Leffen Goes to Court: Part V

This is part 5 in an ongoing series. See part 4 here. 

In the last episode:

i pat armada on the back and say, "you're an amazing friend and an even better barrister, armada. i will never forget this."

armada clears his throat and says, "i'd like to call my first witness to the stand." he glanced at me and winked. i knew what was coming, and it was going to be brilliant

armada shouted, "codename: dj! enter the courtroom."

immediately the courtroom is filled with an addictive beat. cowboys emerged from the ground and began wildly dancing and tearing up chairs. armada removed his tie so it was easier for him to dance. he was the king of the dance floor. he executed approximately five pelvic thrusts that filled the room with the smell of potent sexual energy. the excitement in the room coursed through the jury's veins, feeding their erections.

dj! entered the room.

hungrybox approached dj! and asked, "dj!, could you please tell us what happened the night leff murdered myles' parents and took him into the forest?"

edward, otherwise known as dj!, began nodding his head as if he was heavily in the zone, listening to the most hype song ever created. that song, as it would turn out, but was not yet known to the jury at the time, was a cover of "baby shark" by the Backstreet Boys. edward's eyes appeared to be emitting a vibrant, rich blue light. slowly, the sound of a harp began to fill the courtroom. behind everyone, a large image of myles face was projected to the back of the room.

"oh, this myles?" dj! asked, pointing to the projection.

hungrybox replied, "yes, that myles."

"i've never even seen this guy before in my fucking life," dj! asserted.

"oh. then why did armada call you to the stand?" hungrybox inquired.

edward's eyes glistened as blue and white particles began to cascade down upon the courtroom. the atmosphere became calm, as if time itself had been frozen. dj! said, in a deep voice that boomed like a powerful thunder, "i am the music. and the music is me. i followed leff since he was a child and kept him in tune. i saw myles as a child and i could feel the rage within him. i saw leff guide the spirit of myles' father into the afterlife. i saw myles' mother, carol, take her final breath with the delicate support of leff. she was a beautiful woman, and i saw her fly into the clear blue sky, gleaming like the sun. i told myles he was good and that he had unbounded potential. i told myles that deep down inside he was an animal, and that it is much easier for an animal to be set free than a person."

the courtroom erupted in applause. the prosecution savored the last drops of edward's testimony, before he vanished in a puff of smoke.

armada approached the courtroom and said, "in conclusion, i believe that my client, leff, is innocent. it's easy to see that leff has endured a lot of pain in his life. and i ask the jury to consider this: does not the earth stand still -- if only for a moment -- to savor the tender innocence of new love? and does not the cosmos put on its most glorious attire to meet the cradle of humanity at the dawn of each new day?"

armada winked at me, knowing he had successfully tied the courtroom up in legalese.

armada looked hungrybox in the eyes and said, "frankly, you are not only on the verge of sending an innocent man to his death, you are guilty of poisoning the well of justice and murdering lady liberty herself. if there are no further questions, i rest my case."

the courtroom was in an uproar. they were shouting, "innocent, innocent, innocent,' like a well rehearsed choir piece.

hungrybox approached the judge and said "holy shit, i think leff might actually be innocent."

the judge said, "are you kidding me? i'm about to hand his ass to him on a silver fricken platter so hard that this metaphor will be strained by the time i end it."

the judge bangs his gavel on the stand and says, "i'm gonna cut this shit out right now. you wanna know what i think when i look at leff here? i see a handsome young man, with lips as supple as a rose and hips that would make an hourglass blush...' the judge realizes he's getting carried away.

he regains his composure and clarifies, "when I look upon leff i see an insecure boy who so desperately wants to be loved that he never learned to love himself. and until he can be free from his own insecurities, he will never be at peace with the world."

legs steepled, armada began contemplating his next move. armada looked at me, and i mouthed "you're fucked, dude. i don't know what you want me to do here."  armada got up and opened a tiny prison cell door in the courtroom for me. he smiled and said, "i love you, leff. but it's time for you to go. keep your chin up and do a twirl for me." i began to tear up, knowing that the show was almost over.

but it was at that moment that the courtroom doors swung open. a small, hairy man reeking of alpha male energy slowly approached the bench.

"STATE YOUR NAME, SIR" the judge boomed.

"The name's Mango", the man replied. "But you can call me Mang0."