Brat Lessons

Yesterday someone said I should give brat lessons because they thought I was a superior brat. Bwahahaha! Bwaaaha! Sorry. What I meant to say is of course I’m good at being a brat. I’m the most courageous, sneaky, brave, bold brat who ever was. Thus beginneth the lesson.

1) Never let a spanking go unaddressed.

If your guy hits you with a belt, go into the bathroom, lock the door, then text him the following: “Do you think you hit me hard, big guy? That was barely detectable. You think you’re a real dom now? Huh? Huh?” Then sit in the bathroom for the next 14 hours and sneak out when he’s gone to work.

2) Take your glitter seriously.

All doms need glitter. They just haven’t realised it yet. It’s your job to make sure your dom realises it, so make your bomb. Stick it under his favourite couch cushion with this note: “SpanishRed forthwith lawfully and litigiously declares that she categorically did not make this glitter bomb. Did you consider that it might have been the cat?”

Update 24 hours later:

Some people thought they were meant to substitute my name for theirs in the note, so they’ve been planting glitter bombs that don’t say, “SpanishRed didn’t make this bomb.” This has been a terrifying 24 hours for me, guys. Please don’t substitute your own name. What if your dom starts thinking it was me?

3) Never ever get caught

It’s true that the brats of the past were only defiant because they would get caught, but I’m the new brat expert, so I‘ve decided you shouldn’t be caught. What do you think will happen if you brat your dom while tied to a St Andrews cross? He will fucking end you, so only brat him in completely anonymous ways. And with a note that says “I forthwith officially declare that SpanishRed didn’t do this.”

4) Be creative, but secretive

It’s not creative to tell your dom he hits like a pansy when he still has a flogger in his hand. Be creative. Blindfold him and turn him around five times. Lock the door. Go outside. Tell him he hits like a pansy through the window. Then run like hell. He will definitely want to do evil things to you after that, so put a note under the door saying, “This is an extremely legal and official notice declaring that SpanishRed didn’t do this.”

5) Admit that I'm Queen Brat

A lot of brats have been writing to say I’m just a wannabe who’s too cowardly to brat men for real. How very dare you? I just convinced a thousand brats to declare my innocence from behind my computer monitor in a country three oceans from anywhere. Who’s Queen Brat now, bitch?

Very Official Legal Notice: We, the undersigned people who are not SpanishRed hereby declare forthwith that SpanishRed did not write this post at all. It was probably the dog.