You Need Two Brains for Kink

“Look left, look right, then run like hell.” That’s what my dad taught me when I was a child.
“Look left, look right, but never, ever cross the road. You’ll probably get run over by a car.” That’s what my mom taught me.

I managed to internalize both lessons. One of my brains wanted to break all the rules, no matter how irresponsible it seemed. But my mother designed my other brain, and that meant I criticised everything I ever did. You might be able to abuse me, but I can do myself far more damage.

Having both mindsets in the same body is like skydiving with a Karen in your ear.

You really have to stop using so many metaphors, Red. Our family takes literalism seriously, you know.

Are you kidding? I have coffee and berries. My life is complete.

No it isn’t. Do you own a house? Nooo. No you don’t.

I live by the sea. I don’t need a house.

You shouldn’t have moved to the sea. Salaries are 2% lower over there, you know.

That’s my brain constantly screaming at itself for being happy.

If you’re into BDSM, it’s helpful to have a Karen screaming in your ear, though. Kink requires you to be a carefree risk taker who is neither carefree nor a risk taker.

You’ve got to joyfully throw yourself into crazy scenes.

You’ve got to avoid taking BDSM so seriously that you treat it as a contest or a set of laws.

You’ve got to let go of any desire to be a True Sub/Dom/Et Cetera.

You’ve got to stop holding yourself to ridiculous standards of subliness. You’ve got to allow yourself to be in it for the lulz…

… but you’ve also got to be didactic about safety and consent.

Sometimes I use Karen Brain when I should be employing Squeeeeee! Brain. And sometimes I use Squeeeeee Brain when Karen Brain would be better suited to the task. Safety? What’s that? A form of skydiving?

You’ve got to apply the right brain to the right situation.

Writers need two brains, too: A Squeeee! Brain for writing great poems and a Karen Brain to edit them afterward. If you let your inner editor into the room while writing a first draft, it will all go to hell, so you’ve got to keep Karen Brain in a cage when you need to squeee.

And in BDSM, you need to squeee a lot because if you take this thing we do too seriously, you will destroy yourself and your partners. You also need a teeny dictator who's itemised the risks and created 12-point strategies for alleviating them. Just as well we all have two brains.