THE GOBLIN NEWSLETTER 85

Portland is surrounded by some of the most beautiful natural areas I have ever seen. When we moved to Oregon the overwhelming green of it all & the rich river valleys that originated inland & worked their way towards the sea were particularly amazing. Bald eagles are not an uncommon sight. In living here, these things became background noise to my cultural frustrations with the state & my struggle to make it. Having escaped the gravitational field of what I wanted initially, which is hard to specify, I guess to support myself & my family on my art, to have an audience. I am able to really appreciate the nature of Oregon in a way that’s clear & not clouded by too much. Today we are going to Trillium Lake & the area around Mount Hood. The lake acts as a viewing pool for the mountain. The area around Mount Hood is half wooded mountains & half rolling hills & farmland. It’s insanely idyllic. The contrast is great, the areas are both dominated by the mountain but in totally different ways. I feel such a profound connection to this mountain, it’s great. I’m not unfamiliar with this feeling. I have heeded this connection to my hometown Oakland, I had to build it up, but Mount Hood I’ve had to do absolutely no work. I just respond viscerally with my heart to this mountain. The feeling has only grown with time. I’ve always appreciated natural beauty but I've only really felt it post stroke. Feeling nature, the overwhelming beauty without thinking of my role with it, is something that has only been possible since experiencing ego death. I don’t know how to do this without having died. Having my life reset that way seems only possible having died & spent those months in the hospital thinking about my life, mortality & getting used to or accepting that I was disabled & everything was going to or had changed.