patiently for an orgasm is a favour, dammit, and you will bloody well appreciate it.

My pussy doesn’t have time for hours of licking. It has things to do, people to see, and stuff to buy. It takes a lot of time to maintain a well-groomed merkin collection, you know. I keep telling my pussy I don’t wear merkins, but it still spends at least two hours a day brushing and arranging them. My pussy is also a backup vocalist in a band when it’s not teaching pelvic floor yoga class. It doesn’t have time for hours of licking.

Frankly, Frank, I don’t have the time either. I’d get bored. My sexual exploits rarely last longer than 90 minutes. The only way you’re getting two hours out of me is with some compelling kink. Hours of pussy licking isn’t “compelling kink” so you and I probably won’t get along. If there isn’t a belt or some rope in it for me, I’d much rather reach the finishing line before my friends start reporting me missing.

I strongly suspect that the six-hour cunnilingus story is designed to assuage Frank’s ego and not women’s pleasure. I’ll admit it might also be possible that my pussy is just weird. Backing vocalists usually are. I’m always up for edging and multiple orgasms, but it doesn’t take me four hours to achieve them. 90 minutes will do just fine. At the two-hour mark, explosive orgasms have given way to orgasms that say, “Eh. <shrug>”

I’m also quite enamored with variety in my sexual experiences. I like to change things up a little. There is more to life than cunnilingus, after all, so give me blowjobs. Give me impact. Give me mind fucks because the only way I’m lying on my back for that long is if you’ve installed my computer monitor into the ceiling.

I know all the wimmenz are going to line up in the comments to tell me they’re into oral sex marathons, but let me ask you one question. Does your pussy have a collection of lovingly-maintained merkins? No? Well, exactly. You just have no idea what I’m dealing with here.