Thank You for Being Here

Hey everyone,

I know I let you guys know a little bit with my previous post about things that have kept me from being fully productive this month, and though I made what happened there clear, it almost seems as if I should've waited longer.

It has been a very bad month for people I love and care about and I would absolutely be lying if I said I haven't been affected by it all. You think once one terrible thing happens, that's it--you deal with it, you help those affected, you reflect, and you start to heal again. One big thing per month.

But lightning strikes twice, sometimes, and right after I let you all know about the first lightning strike this month that put me out of commission for a bit, I was hit again--this time a little closer to home than expected. A little closer to home for all of us, actually.

I run Night Mind. It's all me, all the time... except for the occasional videos where I have an extremely good friend who has made some of the toughest challenges and most memorable moments possible. He's been here since Marble Hornets Explained was just halfway done  in a Premiere Pro project folder, and was here to help me make Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, the Halloween videos, and more. Without him, we wouldn't have some of our "Greatest Hits" videos. When he's affected by something, I'm affected. I do everything I can to help shoulder whatever burden he faces, and it's been a very heavy weight that dropped very suddenly at the end of this month.

Thankfully, the second time lightning struck, it was a seriously shocking jolt instead of a killing strike, but it's only after a few days of seeing things through that we know there's a chance for things to turn out alright.

I didn't want this to be a bad month. I wanted the Wyoming Incident video to be the return of my regular uploads, even if the beginning of the month really messed up the flow of my working life. Just as I was going to make good on that, this past week happened, and now, it's about to be February.

January has been a very difficult month. It's been a very difficult month that I felt throughout I couldn't tell you guys about, and the fear that a lot of you sat waiting for me to deliver on my word, thinking I was being another prick sitting on his ass because he's financially "made it" was eating me alive. I never, ever want you to feel as if I'm ignoring you, or being irresponsible... and at the same time, I don't want to admit when I'm caught up by difficult personal issues, because even when there's a casket or a hospital involved, it feels like some kind of excuse being made.

I have come to learn it's okay to admit when I'm not doing as well as I tell myself I should say I am. And after accepting that losing January as a comeback month was due to powers beyond my control, I've come to accept that I can admit that as well. You guys have always shown you're much more understanding and patient with me than I have ever been with myself.

And I really, sincerely thank you for that.

I'm cleaning up the rest of this month's dirt and really looking forward to February. I'll go ahead and spoil that I have a Resident Evil 7 video coming--possibly even two, because it was that good that I've got so much I can talk about with it. When the video lands, you'll know I'm ready for continuous uploading for real. I'm almost out of the January woods.

Please, never feel like I'm abandoning any of you, or neglecting my responsibilities, or being another bastard YouTuber screwing around because he's making money during a week without having to work--that has never been who I am, and it never, ever will be. Every time I see a case of someone doing that or remember being a neglected viewer, I only get more passionate about making more videos, more often, and of even higher quality than I have before.

As always, I love you guys. And there is one thing I must impart from this month's lessons:

You do not know how long you actually have with family members to say what needs to be said. Whether it's an intervention that needs to happen, an "I love you" or "I'm sorry" that needs to be said, or just sitting down and getting to know them and have them truly understand you cared about their existence, do not let that opportunity go. Take the initiative.

Your life, and the lives of people you love, can change permanently overnight. They say not to go to the grave with regrets. This month, many people I love learned not to let others go to their graves having never heard something you now regret never telling them.

And that's all for now. Once again, I love you guys. You mean the world to me and have given me so much, and your patience and understanding has been a blessing. If any of you felt I was being absent on purpose this month, believe me, it was not my intention, and I'm very sorry.

February, we're coming back. I am very much done with being pushed away from my channel by life.