Adventures of Scar and Toph: Part 1

Toph and Scar enter the arena, their eyes alight with the same fervor they had watching the Grand Finals. The two warriors strut down the hallways, stepping past a tall, lanky figure that stands out from the crowd. Scar stops in his tracks and bows down to the floor.

Scar: "I'm not worthy of your presence, Emperor. I shall sacrifice Toph's life in honor of this glorious day."

Toph: "Scar, what the fuck? Get up. You're embarrassing me."

Toph and Scar pick themselves up off the floor and walk down the hall. They later learn that the lanky man was not a man at all, but a recycling bin. 

The two young lovers continue down the hallway and soon find themselves in front of the door to a hotel room. Toph pulls out a key and unlocks the door. The door swings open, allowing the two to walk into a hotel room that contains an unmade queen sized bed, a tub of petroleum jelly, a tube sock, corrugated razor wire, a coffee maker, a package of condoms, a cardboard cutout of Mang0, a 1993 copy of Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing, and recycling bin man. Scar rushes to the bed and slaps the comforter.

Scar: "This puppy can take a beating, can't it Toph?"

Scar winks at Toph and then forms a fist.

Scar: "Smash is dead. Long live Smash."

Toph: "I'm going to go play some Melee in the stadium, check you out in 2 hours?"

Scar: "Sure. I have to go to the bathroom anyways."

Scar walks over to the desk and pulls out a bottle of vodka and a cup. He pours the vodka into the cup, walks over to the sink and fills the cup with tap water until much of the vodka has spilled out.

Scar: "I've heard that this is how the Russians drink it."

Scar drinks the vodka and water mixture and sighs.

He throws away the red cup and walks over to the tub of petroleum jelly. He scoops out some of the jelly and smears it on his stomach, chest, and thighs. He then removes his underpants and spreads the petroleum jelly on his loins. He turns around and walks over to the desk to grab a corrugated razor wire which he places between his asshole cheeks.

Scar: "This will be uncomfortable..."

Scar walks over to the desk and looks at his reflection in the mirror. He slaps himself.

Scar: "Greatness isn't born, it's made."

Scar grimaces in preparation of his nightly ritual.

Scar: "The worst part about being a hero is that nobody sees the scars."