INTEMPERANCE IX - Chapter 17, Any Given Sunday
Added 2025-05-24 10:31:57 +0000 UTCA longer chapter than most, but I assume no one will mind that. I'm still going full steam ahead, spending most of my non-work time writing because I really want to get this story out. Here's where things start to come to a head (get it? Head?). As always, let me know how I'm doing. The Olsen vs Barb scene in the previous chapter was a result of reader suggestions. I like to hear your ideas even if I don't use them.
Comments
A fan since #1. How do you do the Nerdly voice
Jack Schroeder
2025-05-26 17:25:10 +0000 UTCThat is not inconsistency by any definition of the word. The incident did not happen during one of the scenes, so it is not included. The returning home took place off-page. I'm sure Pa-Ho was happy to see her and probably scored extra popcorn, but I did not need to include that in the narrative.
Al Steiner
2025-05-25 12:06:19 +0000 UTCContent inconsistency imo: In chapter 16 you made a big deal about the bird going bonkers because Jake daughter "left the nest". Chapter 17 mentions that Jake and Nerdly pick up the children - ok. But where the hell is the reaction of the bird to Cayde returning to the nest?
Folterknecht
2025-05-25 11:58:54 +0000 UTC
