I Found a Toy Invented By God and Wrought From Angels' Tears
Added 2023-09-12 06:06:01 +0000 UTCSeven years ago I discovered a toy created by Zeus to change the lives of every woman on planet earth and beyond. I’m sorry that I didn’t find it sooner, but that’s just the necessary downside of being a sceptic. When the entire world tells me that a certain sex toy is a necessity, do I believe them? No. I’m a sceptic. I avoid conspiracy theories.
If you’d told my 30-something self that there was a toy that caused instant and infinite orgasms, I would have told you to throw your opinion on the ‘stupid’ pile next to Ufology and The One Twue Way. Apparently, I would have been wrong. Apparently there really is such a thing as an ‘instant orgasm’.
I didn’t even start the subby consent interview in porn clips. The magic tool that supplies insta-orgasms is called a ‘vibrator’. Say what? You've heard of them? Interesting.
I got my first one at the sprightly age of 40. I’m more disappointed than embarrassed about the fact that I took so long to try this tiny piece of magic so late in life, but better now than never.
I just didn’t believe the hype, not that there was enough of it. Why haven’t you all given vibrators better word-of-mouth advertising? It’s your public duty to tell the sloths of society about things that are this important.
My life was forever changed. Suddenly orgasms were a second away. That’s some serious ease of use. They became my method of choice for getting rid of headaches, bad moods, and chocolate cravings.
I intended to have more headaches, bad moods, and chocolate cravings.
