SpanishRed

Things I Believed About the Kink Scene and What Actually Happened

Added 2023-08-19 04:48:44 +0000 UTC

I will definitely get laid when I go to my first play party.

What actually happened: <pulls out calculator> I have attended 3,250 play parties. I have been laid 425 times. This is not the correct math. I would like correct math.

Seeing real people have real sex will be shocking and sexy and life-altering.

What actually happened: Finding future friends who plan survival strategies for zombie apocalypses is life-altering. When I see real people have real sex, my vagina asks when we’ll get to the interesting parts. MY VAGINA JUST DOESN’T CARE EVEN THOUGH I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR TWO DECADES! WHERE CAN I GET A NEW VAGINA??

I’ll go to great pains to hide my ignorance at my first event. Nobody will ever discover my noob status.

Hey. What is that thing? A flogger? For what? Knitting?

Nobody will remember me. I’ll just sneak in and stand against that there wall.

Um.

I will be a TPE slave when I find a boyfriend.

I’m occasionally willing to let my top take breaks from giving me backrubs.

I’m not like those pseudo-subs. I don’t have a vanilla bone in my body.

That BDSM quiz is trying to misrepresent me. I DON’T HAVE A VANILLA BONE IN MY BODY. WHAT IS GOING ON??? I’M A CALM PERSON WHO DOESN’T NEED CAPSLOCK, LIKE, EVER???

The kink scene will turn me into a blue-haired eccentric who gets suspended on Sunday afternoons.

The kink scene turned me into a volunteer who visits the doggos on Sunday afternoons.

I will become Uber Masochist: The scariest masochist who ever was.

I will look at this album of an Uber Masochist. Nooooooooooo. Is that a... ? Is he... ? I need aftercare. Come here, backrub slave. I wish to imbibe in a massage while I knit this flogger.